I Want To Cry…and Eat Food…

I’m a week into the liquids phase. I’m down 13 pounds so far, but today wasn’t easy. I went into the office and chatted with my boss, who is also a dear friend, and I left after less than an hour. I just didn’t want to be there today, so I left.

A big part of my job requires talking to people, which is my favorite thing about it. I just had trouble finding my smile this morning. Thankfully, my amazing support system extends to work, and I was able leave without issue.

When I left I met Michael at the movies to see “Bridget Jones’s Baby,” then we watched “Snowden.” I don’t think I’ve ever watched two movies in the same day at a theater, but tickets are dirt cheap on Tuesdays. It was a great way to zone out and to take a break from thinking about the lack of food and my upcoming surgery. Surprisingly, I wasn’t bothered by the smell of popcorn, but as we were leaving the theater I was hungry even though I brought protein shakes with me.

When I came home Michael joined me here too, and we had a great evening. I’m so thankful for that man. He’s the kind of man I’ve always dreamed of spending my life with, and it’s even more amazing than I hoped it would be. He’s my strong arm, and he knows what I need before I say it.

Tonight I needed to curl up and relax, and he knew it. I’m much sleepier right now than I usually am, and I don’t know if there’s anything I can do about it. I’m just going to rest as much as possible and remind myself that I’m halfway through this first phase.

When Michael left I cried for a few minutes. I can’t explain exactly why, but the tears have come and gone a few times today. It probably doesn’t help that it’s almost that time in a girl’s life. (Ladies, you know what I mean.)

Right now I’m hungry, but I’m going to go to sleep feeling victorious once again. I’m just hoping that tomorrow will be better than today.

 

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10 Comments

  • Reply
    Toni
    September 21, 2016 at 1:36 am

    ️Praying for refreshing and restorative sleep. You inspire me with your honesty and your wisdom ! How healthy to recognize when you needed to step back and ride the waves. You are living the reality that some days are just harder than others on this planet earth . May the sunrise tomorrow bring ️hope in the midst of challenge and peace that lifts you above the hurdles !

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      September 21, 2016 at 3:11 pm

      Thank you, Toni. Today has been much easier than last night.

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  • Reply
    Allison M. Webb
    September 21, 2016 at 5:58 am

    You can do this! I’m glad you listened to your body and emotions and took a mental rest day – we all need them. I hope a night of rest helps you today as you get back to it!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      September 21, 2016 at 3:11 pm

      I really needed the rest, and I woke up feeling much better today.

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  • Reply
    Cindy
    September 21, 2016 at 8:48 am

    You got this.

    How were the movies?! I heard Bridget Jones was pretty good.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      September 21, 2016 at 4:08 pm

      Bridget was awesome, and so was Snowden. They were both very good in different ways.

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  • Reply
    Heidi
    September 21, 2016 at 10:22 am

    you got this Kenlie!! I will tell you this…it WILL get easier, but I know how hard it is now. Our whole focus has been on food for so long…everything is centered around it & quite frankly it always sets my mood. I’ve learned through this process that food had been the thing that made me happy through most events. I remember right after surgery, my husband brought me home and then went to get a pizza for him and my step son (that really happened) and i wanted to kill him. LOL. Then about a week after surgery, I had a big UGLY cry in front of him because i felt like i would never be able to eat again…I am somewhat embarrassed about it now because i was so irrational. This journey will be hard at first, but it does get easier and it will all be worth it in the end. 6 months most op and I am down 87 lbs, but i can eat most anything with zero repercussions…just small amounts. You will survive this & be happy that you did. BIG HUGS to you!!!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      September 21, 2016 at 4:09 pm

      I know it will definitely be worth it, and if this is as rough as it gets I’m going to be fine. If it gets harder, I’ll just deal with that later. Ha

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  • Reply
    Emily
    September 21, 2016 at 1:43 pm

    You’ve got this, friend!
    I felt the same way during the liquids phase — really tired and slightly overwhelmed. Drinking warm broth helped a lot with feeling like I was getting some kind of “comfort” out of the liquids. Not the most nutritionally dense, but it helped power me through the days. I remember one of the last days someone brought pizza into the cube next to mine, and I felt like punching them right in the face. LOL 😉

    Excited for you and the success I know you’ll have! <3

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      September 21, 2016 at 4:10 pm

      I’m definitely lucky, in that, no one in the office would dare bring a pizza in here right now…or anything else actually. They’ve been great, and if I need to I’ll just leave..Ha

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