Being Married Is So Weird and Awesome

I’ve dreamed of being married for longer than I’m willing to admit here. My sister summed it up pretty well during her toast at my wedding when she talked about our days of playing Barbies together. I always wanted Barbie and Ken to live happily ever after because I dreamed of the day that I’d live happily ever after.

I’ve been married for about a month and a half, and most of it has been really cool. I love that I can call Michael after grocery shopping and that he will cheerfully walk out to the parking garage and carry all of the heavy things inside. I love that he’s there to eat things that I cook for us and that he goes out of his way to show me that he loves me and that he’s committed to me. I also love that he’s willing to be tidy because I’m tidy, and messes stress me out. Ha.

We’ve both experienced a lot of change in other areas as well. The changes are positive, but it’s a lot to take in all at once. (I’ll probably talk about that more later.)

There are some things that I’m still adjusting to though too. Michael moved into my place when we got married, and it’s finally starting to feel like “our place” instead of “my place.” We bought new bedroom furniture, upgrading from my queen size Tempurpedic to a king size, and we bought the rest of the bedroom set too because, as you might imagine, one-bedroom condos in the heart of downtown New Orleans aren’t huge.We’ve gone through the closet, the cabinets, the dresser and chest of drawers to create room for Michael and his things too, and we’re settling into that pretty well.

The hardest part for me is that I grew accustomed to spending a lot of time alone, and now I’m navigating how to live with another person. Thankfully, he’s patient and pretty easy to please. (I’m definitely the picky one in this relationship.) It’s just so weird to have someone here all the time even though I like and love him. I  enjoy having him around most of the time, but we’re both still trying to figure out how to spend time alone too.

We do a lot of things independently and with our friends, and we enjoy spending time together too. We’re just trying to find a new balance because some days I want to spend hours at home alone reading, knitting and/or doing other things that I enjoy. I did that last night after work while Michael was at a Bible study with friends, so I know it’s going to work. It just takes some time to adjust.

We’re also living in a smaller space than we intend to live in when we move, but my lease isn’t up until later this year.

I like to think we could live here another year before adjusting to more change, but we’ll figure that out on a different day. Michael is a planner, and he’s good at budgeting and financial things. He already has ideas, but my brain can only tolerate so much change at once.

Marriage is pretty cool so far, and I’m hoping that I’ll continue to adjust to the changes that come with it.

Are you married? Did you find it difficult to adjust to living with someone after living alone for so long? Any tips or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

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13 Comments

  • Reply
    Mary Lou Weden
    July 18, 2017 at 9:14 am

    Hi Kenlie, I married at the age of 47 after living most of my life alone. My husband has two sons as well. They were both away at school, but holidays and summer breaks meant even more people in the house. I went through exactly what you are describing. I think it takes some time to figure out your own space and to figure out that you don’t need to be together and do everything together just because you are married. I’m sure it is a bit difficult to find that “me” space in a small apartment. Be patient with the situation and with yourself. You’ll figure it out in time.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 23, 2017 at 5:56 pm

      Yep, the apartment is pretty small, which makes it hard. We do have some plans in place to change that, but it’ll take a little time. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who finds it odd to adjust. I’m thankful for everything I have with him, and I suppose I need to allow us both time to adjust.

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  • Reply
    ro
    July 19, 2017 at 8:27 am

    Hi, I got married at 38 after living alone for about 15 years. Took a lot of adjusting….I used to joke that he “was ALWAYS there”. It took time, but once we both settled in it was great.
    Marriage is great. Congratulations!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 23, 2017 at 5:54 pm

      I think I need more time to settle in because I always make that joke. I’m glad he’s here, but I still like the quiet moments alone too. We’re looking for a bigger home too, which will help with that too.

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  • Reply
    Melissa
    July 20, 2017 at 6:43 am

    You’ll adjust and get so used to it that then you’ll be sad to be alone! It’s all about what you’re used to and marriage is a new normal for you. Having kids is another huge change and there is no alone time-ever. The more kids you have, the more you die to yourself. Each change and stage is both great and hard. It’s about thanking the Lord for what He has given you. Being content in all things. And dying to yourself. Because He died for you and has given you the power to do so.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 23, 2017 at 5:53 pm

      I was actually talking with God about dying to myself this morning..I really like to be comfortable, and I’m super picky. I’ve come a long, long way with that, but there’s still so much more to do. I’m so glad God is faithful and patient.

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  • Reply
    mfclingan
    July 20, 2017 at 8:53 am

    Happy one month wedding anniversary!!!

    It sounds like you two are doing great with adjusting to life together! Keep up the great work. The only advice I have for you is this….the habits and routines you set up now will probably With with you for a long long time in your marriage. So make sure that if something bothers you that you talk about it and work it out now …otherwise you will end up down he linestart to be bothered by it and at that point it is a surprise to your partner because you’ve just always done it! (My example…when I got married I swooped in and did EVERYTHING…so 10 years down the line I started to resent that I did the shopping…cooking…cleaning…mowing… laundry…gardening…everything. His ONLY reaponsibility was to scoop the cat liter and take the garbage out…which he did about 75% of the time. I realized at that point that we had set up these habits early on and let me tell you…they were hard to break after so many years! I hope that makes sense!!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 23, 2017 at 5:52 pm

      We’re pretty good at splitting up chores and communicating. We definitely have some areas where this totally speaks to me, and we’ll work on those. I can’t wait to share these blog comments with him. Thank you for taking time to share your advice.

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  • Reply
    Cat
    July 20, 2017 at 5:31 pm

    Oh … sweetie. After you have been married for awhile … Michael will feel like an extension of YOU. I have been married for 40+ years to the love of my life and I can’t imagine life any other way. We now are both retired together … and adjusted very well. Hubby has “his” space and I have mine. You and Michael will find your balance.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 23, 2017 at 5:50 pm

      Wow, that sounds amazing. I’m so thankful that you took the time to say that.

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  • Reply
    Pharmgirl
    July 21, 2017 at 7:11 pm

    Married almost 30 years but I remember the adjustment period like it was yesterday. Be honest about your needs & respectful of his. You’ll be absolutely fine.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 23, 2017 at 5:50 pm

      This is such simple, yet important advice. Wow. Thank you.

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  • Reply
    Jennifer
    July 29, 2017 at 11:08 am

    Hi Kenlie! We got married at 38, and it’s great. One thing that helped me was knowing my husband’s love language and him knowing mine (The Five Love Languages book – I’m sure you’ve heard of it). My husband is a quality time and touch guy, while I’m affirmation, affirmation, affirmation. We are opposites in needs in some way. I realized that once I “filled up his tank” with quality time and touch, that I could have a bit of alone time afterwards. Giving each other what we need first has allowed us to then take care of our own needs later. Congratualtions to you both!

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