I’ve spent so much time thinking about what it will be like to live in a smaller, healthier body, but I can’t really imagine it. I’ve been obese my entire adult life, which leads me to wonder what my face looks like under my excess weight.
Right now I wear a size 7 ring (closer to 6.75,) but I’m guessing that will change. I’m also pretty sure that I’ll lose at least one shoe size, more realistically two sizes. My clothing size will obviously change as well, which is expected. There’s just so much more than that to consider.
I remember what it was like to weigh 284 pounds, and I felt tiny. (Yes, I know that’s still totally obese, but I don’t remember what it was like to be smaller than that.) I felt so light on my feet, yet I cannot imagine what it will be like to be 100 pounds smaller than that.
I never liked to think about the big picture when it came to the numbers because that always used to discourage me. Now I’m just intrigued.
I’m curious to know what it will be like to shop somewhere other than Lane Bryant. (I’m glad they exist for people my size, but it’s going to be fun to have more options.) I also want to know what it feels like to cross my legs or buckle my seatbelt on an airplane.
I want to experience the feelings of relief that will inevitably replace the feelings of anxiety as I request a table at a restaurant, and I want to know what it feels like to have enough room to sit comfortably in a booth.
I want to know what it feels like to run, to wear a pair of high heels and to feel my boyfriend’s arms wrapped around me even more than they already are while his chin sits on my head.
I want to know what it’s like to buy a one piece swim suit, which is something I can’t do now because of all of the excess weight in my abdomen. I also want to know what it feels like to wear a shirt with my favorite sports team’s logo or to order a jacket with my work logo on it.
I want to know what it’s like to sit down in a movie theater without having to raise the arm rest, and I want to know what it’s like to sit outside to drink coffee without having to question what the chairs are made of.
I want to wear jeans.
I have so many questions that only time can answer, so I’m going to muster up as much patience as I can while I strive to have them all answered.
This is my new reality, and I can’t wait to discover what’s ahead.