Hungry and Frustrated, but Improving, I Guess

I’m still down exactly 40 pounds, and it’s been almost a week since the scale moved at all. I can think of a few things that might contribute to that (PMS, lack of calories,) but it’s frustrating. I’m doing my best to trust the process, and I am sticking to the rules. I can only hope that I’ll start losing again as I become more active.

The truth is I’m seeing daily improvements. After two and a half weeks I started driving again, and that has helped me feel a bit more normal. Today I got a manicure and shopped for yarn that I plan to use to make scarves and hats for my nieces. I planned to go into Walmart with my boyfriend today, but I was wiped out after walking around Michaels for half an hour. (I’m still not as strong as before.)

Seeing improvements reminds me that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, but it doesn’t dissolve the anger I feel. (Yes, I feel angry that I’ve only lost 40 pounds in a month. That’s ridiculous; I know.)

I’m legitimately hungry. (Tell me you’r not hungry after eating nothing for over a month,) but I also just miss food. I think I was so comfortable in my addiction to food that it’s hard to let go. I’m just conflicted because we all need food to live.

I don’t miss cake, cookies or sweets. I’m oddly disgusted by that right now, but I’m craving a few of the same things everyday. If I could eat food right now I’d buy a steak burrito from Chipotle with extra veggies, sour cream and corn salsa. I’d also eat chips and guacamole, obviously.

I’ve also consistently craved various forms of chicken – rotisserie, smoked, Chinese chicken from the buffet near Mom’s house that I used to order to-go. I’m also craving sushi. I’d love to eat the crab that I used to get inside the Naruto Roll, which is wrapped cucumber instead of rice.

It’s weird not to want sweets, but I find them as repulsive as I find soda…just gross.

I’m sharing my feelings on this in the hopes that I can look back someday soon and tell myself that it was worth going through this. I don’t think that right now, but I’m going to continue to follow the rules.

Maybe I’ll have something better to say next time…

 

You Might Also Like

13 Comments

  • Reply
    Kristen
    October 17, 2016 at 9:05 pm

    When can you eat food again?

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 19, 2016 at 1:07 am

      I will be able to eat bananas, oatmeal, sweet potatoes and white ones next week. The following week I can have cheese..I will not have any restrictions after the week of Thanksgiving, which will be nice. I’m ready to chew something other than crushed ice.

      0
  • Reply
    Lori
    October 17, 2016 at 10:09 pm

    How strange that we tend to crave certain foods and not others. Comfort foods mostly seems like. Hang in there. I know it will all be worth it for you!!

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 19, 2016 at 1:07 am

      I like to think it will be worth it, but it’s still hard to believe right now.

      0
  • Reply
    Karen Scott
    October 18, 2016 at 10:00 am

    It is good to get your feelings out . I admire you for being able to share so openly. I am unable to do so and realize it is something I need to work on.

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 19, 2016 at 1:09 am

      A long time ago I kept my feelings bottled up, but life was hard. It became easier when I realized that it was okay. Feelings are valid even though they’re not always accurate. For me, thinking them through helps me recognize what’s true and not true. 🙂

      0
  • Reply
    Carly Talamantes
    October 18, 2016 at 11:53 am

    Let me just say – sugar free popsicles. I know it sounds weird and I don’t usually do sugar free stuff because of what they replace the sugar it with, but after my sleeve surgery almost 3 years ago they saved me. I didn’t want sweet either, but it still helped with the other cravings. I went back to work after a week and I would have one every morning on the way in and it kept me sane and satiated as far as cravings. I know everyone is different, but I thought I’d off up a little of what helped me get through it!

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 19, 2016 at 1:10 am

      I enjoyed them more than I thought I would prior to surgery, but I’m not really having them now. I’ve had one since surgery. Maybe I’ll try another one tomorrow. Good idea. Thank you!

      0
      • Reply
        Carly Talamantes
        October 19, 2016 at 9:37 am

        You’re more than welcome! Good luck on your recovery!

        0
  • Reply
    Jan
    October 18, 2016 at 12:06 pm

    Please don’t discount your feelings or experiences. They are uniquely yours and they have value.

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 19, 2016 at 12:48 am

      I would never…

      0
  • Reply
    sunny
    October 19, 2016 at 9:59 am

    During my haircut last night, I found out my stylist is flying to San Diego for her sleeve surgery. Her insurance won’t cover it so her cost in our state would be $30,000 but in San Diego, it’ll be $5,000. She plans to fly out, stay five days, then only take one more week off work. I mentioned your blog (and will send her the link). I found out she’s part of a support group online and has the full support here of her husband and family. She asked a friend of hers six months ago if the friend regretted the surgery she’d just had (my stylists’s friend) and the friend said “yes” (not long after the surgery). However, she just contacted my stylist and said “remember when I said I regretted it? that was the pain talking. I’m so very happy I had the surgery!”

    That conversation reminded me of some of the thoughts you talked about here on the blog.

    Thank you for being so honest with us. Will be praying for your quick recovery!

    0
  • Reply
    Lea Goossen
    October 21, 2016 at 6:47 pm

    I had complications after bypass and didn’t eat for 30ish days. I remember my first meal…it was very ripe melon and some imitation crab. Best thing ever. But then comes the weirdness of feeling absolutely stuffed in a couple bites. It’s another adjustment; the head wants to keep eating (and so does the mouth, it tastes good!) but pyhsically…not happening.
    Glad your recovering is going, and that you are sharing your experience. There’s some great support groups on Facebook you might like, I know I love mine (Gastric Sleeve and Bariatric Support Group) there are a lot of encouraging pictures, and people in all stages (pre-op to years out).
    -Lea

    0
  • Leave a Reply

    %d bloggers like this: