The Aftermath: The Truth About Weight-Loss Surgery

I seriously wish I had something to talk about right now, apart from my surgery and healing process, but I don’t. It has consumed the last two weeks since I’ve been home from the hospital.

Today was emotional for me, just like many other days in the last two weeks. The difference today was that I feel stronger than I have in a while. My heart still races when I walk out of my apartment down the long hallway, to the elevator, then to another elevator, then to my car. I’m still nervous each morning as I step into the shower, but I’m doing it.

I’m struggling with the things I’m missing right now:

  • Eating Food – I haven’t chewed a piece of of food in a month, and I still have a week and a half to go.
  • Singing – I can do it, but it takes my breath away. Leading people into worship at church is one of my favorite privileges, but I need to continue to heal before I do it again.
  • Snuggling and Hugging – We can hold hands, and we do. I just can’t curl up with him to watch a movie or anything. My top love language is physical touch, so that’s been difficult for me. I haven’t hugged many people in the last few weeks, which is categorically unlike me.
  • Shopping – I like the instant gratification that comes from doing things like this, but I’ve been too tired to bother.
  • Cooking – It would be too hard to cook right now since I can’t eat, but I’ll be able to make a few recipes from SkinnyTaste.com in the coming weeks. I can’t wait because I just want to feel normal again.
  • Spending Time with Friends – I had a couple of visitors this week, they brought so much light into my day! I’m so thankful that I have such amazing friends. I just miss seeing them and doing things we usually do together.

I know it sounds like I’m complaining, and I’m not trying to. I’m just trying to express how difficult it is to experience all of these changes at one time. It’s insane.

A few times today I cried and said that I wished I could take it all back and that if I could go back in time I wouldn’t go through with surgery. I know how stupid that sounds even as it’s coming out of my mouth. I just want want to feel like my old, energetic-enough-to-get-through-the-day-and-night self.

What I have been reminded of over the last couple of weeks is that I’m surrounded by people who love me. Mom and Michael are both sincerely willing to do every little thing I need. I’ve acted like a baby. I’ve been difficult to handle because I’m dealing with anger over being hungry and tired. They’ve both stopped me in my tracks and prayed for me until I felt better.

Dad is coming to visit next week, which makes me happy too. I’m also feeling so much better today that I think I may head back to work next week. I’ll probably work less than I do regularly, but it gives me something to look forward to.

It’s still hard, but it’s getting easier. I’m finally out of the haze of discomfort that I’ve been in, so I’m starting to feel like things might be okay soon. The hardest part is almost over, and that’s a relief.

Surgical recovery is different for everyone; I know that. I also know that no one seems to remember being in so much pain or needing much time to heal, so I’ve documented this pretty closely. I don’t want it to define me, but I also don’t want to forget how hard I had to work for this.

When there’s a time down the road when I have to do something hard I’ll look at posts like this one, or the posts about the 5k I finished in last place when I weighed well over 350 pounds. I’ll remind myself that I’ve gone through hard things before and that I can do it again.

 

 

 

 

11 thoughts on “The Aftermath: The Truth About Weight-Loss Surgery

  1. Kristen

    I’m sorry you had to go through such a hard recovery. You are brave. I wish you have good rest and positive thoughts going forward.

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    1. Kenlie Post author

      I think I’ve gotten through the toughest physical part. I definitely feel better now that I can drive, but I still miss food. I’d love touched something, but I’m still a few weeks away from that.

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  2. Elizabeth

    I have started the journey for myself and appreciate your honesty in regards to your feelings. Thank you for sharing, and I hope you feel better each day.

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    1. Kenlie Post author

      I am feeling a little better each day, but this phase still sucks. At one moment I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and at the next it’s hard to see it.

      Best of luck to you.

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  3. Erin

    I hope you feel better soon! No surgery is an easy surgery, and you will feel better with time. i believe you’ll make it through this rough time in order to have a lifetime of happiness. I’m sure it’s like giving birth; you forget what it feels like after a you have that baby!

    I appreciate you sharing your story. When you see others’ pics and tweets about weightloss surgery, they are always so positive, when the reality is – everyone must heal. Thank you for being honest and candid.

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    1. Kenlie Post author

      The healing process sucks, and I haven’t seen many people talk about it. I’m sure there are people discussing it, but I think you’re right. I think people forget. I certainly hope I do.

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  4. Lori

    I just found your blog today. I’ve only had 2 surgeries, both c-sections, and it took me forever to feel back to normal. Like you said, everyone heals differently. It will happen. You will begin to get your energy back soon and then…just watch you go! 🙂 Good luck to you. I look forward to following your journey 🙂

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    1. Kenlie Post author

      Hi Lori, and welcome!

      I’m looking forward to getting back to normal, and I’ve made some strides in the last couple of days. I can drive again, but it’s still difficult to consume liquids. I’m ready to chew something even though I don’t think that would go well right now.

      Thank you for being here.

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