Let’s Talk About How Much I Weigh Today

It’s been a while since I said anything here, and it’s been a really long while since I used this blog for its intended purpose – accountability.

When my blog disappeared from the internet recently I thought about whether or not I should keep it or let it go. Thankfully, GoDaddy recognized the mistake and restored it, but during that period I did some reflecting.

Does anyone read blogs these days?

Is blogging still a thing?

Should I let it go since it hasn’t served its intended purpose in a long time?

At some points this blog was an empowering tool, but it also led to significant pain at other points. Is any of it relevant anymore?

I’ve changed so much. Do those changes really need to be documented online?

Will anyone actually read it if I do write?

All of these thoughts and questions swirled in my mind over the 24-hour period in which it was gone. I even posed a question on Facebook asking for opinions about whether or not I should pay the $150 fee to have it restored.

Ultimately, it was fixed without the fee, and during that time I realized that I wasn’t ready to let go of it yet. I also realized that the reasons I want to keep it are personal. I didn’t mind the thought of people not reading it, but I hated the thought of losing the personal history that I’ve shared here. Sure, it only matters to me, but I’m the only person it really needs to matter to.

I weigh almost as much as I did when I started this blog nearly 7 years ago. A long time ago I lost a lot of weight, and when I stopped being diligent I became apathetic. It’s the truth, and I’m not proud of it.

As I sat at Starbucks today with the man I used to mention vaguely here we discussed my weight, his worries regarding my long-term health and all of the excuses/reasons I have for letting my weight spiral out of control again. (I’ll share more about our conversation later.)

I know that I’m not the only person who has lost weight and gained it back. I also know that it’s possible to do it again, to hold on tighter and to start again now.

Kenlie Gym

When I got home after a busy day I hit the gym, then I prepared a healthy dinner. I’m not prepared enough or disciplined enough to plan out a month of meals right now, but I do think I can plan for tomorrow. Maybe that’s all I need to do right now.

It has been a long time since I used this blog as a tool for my weight-loss, but I’m starting now. I’m done making excuses, feeling like a failure and putting off another attempt until later. I changed my habits today, and I’m going to try to do the same again tomorrow.

Now it’s time for a cold, post-gym shower because I have a lot of work ahead of me tonight, and I’ve put it all off long enough.

 

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33 Comments

  • Reply
    Belinda Carter
    December 7, 2015 at 9:28 pm

    You are doing great… one good choice at a time… Best thing to do is start. Thanks for inspiring me and others.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 7, 2015 at 11:03 pm

      It really is as simple as one choice at a time. I don’t know why we complicate it so much…we being me.

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      • Reply
        Tina
        December 9, 2015 at 7:48 am

        We being a lot of us! I just read this and realized I’ve been doing the same thing. Over complicating something so simple. You’re an inspiration and I’m glad you’re back.

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  • Reply
    KA
    December 7, 2015 at 9:43 pm

    I’ve been lurking on here for a long time and just want to say I’m so happy to hear from you and think it takes a lot of courage to be so honest and open about your weight. As someone who is at their highest weight ever, has a milestone birthday tomorrow, and is feeling like something has got to give but I don’t know what, this post was a smack in the face for me. I worry about my health in the future if I don’t make changes and start thinking about how far I have to go…it is too overwhelming!!! But you are so right – a week, month, half a year…it’s all too much but tomorrow I can do. Anyways that was a long rambling way of saying thank you, you inspire me and have given me a reminder to just take it a day at a time.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 7, 2015 at 11:04 pm

      I had a conversation about my health with the person I mentioned earlier today, and over the weekend a stranger who prayed for me prayed that my years would be extended. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I don’t want to die young because I can’t take control of my choices. You’re not alone in this. I’m right there with you.

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    • Reply
      Laura
      December 7, 2015 at 11:38 pm

      Good luck to you! One day at a time Is all it takes.

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      • Reply
        Kenlie
        December 8, 2015 at 2:32 am

        Thank you. Yes, one day at a time is definitely all I can focus on right now. The rest os too overwhelming.

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  • Reply
    Lisa
    December 7, 2015 at 9:54 pm

    Welcome back! We’re here for you!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 7, 2015 at 11:05 pm

      Thanks, Lisa. That means a lot to me.

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  • Reply
    bejams
    December 7, 2015 at 10:06 pm

    Kenlie , I have been reading your blogs since you were in New York chugging water like a machine. I will say one thing to you because I have not only followed your path but I have prayed for you. Never give up, NEVER! I wish I would have said these words to my son, I just didn’t want to upset him. His addiction was different but it’s really all the same. We live in a world that begs us to join the crowd, but it is never to late to stand your ground, find your strength and move inch by inch until you see possibility again. I am 100% sure you can do this. Hugs and prayers keep coming your way. Betty ❤️

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 7, 2015 at 11:06 pm

      That feels like a long, long time ago at times, and at other times it feels like yesterday. I still have a 32 oz Nalgene bottle like the ones I used there, and I think it’s time to pull it out of the cabinet and put it to use.

      Thank you so much for your prayers. God has definitely been dealing with me over the last few years, and I’m working on surrendering this part of me (and my emotions) to Him. Please keep praying because your prayers are definitely being answered.

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  • Reply
    Ann
    December 7, 2015 at 10:19 pm

    So happy you are back! I missed you and your blog…we got this together!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 7, 2015 at 11:07 pm

      I missed you too, Annster. You’re one who’s been here for the long haul, and you’re one of the reasons blogging should always be a thing.

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  • Reply
    vintagediva66
    December 7, 2015 at 10:26 pm

    You are awesome! It took courage to put it out there like you did. I know you are back on track and going to win! This is a marathon doll and you are in this for the win. Stay strong!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 7, 2015 at 11:08 pm

      It definitely took some courage, so I’m hoping that’s a big step in the right direction. Last time I posted my weight openly like that, I ended up dropping 100 pounds. It’s time.

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  • Reply
    Cathy
    December 7, 2015 at 11:23 pm

    You can do this. Lots of people are in your corner! Proud of you for taking a stand!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 8, 2015 at 1:58 am

      Thank YOU for ALWAYS being in my corner through thick and thin! <3

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  • Reply
    Janna
    December 7, 2015 at 11:43 pm

    Proud of you and always here for you…One day at a time and even at times, one bite at a time! You got this!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 8, 2015 at 1:59 am

      I’m so thankful for your years of friendship, and you’re totally inspiring. Thanks for that too.

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  • Reply
    Carre
    December 8, 2015 at 12:36 am

    I used to read your blog years ago and then lost track. So glad I found it again! Losing weight is a hard journey. The struggle is real but we are here cheering you on to success (whatever that looks like for you).

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 8, 2015 at 1:59 am

      Wow, Carre. That’s interesting to hear. Thanks for being here now.

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  • Reply
    Lyn
    December 8, 2015 at 12:47 am

    I love you Kenz!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 8, 2015 at 1:59 am

      Love you too, Lyn. <3

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  • Reply
    Dee
    December 8, 2015 at 2:55 am

    First time reading your blog…I’m here because of Instagram – I’ve been following your pretty creations there for a while. Just wanted to voice my support and encourage you. I’ll be following your journey and praying for you x

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  • Reply
    Kath
    December 8, 2015 at 4:45 am

    yay !! Your back …. I missed you and was worried when your blog disappeared.

    You’ve got this

    Don’t be embarrassed… you have drawn a line in the sand that is awesome

    you are doing better than me by going to the gym I am too embarrassed too go to the gym

    Keep blogging it is good for your mental health.

    You can do this ..one hour at a time (even 1min at a time)

    Praying for you
    Love Kath

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  • Reply
    Tracey
    December 8, 2015 at 10:34 am

    I am right there with you except that I think I weigh more now than I did when I first started WW in 2007. I was so close before I met and married my husband to the mini goal that I set for myself. I am recommitting and restarting for myself. I have been blogging but not consistently of late. Thank you for your honesty and putting yourself out there! Sometimes it’s just the small steps that get you started in the right direction!

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  • Reply
    Pinky,RunLaughEatPie (@pinkypie)
    December 8, 2015 at 2:42 pm

    I love you because you are BRAVE and HONEST. Yes, you Miss Kenlie! I don’t care what you weigh right now, I care that you did something today to work towards your health I want a healthy, happy Kenlie in this world because I want the chance to see you again one day! So for the health reasons, I get it. The most important thing is that you never really gave up and you proved that today. One day at a time, sweetness!! I know we don’t have the same experience, but I did once lose the weight and then gain it all back again (plus 10 lbs for good measure) and 8 years later I’m still not back to goal weight yet. But it doesn’t matter. We don’t give up. We may have blips, but we don’t give up.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 29, 2015 at 10:15 pm

      I love you, Pinky, because you’re amazing..and also because you’ve always cared for me just as I am…no frills, just support and encouragement. I adore you and always will.

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  • Reply
    Angela
    December 8, 2015 at 5:53 pm

    I know it’s been said many times but we have to take this one other time sometime feels like one moment at a time. I’m glad you’re back I enjoy reading your blog .

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  • Reply
    Karen
    December 9, 2015 at 1:38 pm

    Nice job getting to the gym and preparing a healthy meal! I’m right there with you having re-gained a fairly significant amount of weight that I’d previously lost (lost 107 lbs was within 8 lbs of my goal then over a few years gained back 70)…it’s not easy or fun re-losing but we can only do our best!

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  • Reply
    Melissa
    December 10, 2015 at 7:10 am

    One day at a time… Sometimes one hour at a time. I had weight loss surgery almost 3 years ago and have yet to reach my goal because of poor choices. I’m now 3.5 weeks into a low sugar, no grain lifestyle change and I feel good about it. I have to constantly remind myself why I’m doing it though. Good for you for realizing what you need to do for yourself… No one else.

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  • Reply
    Lisa
    December 29, 2015 at 12:49 am

    As I sit here reading, tears are streaming down my face and TRUST I am not a cryer. I am 30 and weigh 365 pounds. I haven’t weighed under 250 for over 15 years and have never really tried to lose any significant amount of weight because the fear of failing is scarier to me than the misery of continuing to gain. The shame I feel at never being brave enough to try, to fight, to risk defeat, for myself or more importantly my kids…cant even express it. Your voice matters. It inspires. It is relatable. It is passionate. It is truth. I wish you could feel, even for a moment, the admiration (and envy) I feel for you and your journey. Fighting a battle is never something to be ashamed of. You will come out of this even stronger.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 29, 2015 at 10:14 pm

      Lisa,

      I’m going to be very honest with you. Gaining back such a significant part of what I lost sucks, but trying again is so much better than never starting. I feel AMAZING in comparison to where I was before. I never got closet my ultimate goal (whatever that should be,) but just starting took away the chains of shame and guilt that never should have existed anyway.

      Just try…I promise that trying and dropping the ball isn’t the end of the world because you’re still stronger and more confident than before.

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