It’s been a while since I said anything here, and it’s been a really long while since I used this blog for its intended purpose – accountability.
When my blog disappeared from the internet recently I thought about whether or not I should keep it or let it go. Thankfully, GoDaddy recognized the mistake and restored it, but during that period I did some reflecting.
Does anyone read blogs these days?
Is blogging still a thing?
Should I let it go since it hasn’t served its intended purpose in a long time?
At some points this blog was an empowering tool, but it also led to significant pain at other points. Is any of it relevant anymore?
I’ve changed so much. Do those changes really need to be documented online?
Will anyone actually read it if I do write?
All of these thoughts and questions swirled in my mind over the 24-hour period in which it was gone. I even posed a question on Facebook asking for opinions about whether or not I should pay the $150 fee to have it restored.
Ultimately, it was fixed without the fee, and during that time I realized that I wasn’t ready to let go of it yet. I also realized that the reasons I want to keep it are personal. I didn’t mind the thought of people not reading it, but I hated the thought of losing the personal history that I’ve shared here. Sure, it only matters to me, but I’m the only person it really needs to matter to.
I weigh almost as much as I did when I started this blog nearly 7 years ago. A long time ago I lost a lot of weight, and when I stopped being diligent I became apathetic. It’s the truth, and I’m not proud of it.
As I sat at Starbucks today with the man I used to mention vaguely here we discussed my weight, his worries regarding my long-term health and all of the excuses/reasons I have for letting my weight spiral out of control again. (I’ll share more about our conversation later.)
I know that I’m not the only person who has lost weight and gained it back. I also know that it’s possible to do it again, to hold on tighter and to start again now.
When I got home after a busy day I hit the gym, then I prepared a healthy dinner. I’m not prepared enough or disciplined enough to plan out a month of meals right now, but I do think I can plan for tomorrow. Maybe that’s all I need to do right now.
It has been a long time since I used this blog as a tool for my weight-loss, but I’m starting now. I’m done making excuses, feeling like a failure and putting off another attempt until later. I changed my habits today, and I’m going to try to do the same again tomorrow.
Now it’s time for a cold, post-gym shower because I have a lot of work ahead of me tonight, and I’ve put it all off long enough.