An Honest Look At My Weight

I lost four pounds last week. Having a schedule that requires me to plan what I’m going to eat has definitely been helpful, but I had mixed emotions after looking at some photos that my friend, Simone, took of me over the weekend. 

  

I know I’ve gained a lot of weight. I don’t beat myself up for it because that doesn’t lead to positive results (at least not in the long run.) I don’t try to hide it, nor do I feel sorry myself. My weight gain, which happened for the most part last year, came as a direct result of choices that I made. I’ve talked about them here many times before, so I’ll skip that today. 

The added weight feels more noticeable now that it’s back than it did before I ever lost it. I’m still thankful that I stopped myself before I gained it all back, but I’ve gained enough to feel a significant shift. It’s incredibly visible too when I look at photos of myself from 2010, 2011, and 2012 compared to now. 

It’s easy to get frustrated, but that won’t yield any postive results. It’s just hard to recognize and admit that I don’t look or feel how I want to. I dress well, and I am well-groomed. I don’t feel ugly. In fact, I’ve been feeling kind of pretty a lot lately. (Thank you, GwynnieBee.) I’m just still aware of changes that I need to make. 

Life is so much better than it was a few years ago. I’m more content on the inside than I’ve ever been, but I also know that there’s more work to do on the outside. I’m glad I lost 4 pounds this week. Now I’m working toward being smaller next week, which has happened several times this year. 

I know that if I shed some of the excess I’ll feel better than I do now even though I don’t feel awful (yet.) I’d rather see the scale move down than move up, and it seems like the only way to make that happen is to go back to tracking everything that I put in my mouth. I started doing that when I started my new position, and it definitely makes me more congnizant of what I’m doing.

It’s incredibly frustrating, but I don’t hate myself for messing up so much of the work that I put into getting healthy. The truth is that I love myself enough to see my needs here and to change them. 

This road is a long and tedious one, but I’m still here…still not indulging in everything I want and recognizing that I spent far too much time trying to fill the gaping hole in my heart with food again last year. 

Now I’m focusing more on seeing myself the way God sees me, and I’m asking Him to be strong in my weakness. He promised to do that before I ever asked, and now I’m finally starting to take Him up on it in several areas of my life (including this one.)

I’m bigger than I want to be, and I’m working toward fixing that. It’s not my top priority, but at least it’s back in my top 5. I need to incorporate exercise back into my daily life, which means I may have to skip other things. (More on that later.)

I have a long way to go, but it feels like I’m moving in the right direction. 

8 thoughts on “An Honest Look At My Weight

  1. stellarfashionandfitness

    I am exactly in the same place as you, and I am working on the exact same thing you are, too. It’s hard to be in this place, to work on losing the weight AGAIN. But as you said, turning to God for strength is something I am working on as well. Knowing that I know what to do to make my goals a reality makes me feel confident that I CAN do this. But finding that willpower and determination when I am weak? That is the hard part. Best of luck to you! I will be cheering you on!

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  2. Christina@LoveYourselfHealthy

    You lost 4 pounds this week–that’s awesome! I get so tired of this weight loss game sometimes–but I know that ultimately, I will feel better at a healthy weight. I also feel like THIS time is the last time I’ll have to lose this weight… the way I’m going about it is different, the changes I’m making are sustainable and ones that I’m willing to continue for the rest of my life. I’ve also taken better care of my SELF this time, which is something I’ve never done; I finally tackled my mental/emotional health.

    P.S. I love tracking my food–it’s become so second-nature that I truly feel as if I’ve forgotten something when I get behind. It definitely keeps me accountable.

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  3. Kathie

    You lost 4 pounds? That is awesome
    I love your self confidence and the fact that you love yourself
    I have to say I am not at that stage
    I know I am made in Gods image but I can’t come at liking myself let alone love myself

    Keep being strong and trusting in God
    You know you can do it … You have before

    Praying for you xx

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  4. Kim

    Just returning to the blogosphere…and saw your post. I think that you have hit the nail head on…and we just have to keep on keeping on….Glad to see that I am not alone in this journey of life. You’ve got this…you can do this…you will do this!!! All the best!

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  5. Steph

    First: you’re beautiful. Second let’s hold each other accountable for positive choices. I need to lose weight badly for multiple reasons. I’m thankful for you Kenlie!

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  6. Mike

    You have my support as well Kenlie. I have been struggling a bit myself lately because I have been eating a little too much of the things that I shouldn’t be eating and not quite enough of what I should. Also been slacking in the exercise department too I regret to say… But I admire you for being able to admit to yourself that you are struggling but are willing to make better on what you set out to do. I must do the same. Now that the weather is finally warming up, I can start walking outside again and spend less time in our overheated gym.
    My pen friend and I that I’m doing this with both agree that we have our weaknesses and that we must try harder. But we are also gentle with ourselves and with each other. You must do the same Kenlie. You can do it! I believe that you can, just like I believe that I can and that my friend can. I tell her this all the time. I’m cheering you on! And congrats on losing those 4 pounds! 🙂

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