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Priorities, Weight Changes, and WW

Someone left a comment on my blog recently asking why I don’t admit that I have a problem with food, and while I think the comment was sincere, it was a bit misguided. I’ve been blogging here for almost 10 years, and there’s no way I’d go back and read all of my old posts. I definitely wouldn’t encourage anyone else to do it either, so it’s understandable that this reader may not know that I wrote about my problems with food regularly for years.

If you’re new here, or you’re just an occasional lurker, let me be clear about something. I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I don’t like food in the mornings, so I tend to skip meals until late in the day. I drink coffee almost daily, but I drink it mid-morning, and I don’t drink enough water throughout the day.

I currently weigh around 300 pounds, which is over 100 pounds less than I weighed at my heaviest. I don’t exercise regularly, but I used to. I don’t binge eat, I don’t drink sodas, and I like evening snacks. I’m a good cook, though I prefer baking delicious cookies, making fudge, and sharing them with the people around me.

I have a tendency to love people with food, and I’m aware of it. I find it difficult to cook during the week because my schedule doesn’t allow me to be home at dinner time Monday through Thursdays. I meal prep on most Sundays, but I don’t care for leftovers. I eat processed foods sometimes, food from restaurants sometimes, and healthy foods that I make at home sometimes.

My issue with food emotional, not physical. I don’t eat because I’m sad. I’m a happy lady for the most part, and I’m content in my work, my spiritual life, my marriage, and I’m confident that my future is a bright one.

My blood work always comes back positive. I have a healthy blood pressure, resting heart rate, cholesterol, and A1C. I weigh a lot more than I should, and sometimes it feels impossible to lose weight even though I know that’s nonsense.

From 2010 to 2014 or so, I felt like a failure because I wasn’t losing weight anymore after losing well over 100 pounds in 2009 and 2010. That started to change when a friend made an excellent point. She said, “You’re not a failure at losing weight; you’re just not trying.” She was right.

Losing weight was a priority in my life for a long time. From 2009 through 2013 I exercised regularly. My goal was to do at least 1,000 minutes of cardio a month, and I typically accomplished that goal pretty easily.

I gained back a lot of the weight I lost in 2009 and 2010 in 2013 when I discovered my love for caramel macchiatos and spending too much time at my favorite coffee shop. Other food choices contributed to it, but that period of life feels like ancient history.

I no longer get the emotional satisfaction from food that I once got, and I don’t eat as much as I did in the past. Even so, I haven’t seen progress in this area in the last year. It hasn’t been a priority, so it isn’t surprising to me.

Even so, I know that I need to do something about my weight. I need to forge new, healthier habits. I’m no stranger to what it takes to see results, but my commitment to making a change has been utterly lacking.

I don’t think my weight can be the top priority all the time. I’m not happy living like that, but I do believe that I’ll be happier and healthier if I make the choice to commit to making it a priority and see it through.

I don’t have a grandiose weight-loss goal for 2019, but I do want to breakthrough the number that has felt totally impossible and completely out of reach since 2012. The number is 284.

People often tell me that the number on the scale doesn’t matter, and they’re right and wrong. My weight no longer makes me feel like a failure or unworthy of love. It’s just a number in that sense, and it doesn’t consume me. On the flip side, it matters to me because if I’m working to see results, I want to see them in black and white. The scale is not the only measure, but it’s a key component.

I joined WW again recently, and my goal for the month of December is simply to track my foods, eat more vegetables, and to stay within the target zone each day. I know that will require some changes on my part, but it’s doable. And I hope that those changes will lead to healthy, lasting habits that lead to big results.

Are you a WW member? If so, what do you think of the new program?

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29 Comments

  • Reply
    disneypal
    December 3, 2018 at 5:11 pm

    I’m not a WW member but have been in the past. I had to stop going because I have lymphedema in my legs (extreme swelling). The swelling would cause my weight to fluctuate so dramatically (10 lbs at times) that it was getting frustrating…although I know I lost weight for the week, the scales didn’t show it because of the swelling. So ultimately, I stopped. I think WW is a great program though. I agree with you, I’ve had a weight problem all my life and while the scales are not the main measurement, it is a primary measurement. Let’s face it..it is what WW uses as a success measure, it is what our doctors use as a success measure, etc. So how can we not do the same? I really struggle at times because I KNOW I am eating healthy, exercising and doing all things my doctor tells me and I might lose 2 pounds in a month. Then I have a friend who lives off M & Ms and Cheetos and is a couch potato, she goes to the doctor to be told she lost 6 lbs in the last month – how? It seems so unfair and I try not to compare myself to others but it hard sometimes. All we can do is focus on day-to-day.

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 3, 2018 at 8:22 pm

      Comparison will steal your confidence and so much more if you let it because there will always be someone who seems like they have it easier.

      I’ve really struggled with not comparing myself to people who lost way more after having surgery. I lost what I gained back, but I didn’t have the phenomenal results that others had. Even so, I’m better off than I was before I had it.

      Lymphedema is so tough. I’m sorry you have to deal with it, but you have a good attitude!

  • Reply
    LJB
    December 3, 2018 at 5:31 pm

    I joined WW online about 7 weeks ago. I really really like it. I’ve lost about 7 1/2 pounds almost effortlessly. It is a really easy program to follow. For the emotional part of eating, I’ve got a lot of insight from Brooke Castillo’s podcasts, The Life Coach School, especially listening clear back to the first ones in order. Kenlie – don’t let people’s comments affect you! Interestingly, I once said at a WW meeting, “My goal is to have a healthy relationship with food.” I got laughed at, even by the leader. It is possible and I do now, even being 20-30 pounds overweight. I hope you like WW. Blessings!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 3, 2018 at 8:24 pm

      Thanks for the encouragement. I think it was a good question, and I thought on it a bit before I talked about it.

  • Reply
    Sara
    December 3, 2018 at 8:15 pm

    I like WW! I joined again last Dec 31! I lost 22 pounds, then the summer hit and I indulged too much and I’ve probably gained back six pounds. Trying to get back to at least 20 lost by dec. 31! With the holidays it’ll be hard, but I can try! I need to try harder too! I lost one pants size which was good, but I know I can do more! I know
    What I eat is related to depression. Once I recognize those feelings I can curb them. Best of luck!

  • Reply
    Katy
    December 3, 2018 at 9:01 pm

    Kenlie, I have followed your blog for about two years and admire your positive attitude and persistence. I have struggled with my weight all my life, have lost over 100 pounds several times and always gained it back. Right now I need to lose around 60 lbs but I am older now and nothing is working. I urge you to do everything you can to lose the weight now because you will reach an age when it is too late. I would give anything to go back 20 years when I was at my thinnest at 128.

  • Reply
    Jean
    December 3, 2018 at 9:31 pm

    Do you regret having weight loss surgery? If you could go back, would you still go through with it?

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 4, 2018 at 1:50 pm

      I don’t regret it, but I regret not doing more to prepare for how I’d feel in the months after. I experienced something that was pretty difficult during the early stages of my healing process, and I felt a lot of anger with myself for having surgery because I couldn’t eat my feelings.

      I remember thinking at one point that I’d give up so much if I could just eat a burito from Chipotle, but I couldn’t. I wish I had gone to counseling at that point. I tried seieng two therapists, but I should have tried harder.

      Wow, your comment was thought-provoking. I may write a post about it too.

      • Reply
        Jean
        December 4, 2018 at 6:07 pm

        I ask because I know many people who have had the surgery but end up either not losing much or gaining pounds back. I am struggling to lose a significant amount and several people have mentioned surgery to me but I am resistant to the suggestion for some of the reasons you mention and others related to different fears I have. I’m not sure what the answer is.

  • Reply
    barbmom55
    December 4, 2018 at 12:23 am

    You know I don’t comment much…but, I just have to say that every time you post something about your weight loss journey, you inspire me! Just keep doing what you do, you are a rock star!!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 4, 2018 at 7:14 pm

      Aw, that’s encouraging. Thank you for taking time to say that.

  • Reply
    Rebecca Ann Weatherly
    December 4, 2018 at 12:49 am

    I am a WW person…on and off for years with all the changes. It is a program that works for me when I work it. Trouble is, like many, I don’t have endurance enough to stick to it or when I do lose a good amount of weight, I am like an alcoholic once I falter. So I need to work on inner strength and finding a way to not be an all or nothing”dieter.”

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 4, 2018 at 7:14 pm

      I’ve had success with it at times. I really loved the Momentum program that was popular until 2010 or 2011.

  • Reply
    Myra
    December 4, 2018 at 6:24 am

    I have missed your posts about weight loss – I have always been inspired by those posts from you! I would love to see you post more about food, your eating plans, and your progress with WW. Thank you!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 4, 2018 at 7:13 pm

      Hi Myra,

      Thanks for the input. It’s nice to hear what interests people here.

  • Reply
    Connie
    December 4, 2018 at 10:26 am

    Awesome post Kenlie!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 4, 2018 at 7:11 pm

      Thanks, Connie!

  • Reply
    Katherine
    December 4, 2018 at 1:00 pm

    I’m sorry you got that irritating message about the issue with food. It’s such a mind game and I applaud you for living in the public by posting what you do. It sounds like you are in a pretty good place emotionally and I’m sure that will help you. I’m not on WW now, but I have been for many years. I think it’s a good program, anything you do is tough but sticking with it will work! Good luck!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 4, 2018 at 7:11 pm

      I think you’re right about the good emotional place, and it has taken a lot of work and continues to. It seems like some people think that if you’re overweight you have to be unhappy and consumed with shame, but I believe that those ideas are categorically false.

      I think it’s okay to be a work in progress.

  • Reply
    Stephan
    December 4, 2018 at 4:37 pm

    I am following your blog off and on again , more or less since years. First I liked your blog, but all these ‚you go girl‘ and don’t care about the haters where just too much (or too American) for me (Swiss) . I am obese too since 20y (6ft 7 // 330 Pounds) and am confused about your post. U Blog that you dont have a Problem with Food and than continue on and in about Food and your likes and dislikes. Its just dishonest . Don’t get me wrong I like the posts about Daily life , but like most obese people (including myself) it’s a lifelong struggle which only few will win. Ur blog is rather allthelife than alltheweigh if u r honest.

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 4, 2018 at 7:08 pm

      Stephan,

      I’m confused about your comment because I wrote several paragraphs about my struggle with food. It’s a part of my life, but it doesn’t consume my life.

      And while I don’t think the “haters” deserve as much attention as they got just for being hateful, this space is personal. You obviously have the right to read or not read what I write. I understand that it’s not for everyone.

  • Reply
    Tracy
    December 4, 2018 at 10:31 pm

    I just rejoined ww. I’m going to my first meeting on Friday morning. I need to lose 130 pounds to get to a healthy weight. We can do this. Just one day at a time.

  • Reply
    Stephan
    December 4, 2018 at 11:24 pm

    Kenzie, I didnt want to offend you and appreciate your instant response.

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 5, 2018 at 2:46 am

      You didn’t offend me. Your comment was just confusing. You accused me of lying to myself, which makes it seem like you didn’t actually read anything I wrote. Even so, it’s okay. I’m not offended, and I wish you the very best!

  • Reply
    mfclingan
    December 5, 2018 at 5:49 am

    I liked your post! I am the same…I’m a happy person and usually (I say usually because when I do feel stress I will feed it) don’t eat due to emotions. I do show love and accept love with food.

    For me…I know I’m a food addict. I simply eat because of those endorphins that rush around in my brain when I get that ‘ahhhh’ feeling when I eat something delicious….and then I just can’t stop eating that food…even though the ‘ahh’ moment is only the first bite or two!

    But anyway…I digress. What I most loved about your post is that you admit that you still want to lose weight but you are mostly showing us through your words that you love yourself…at this weight…10 pounds heavier and 10 pounds lighter….the appreciation you have for yourself is not based on the scales…

  • Reply
    Ann
    December 5, 2018 at 10:43 am

    I have also been a reader for many years! You are an inspiration to me and many others. Even a pound lost is a victory! Imagine what we would weigh had we never lost the ones we did between the gains?!?! Right?!? I am just rejoining the same crusade as you now…I am not rejoining WW since I know what to do I just don’t do it but I am making a commitment to myself to make my weight loss a priority again! Good luck to both of us! You will always be an inspiration to me! Hugs

  • Reply
    Tracey
    December 6, 2018 at 5:45 pm

    I’m a little late catching up on my blog reading. I am a WW member and am really liking the new changes. I know that everyone seems to have to tweak the plan to work for them. With so many zero point foods, I still make an effort to weigh and measure my foods so that I don’t overindulge. I keep the mindset that just because it’s zero points doesn’t mean it’s zero calories. I hope that you enjoy the new plan! Best of luck on your journey!

  • Reply
    pharmgirl
    December 8, 2018 at 1:34 pm

    I am, and have been on and off since age 8. (Seriously) WW works when you work the program. However, like ALL eating plans, it’s really just a framework for healthy, moderate eating.

  • Reply
    Rebecca
    December 8, 2018 at 6:23 pm

    How tall are you?

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