As a blogger who gets distracted by everyday life a lot of posts go unwritten, and over the last couple of years I started about 36 that were never completed. (I know this because I just went through and deleted incomplete drafts that were dated as far back as August of 2013.)
It’s interesting to look back and some of those posts and recognize the changes that have occurred in my since I started writing here. One post was about my insecurity and how I knew I’d be happier if I could see myself the way God sees me. I was right. Life is so much better that way! It removes the societal pressure to be someone I’m not and to act like I’m cooler or more important than I am. I lived with those burdens for far too long.
In another post I talked about how I didn’t like being single, but I also realized that I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship because I couldn’t trust a guy who bothered to like me. Seeing those words and remembering how true they were at the time made me sad for my old self.
Why did I allow myself to think there was something wrong with me? Why did I focus on my flaws instead of my strengths? What on earth gave me the desire to see myself through the skewed opinions strangers and/or people who didn’t care about me? I don’t have a rational answer to any of those questions, and frankly, it doesn’t matter.
I recently spoke to a room full of people about their health and fitness. I encouraged them to take the first step – not to impress anyone or to get to a certain number on the scale, but because it feels good to like who you are.
My experience led me to understand that who I am is okay. Fat or skinny, if I’m doing things that make me feel good about myself like making good life choices, being kind, moving my body, spending time with family and friends, then I don’t need to explain myself or make excuses for my actions.
There are people who will always see me through the lens of who I used to be or who they think I am, and that’s okay too. I’m at peace, and it was pretty cool to look through pieces of my unpublished history and discover that so much of the pain and insecurity that I carried is gone.
No…life on earth will never perfect, but it’s so much better than I ever could have imagined. I have everything I need and so much more, and I’ll never be able to adequately express how thankful I am for that.