Emotions Friends Reflection

Where Did You Meet Your Mate?

Several of my friends have fallen in love with people they met online. Actually, I’ve done it before too. I think that finding love is wonderful regardless of how you meet, but I’m not interested in meeting anyone online now. I’m just not.

My friend, who knows me well, was surprised by my desire to stay single instead of “putting myself out there.” There are a lot of reasons for my preferences in this area, but the biggest one is that I just don’t want to.

I always envisioned meeting someone in my favorite coffee shop and falling for him, and I spent most of last year with a man who simply wasn’t right for me. I’m not saying I’ll meet the future Mr. Kenlie at a coffee shop either; I’m just saying that I don’t want to worry about it right now.

My desire is to be with someone who will complement the life that I already love, but I’d rather stay single than go out looking for him. I don’t want to be emotionally or physically attached to someone who’s not good for me, and I don’t want to waste all of my energy wishing, hoping or even praying about it.

Seriously, God knows my heart. He knows I’d like to meet someone tall, brilliant and fiercely loyal who will look adorable in our selfies, so before Christmas I decided to stop bugging Him about it. Instead I’m trying to help others, find my purpose and enjoy everything that’s already in front of me.

Is it weird that I’m so closed off to meeting someone online? I haven’t always felt this way; it’s just what I’m feeling now, at least in this season of my life.

Did you meet your spouse/significant other online? Did you ever go through a period in which you didn’t want to go that route? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this whether you’ve dated online or not.

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23 Comments

  • Reply
    Anne McElvain
    January 18, 2016 at 4:55 pm

    Hi, Kenlie!

    I met my first husband on match.com. Our first dates were a whirlwind of passion and we got married 15 days after we met. Turns out, you need a bit more time to get to know someone. He said and did all the right things for the first 3 months, but after that, he started skirting about. We were wonderfully compatible and stayed together for almost 5 years, but it was clear year 4 would be our last.

    My current fiancé and I met IRW in a comedy writing class. We took it very slowly, and neither of us were looking to find someone. In fact, we both had pretty much given up on the dream of finding someone who would love us. We connected as friends and started dating a few months after that as we realized we really “got” each other. We have been cohabitating for about 4 years now and will be married some time in 2017. We’re both too old for kids, so there is no biological time clock ticking in our heads. It’s a relief to have a partner in life who is my best friend, and who loves to do the things I love to do (write, travel, eat out, etc.)

    I think the key for us was that we stopped looking and yearning for what wasn’t there, and both started living our lives to the fullest and enjoying who and what we were. Suddenly, we were both much more attractive people without all that angst and loneliness hanging over us.

    Definitely enjoy your life exactly as you are, where you are, and feel like you are a 100% complete full person. Your energy just naturally changes and you become more positive down to your bones.

    You deserve all the happiness in the world.

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      January 28, 2016 at 1:49 am

      I do a lot of things I enjoy, and I think that’s great advice. 🙂

  • Reply
    jessica
    January 18, 2016 at 7:15 pm

    Yahoo! Personals! lol. I was living at Grad School and not loving it! I had my first email address and the only thing I really knew how to access was Yahoo.. b/c it was always being advertised on the tv and radio! I was looking to connect with someone who was where I was from.. just needed that connection, ( most of my close friends back home were going through some sort of life crisis and I was not willing to call on them.. my *homesickness* was petty compared to what they were going through IMHO). I posted in a penpal room, started to chat with a few people. Husband was separated and in process of divorce. He was NOT looking for anyone and happened to be snooping online when he saw my post.. so he answered out of his own boredom. We chatted for about 8 weeks, then I was supposed to return home. I never even assumed we would meet. We started to talk about the summer. I told him where I was planning to return to work- my old bank job.. he worked for the same company..

    So when I returned home I called him to let him know I made the drive home and was safe. He asked if I wanted to meet for dinner.. I said yeah.. nothing else planned. My dear friend and her new boyfriend ( since I had been gone) stopped by to help me unload my car.. I shared the story and they both told me they were going.. so I would not be killed by an online psycho… so they drove me to the restaurant. When husband came to the table the guys BOTH started to laugh.. they grew up together, played soccer together and graduated the same year/high school.

    We saw each other every night for a week then I went back to school to go on a mission trip for 10 days. I made it back home permanently 2 days later.. had decided not to return to the school months prior… Spent the summer dating… he proposed that October.. Married the following August. We have 3 kids and will celebrate 16 years in August.
    He never expected it, was not looking for it after his 1st marriage busted.. I was not looking for anything.. never would have looked for a guy in his situation.. But here were are…

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      January 28, 2016 at 1:50 am

      That is such a sweet story. I’m glad you shared it. 🙂

  • Reply
    Jessie De Voy
    January 18, 2016 at 7:17 pm

    Hey Kenlie!!

    I did actually meet my other half online. We actually met on craigslist and at the time he lived in Missouri and I lived in Michigan. We did the long distance thing for about two months and then we moved in together (crazy I know!) We lived in Michigan for a bit and then ended up moving to Missouri. We have grown a lot together, as we were barely adults when we first started dating. He was 18 and I was 19. Now we’re 26 and (almost) 25.

    You should do whatever feels right for you! My SO came into my life at the perfect time. He helped me believe that a good man still existed and showed me just that. He treated me (and still does!) how I deserve(d). This April we will be celebrating our 7 year anniversary 🙂

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      January 28, 2016 at 1:51 am

      I think what you said was absolutely perfect. We should definitely do what’s best for ourselves in situations like this.

  • Reply
    Love, Jimmie
    January 18, 2016 at 8:27 pm

    Eh. On paper, online dating seems to be the way to go. It’s a brilliant idea – everyone looking to meet someone converging in one space so that everyone knows everyone on the playing field. Unfortunately that’s where the brilliance seems to stop. It’s too easy to look for the next best thing or too easy to be dismissed based on a set of criteria that no one can ever meet. It feels like we don’t see people anymore. We see statistics and bodies but we don’t see hearts.

    I’ve dated men that I met online and men I met in person. Men I’ve met in person seem (for me) to be the better option. And (for me) I don’t feel like I’m forcing the issue. God will bring him if and when it’s time. It’s a lot easier to say that now than it was ten years ago, I have to admit. Wisdom, perhaps?

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      January 28, 2016 at 1:53 am

      The thing I dislike about the online thing, which I have done before, is that there seems to be an instant moment in which you have to know whether or not you want to date or not. The most attractive people I’ve ever met are the ones I took time to get to know. That’s the down side of online dating, at least in my experience.

  • Reply
    Kody @ SkinnySized.com
    January 18, 2016 at 11:31 pm

    I met my husband online 13 years ago and we have been married for almost 10. Don’t rule anything out. You might be surprised!

  • Reply
    Cathy
    January 19, 2016 at 8:28 pm

    I met my fiancee on match.com! After being on match previously, and meeting many duds. I had given up on that way of meeting someone. After a couple of years, a colleague, and good friend of mine sat me down and gave me a talking to. I wasn’t meeting anyone IRW, and none of my friends knew anyone to even introduce me to. She told me to give online another chance one more time, and to my surprise, I met my fiancee. We both had gotten back on Match within a couple of weeks of each other, lived around the corner from each other, and grew up in the same area! I would have never met him if I hadn’t gone back online! We’ll be together for 5 years in March. It really is quite simple when both people want the same thing from a relationship- you both just have to know what that is!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      January 28, 2016 at 1:53 am

      Your fiancé is amazing, and so are you. I’m so happy to know you IRL. <3

  • Reply
    Lisa
    January 19, 2016 at 9:55 pm

    Yahoo Personals, here, too! And he only lived like 10 minutes from me. I’d been divorced for about a year and my life revolved around work, daycare and the grocery store. We’d gotten to the talking-on-the-phone stage when my computer crashed and he offered to come over to look at it, if I felt comfortable. So he showed up early, I was barefoot & no makeup, the kid (she was 4 at the time) was running around naked after her bath – it was chaos. But he knew right then he was going to marry me! We’ve been together 14 years now and our 10 year anniversary is in July.
    I second what Jessie says – Mr. Right will come to you when it’s time. The hard part is waiting!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      January 28, 2016 at 1:54 am

      No way…Someone else said they used Yahoo Personals too. Who knew?! (I mean, I guess you guys did.)

  • Reply
    family professional paintingDale
    January 20, 2016 at 6:01 am

    Tried the online thing. Met a few people but they were not who they portrayed themselves to be and one very nice woman who just didn’t have time.
    I thinks there is a problem with online dating in the sense that there are so many choices. The multiple choices tend to make people build a “checklist” that is unrealistic. You try to interpret context of a few paragraphs, when reality dictates that people are more complex than that.
    I met two woman in my life who I knew were special the day we met. The first one got away, the second one I spent thirty years with. You can’t feel that special “spark” online.
    Your special someone will come along when you probably least expect it.

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      January 28, 2016 at 1:56 am

      People always say that he’ll come around when I least expect it. I’m not sure how to respond to that except to say that in the past, at times when I thought I met someone I’d spend my life with, I was wrong. Maybe I’ll meet someone. I hope I do, but I don’t want to worry about it as much as I did before meeting the last guy.

  • Reply
    Susan
    January 26, 2016 at 8:42 pm

    At a bar!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      January 28, 2016 at 1:56 am

      It happens that way for a lot of people. Good for you.

  • Reply
    Rachel
    January 27, 2016 at 4:38 pm

    I was so against online dating! Many people in my life had met people online and ended up marrying them, even though they were just weird people. I was worried about what sort of people I might attract.

    After getting out of a long distance relationship that just wouldn’t let go (he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, but he didn’t just drop out of my life either), I was put in a situation where I needed to just cut ties completely. The guy had joked that I should go on Farmers Only months prior (I’m a farmer’s daughter through and through). I laughed it off, until one day I was so fed up that I signed up. The very next day I was messaged by a guy who has turned out to be the one. We emailed back and forth for one evening, and met in person the following day. Thankfully, he lives only about 25 minutes away. So the online portion of our relationship lasted less than 24 hours!

    I truly believe that this relationship was planned by someone far greater than the two of us. Only God could have ordained this. The two of us have similar career backgrounds, but timelines that never would have had our paths cross otherwise. Was I stubborn when it came to online dating? Uh, yah! I didn’t want anything to do with it. Have I been blessed by it? Greater than I ever could have imagined. The most important part – he loves the Lord!!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      January 28, 2016 at 1:58 am

      I’m not against it, but I’m to at a point in which I think I’d be good at it. I met someone online a few days ago, oddly enough. We chatted a lot for a few days, then nothing. It’s just so odd to invest in someone/something, then never know why it stopped. That’s more common online, I think, at least in my experience.

  • Reply
    tracyva
    January 27, 2016 at 9:24 pm

    I met my lovely husband online. That was 10 years ago this year, and we have been happily married for 4.5 years. At the time I met him, I was about to give up – I am so glad that I didn’t!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      January 28, 2016 at 1:59 am

      I’m glad you didn’t give up. I haven’t either. I’m just not going to look anymore, at least for a while.

  • Reply
    Alicia
    January 31, 2016 at 7:50 pm

    The only thing I ever go tout of online dating was some good stories. I have heard other people having good luck with it, but I feel the same, just not for me. And having said that, I am nearly 40 and still single. I have a good life though. Sometimes it bothers me and other times I am grateful for the freedom I have. I feel like when it’s right it will happen, until then I don’t feel like spending time with frogs to find the prince.

  • Reply
    Michelle
    February 6, 2016 at 8:22 pm

    What a great post! Just discovered your blog and think you’re amazing!

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