I didn’t say much here during the month of August, but I did a lot of thinking about my history with this blog. I’ve experienced some cool things as a result of writing here, so when I consider shutting it down I usually decide to think on it again later.
I don’t want my little blog to disappear, but it doesn’t resonate with me in the way it once did. I’ve spent some time thinking on that lately, and now I know why.
For many years I have defined myself as a person who needs to lose a serious amount of weight. I let society define me as fat and unworthy for a long time, even before my weight became a national news story.
If you’ve been paying attention for a while, you also know that over the last five years I’ve experienced incredible life changes thanks to the grace of God. The closer I get to Him, the less I define myself as a just a fat person.
I also desire to help others understand that they don’t have to reach a certain number before they start feeling lovable and worthy.
I want women who may not know it to have assurance that God loves them right now, not just some future, more perfect version of themselves. I know I say it a lot, but don’t expect that to change anytime soon because whether we know it or not, we need to hear it. God loves you exactly as you are right now. He knew how much you’d struggle, and He made you anyway because He wanted you to exist. If you’re not sure about that, stop reading my blog right now, and log read Psalm 139.
I no longer find my identity in my size, my past challenges and failures or even victories. I find my identity in the One who created me, fought for me and died for me. I choose to see myself the way God sees me because His ways have proven to be better than mine every. single. time.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts and ideas here, and I like discussing topics that interest me. I like hearing what others have to say about too, and I like looking back at this blog just long enough to see the constant changing, stretching and molding that God is doing in me and through me.
Right now I’m about a pound away from my lowest weight since I started recording it at Weight Watchers in 2009, and I’d like to lose another 50 to 100 pounds. Sure, I could stand to lose more, but I have some other big life goals too. Losing weight is important, but it’s not the only thing that’s important to me.
My hope is that God will use me to reach people who need the love of Jesus. He’s allowing me to do that, and I want to do more. He’s so gracious and loving and patient and good. That’s what’s important to me now, and that’s what I want to talk about.
I’m working on a new outlet to share my thoughts on God, but I plan to check in here from time to time as well.