Category Archives: Friends

Embracing My Selfie, Or Why I Take Lots of Pictures of Myself

I’ve been taking selfies since before they had a name. I avoided the camera for years, but at some point on my journey through life, it became common for me to snap photos of myself.

Last week I got to spend time with a long time blog friend, Cathy, who was in New Orleans visiting for a conference. When she told me about her upcoming trip, we knew we’d meet up, and we did. We met at Cafe Dumonde, where I resisted beignets. (Yay for me!) We also walked around Jackson Square, which is the prettiest part of the French Quarter in my opinion.

This woman has been my friend since at least 2010. The moment I saw her, it was like seeing someone that I hadn’t seen in ages!

As we walked down Royal St, we stopped at CVS to pick up a few things, and I found a selfie stick! I obviously bought it on the spot, and it’s the best $10 I’ve spent in a while. I haven’t used it to take any selfies because doing that would be ridiculous, but I’ve been in some hilarious group photos that wouldn’t have been possible without my Mono Pod de Narcissism.

I’m surrounded by an uplifting group of friends, many of whom take selfies, with exception of a few because they’re too narcissistic, and I understand that. I really do, and even though I kind of agree, I look at it from a different perspective.

There was a time when I hated myself so much that i avoided mirrors at all costs. I looked at myself long enough to style my hair and apply makeup, but I was mortified when I caught my reflection in store windows. I hated the way I looked in photos. I still took them, but I didn’t post them online because of my shame. For years the only photo that I had one Facebook was a picture of my hair blowing in the wind while driving with the top down. I didn’t want to be seen by others, nor did I want to take a look at myself either.

Sometimes I take full body photos to send to Ariel, so she can say yes to the outfit or no.

Now, years later, I’m still not skinny, but I love myself. I’m not pleased with myself for still having so much weight to lose, but I love myself. I haven’t accomplished every goal that I set yet, but I love myself. (You get the idea, right?)

I also think that it’s okay to wear horizontal stripes even though I always hear that I shouldn’t. Whatever, folks. I’m doing it.

Sometimes when I take a selfie, I’m reminded of how much work I have to do. It’s also hard to accept the fact that I could have done so much more over the last few years. Those thoughts are important to face because it has helped me make better decisions over the last few months – decisions that bring me closer to my goal.

I was frustrated seeing myself in the giant gym mirrors when I took this around the holidays because I should be smaller now, then I remembered that I was in the gym doing something good for myself. I like capturing those moments.

Some days I post selfies because I want to hear that I’m cute, pretty, etc., and when that happens I admit it with proper hashtags. #PAYATTENTIONTOME

See? I have some pretty uplifting friends who encourage me when I need it.

And some days (many lately) I take selfies because I feel pretty. I’ve been using a few products on my face since Christmas, and the result is that my makeup is still mostly in tact even after singing (sweating guts out) on Sunday morning. (Thank you, Smashsbox Photo Finish!)

I took this selfie last week right before I took a long afternoon nap on my sofa. Sundays start early for me, so sometimes I nap.

Some people find success, at least temporarily, by tearing themselves down. I feel successful when I see myself and love the person that I see.

I have a lot to accomplish, and I’m happy to say that I’ve lost week for the last five weeks in a row. It may not sound like much, but I’m experiencing more consistency in my food choices than I have in a long time. I haven’t had a doughnut since September, and I haven’t indulged in any desserts in over two weeks.

I’m feeling good about my tiny steps in the right direction, and the selfies will continue to be a small representation of that. They might also lead to encouragement from people who care on days that I need that too.

How do you feel about selfies? Are they good? Bad? Do you care either way?

Forgiveness Isn’t Always Easy, But It’s Always Right

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I’m generally pretty open about my feelings, but there are times in which I know I shouldn’t bother sharing them because they’ll fall on deaf ears.

Recently a friend made me angry and hurt my feelings pretty severely. While that friend probably didn’t do it on purpose, they have a tough time accepting responsibility for their own actions. That person blames everyone else for everything that’s wrong, and they don’t view life from the same scope as I do.

If I offend someone I want to know so I have a chance to fix it. I don’t like knowing that someone feels hurt or angry due to something I’ve done whether I think I’m right or not. I care about people, and sometimes I’m forced to recognize that they don’t care back. It’s part of life, and I’ve been on both sides of that situation.

Right now I’m too angry/aggravated to talk about it with that person, but I know it’s what I’m supposed to do. I also know that it probably won’t be well-received (because, again, it’s always someone else’s fault,) which makes me think that I shouldn’t bother.

I’ve been a selfish jerk before, and I’ve received more grace than I could ever deserve. I forgive the person who made me feel like crap, and I know that I need to make some changes in my friendship with them. I know that you can only do so much to care for a person before you realize that it won’t change anything.

Sometimes people suck. The fact is that God forgave each of us for every horrible thing we did and will do, and forgiving the person who hurt me is nothing in comparison to that.

Forgiveness isn’t always easy, but it’s necessary to live a peaceful life. I’m not sure when or if I’ll be able to convey my thoughts to the person who upset me, but I do know that I need to forgive and move on.

I’m working on it…

End of the Year Reflection

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Each year, as it comes to a close, I find myself reflecting on the last twelve months, and this year is no different. I was wasting time on Facebook last week when I decided to join everyone else in a Facebook contrived review of my year, and according to Facebook I was completely lame. If you’re on Facebook, you’re probably familiar with the little slideshow of photos that the site puts together for you. Mine showed a salad, a few silly photos with friends and nothing at all that I would consider noteworthy. The truth is that some of the coolest moments of 2014 didn’t make it to Facebook.

Even though Facebook might disagree, I did some cool things this year. I met my newest niece (actually I met her last Christmas, and I saw her again in April when I visited Colorado.) I celebrated Hannah’s 5th birthday with my family in CO, and I can’t wait to head that way again soon. It’s been way too long for Auntie!

I spoke at an airline conference in Washington, D.C., and I met with executives from several major airlines in order to promote positive change within corporations that have the power to turn the tide.

I accidentally reconnected with an old friend for a day in front of the White House. I was able to hug her, apologize to her for the things that I did wrong and enjoy an afternoon of sightseeing with her. It was completely random, and I am thankful that it happened that way.

I took on a more active role as a worship leader at NOLA Church, and my voice and skills have grown. My relationship with Jesus has grown too. I also hosted a pretty cool small group in which I made a new and awesome friend.

I was given the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe and perfected it.

I watched countless Christmas movies with Mom throughout the year.

I helped a few kids gain confidence in their abilities to succeed in school.

I went to Fitbloggin for the fourth year in a row in Savannah, GA and connected with friends who didn’t allow me to feel out of place (even though I did for the first time.)

I dined at the newest, hottest restaurants in New Orleans with friends and private jet pilots. (They didn’t offer to fly me anywhere though. Ha.)

I bought a new car.

I became a Starbucks gold card member.

I saw George Strait and Reba perform live with Clint before he moved to Chicago.

I visited Oklahoma and spent several days with Dad while it was about 3 degrees outside.

I went to my first New York Mets game at Citi Field. (I’m still a Yankees fan, but this was a pretty stellar way to spend my birthday.)

I got closer to finishing my degree at Tulane.

I survived heartbreak and salvaged a relationship that meant a lot to me.

I cultivated relationships with friends and made some new ones as well.

I went out on some dates with interesting guys, though I didn’t meet the Future Mr. Kenlie. Ha I did get to watch my close friends say “I do,” which was pretty amazing. I’ve never been happier to see anyone marry.

Overall I guess my year was relatively routine and low key. It definitely had some ups and downs, but I can’t tell you how cool it is to feel like I have roots somewhere. I doubt I’ll stay in New Orleans forever, but I’m happy here now.

I’m thankful that I’ve lived in the same place for a couple of years, and I’m looking forward to living in the same place for even longer. I like my location, my neighbors, my view and my surroundings.

After a few tumultuous and/or eventful years, it’s okay to look back on 2012 as quiet and satisfying. Maybe I’ll do something more exciting in 2015, or maybe I’ll just kick back and enjoy my quiet, friends and family filled life.

Here’s to a bright 2015 for all of us…

Weekend Wrap-Up

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I love weekends, but this one was one of my favorites lately. Friday evening I had dinner and drinks at a place that has been on my list of places to try with stellar company, then I woke up Saturday morning and learned that I won a pair of Kork-Ease boots via instagram from Feet First, a local shoe boutique.

I went in that morning and picked out a pair boots with my friend, Michelle, and she bought a great pair of shoes. After that we spent time at the Riverwalk Outlets in my neighborhood. We ate lunch and spent time looking around at various shops, then I met up with another friend who spent the afternoon on my rooftop with me.

It’s been a while since I took advantage of the rooftop, but the weather in New Orleans is beautiful right now. My neighbors and I were joined by my friend, Alonzo, that evening too.

Sunday morning I didn’t attend church. It’s weird to sleep in on a Sunday, but it felt good today. My long time blog friend, Lynn, came into New Orleans, and it was awesome to finally meet her!

We had lunch at one of my favorite spots in my neighborhood, Domenica. I was sad to learn that they had removed my favorite pizza from the menu until I tried the pumpkin pizza. (I know, it sounds odd, but it was amazing!) The pizza, which was loaded with roasted pumpkin and bacon.

When Lynn and her husband headed to the game, I came home and did a little baking and visiting with my neighbors. We watched the Saints win, which was awesome and long overdue and painted my nails for the second time of the day.

“Miami Beet” and “Ski Teal We Drop” by OPI

Lynn brought me two sets of holiday Jamberry wraps, and I can’t wait to wear the Halloween wraps later this week. Has anyone else that I know use Jamberry?

Now it’s time to start a new week, and I’m ready for it. A friend from New York is coming in for a few days, and I’m going to get to spend some time with her Wednesday morning. I’m kind of hoping that there’s more fun coming up in the next few days too.

Now it’s time to get the week started, which means that I’m back to limiting the amount of sugar that I consume. I’m definitely going to hone my goals this week and add some new things to the mix. More on that later.

Until then…

Sugary Things

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I’ve been pretty stressed out today, and while it hasn’t completely passed, I know that I’ll get through it. I’m not turning to food to comfort me, which feels like a win. I’m sticking to my no doughnuts/macchiatos plan, but there’s still so much that I need to change. When I think of everything that I need to be doing differently, I get overwhelmed. I’m still not ready to look at the big picture, but I’m ready to add another layer to my checklist.

Saying NO to those sweet things is great, but I need to be sure that I’m not replacing them with other sweet things. I’m still at Starbucks regularly, but I’m “indulging” in unsweetened passion tea. It has no calories, and it’s pretty to look at while I work. I can have free refills too (thanks to my gold card status) so it’s a win. I don’t miss the macchiatos most of the time.

I haven’t missed the doughnuts either (probably because I reached the point of total disgust a few weeks ago,) but I have to be careful with other sweet things. Sugar is my weakness. I know that I need to make some adjustments in the way that I consume sugary junk. I know some people who quit sugar cold turkey, but I’m not that strong. I can’t even think about how hard it would be to enjoy life without sugar at any time. I’m sure some of you are strong enough to do that. I’m not.

I met someone recently who only eats dessert on the weekend. That seems like good plan. Refraining from sweets during the week (desserts, random offerings of chocolate covered gummy bears, etc.) would greatly impact that way that I consume sugar. I know someone else who eats well all week and allows himself to eat whatever he wants to eat on Saturdays.

I’m not ready to say that I will not eat anything sweet ever again, but I might be willing to refrain from it on the weekdays. If I can manage to do that without going crazy on the weekend, then I’ll consider that a win.

If I want sugary things during the week, I’ll have fruit. I love honey crisp apples. I keep them stocked in the fall. I realize that they contain sugar, but let’s be honest. I don’t have hundreds of pounds to lose because of all of the fruit I eat.

I did some walking with girlfriends over the weekend, and I was reminded how awesome and easy it is to enjoy my surroundings.

I live in a beautiful neighborhood that people come to see from all over the world. I just need to start taking advantage of that more than I have been lately. I have access to a gym with a nice view as well. I’m not sure why I allowed myself to forget all of the awesome tools and experiences that are right under my nose.

I’m committed to making some positive changes in the coming weeks and months, and it feels good to be making positive progress now. I’ll face the numbers on the scale later, but for now, I think that if I limit sweet treats even more and exercise more regularly, I’ll be doing enough to see a positive shift. I’ve already felt one of in my attitude, and that feels a lot better than what I was feeling until a few weeks ago.

Do you have any tips or tricks for avoiding sweets and/or replacing them with healthier alternatives?

Opinions Please: Let Them Eat Cake, Or Lose Weight…?

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What should I do? I meet up with a dozen friends every Tuesday evening, and I always bring dessert. It’s expected. I mean, no one forces me to bring it, but I know it is appreciated and highly anticipated. Let’s face it. I make good desserts.

It’s no secret that I bake, and it brings me a lot of pleasure to see people enjoying things that I create. Most of the people I see on Tuesday nights do not struggle with weight so eating a piece of cheesecake like the one I brought Tuesday isn’t a big deal to them like it is to me.

I enjoy watching recipes come to life, but it’s hard to watch people enjoy what I make without enjoying it with them. Making cheesecake was better than the cupcake trend because there was no tasting it prior to serving it, but I can’t eat (even a tiny piece of) this every week. One a year? Maybe.

Food surrounds us, and we base a lot of activities around it. It happened in New York, and it happens in New Orleans too (and everywhere else I go.) I love food, and I love people so going out to dinner, eating at a friend’s place before we play games or lunch with friends just feels right to me.

I know folks who have lost incredible amounts of weight by not having a social life, but I am not prepared to sacrifice all of the things that matter to me. Being a skinny hermit won’t make me happier than I would be losing weight slowly and consistently while enjoying my life too.

Maybe I’m just not willing to do what it takes to lose weight. It’s hard knowing that at one point I could do both. I went out, but I also lost weight. I controlled my portions, and I ate one or two unhealthy meals a week instead of several a week.

It’s easier for me to avoid sweet snacks completely, but how should I deal with that fact that they’re expecting me to bring sweet treats? I don’t want to disappoint my friends or make them feel like I care about myself more than them, but I do know that I had to be pretty selfish to be successful before. Is that that answer?

What would you do in my situation? Would you stop bringing sweets? Offer to bring an alternative?

Birthday Presents and Other Happy Things

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I know I’ve said the word ‘birthday’ several times lately, but I love celebrating so I suppose it’s not a surprise. I got almost everything on my wish list and some things that weren’t on the list, and yesterday when I got home there were some fun packages waiting for me. I love presents whether it’s my birthday or not so I was thrilled to find a package from Leslie. She knew that I wanted a Bahama Breeze Yankee Candle, and she made it happen. Thanks, L. My place smells amazing now!

My sister also sent an insulated HydroFlask bottle, and I am in love with it. Seriously…I’m blown away by its performance. Living in New Orleans means that every day is sweltering. I brought the bottle with me as I ran errands, and after leaving it in the car for about an hour while I was on campus, I opened it – expecting the water to be hot, and it was still freezing. It was as cold as it was when I filled the bottle.

My mom has a Hydro Flask too, and it keeps things cold forever so I did a little experiment of my own. After dinner last night I filled my bottle with ice, closed it and left it on the counter, and today after lunch the ice was still solid. Check out the photo above. The one in the bottom corner was taken after about 15 hours. Crazy, right?

I drink at least a gallon of water per day so I won’t need it to last that long, but it’s so cool that it does. And it’s teal…Bonus! Thanks again, Sis!

She’ll be here soon with my niece, and I’m looking forward to it. This will be my last visit with Hannah before her little sister joins us in the world so Auntie is going to try to make her trip especially awesome!

It has been a good week. I’ve made some healthy choices, but I can still do more than I’m doing. I’m trying to reframe my thoughts on eating. I need to remember that I don’t have to eat healthy foods; I get to eat healthy foods. When you look at it that way, it makes everything feel different, and after chatting about it with Dani and many other friends at Fitbloggin, it seems to be clicking in my mind. Dani is working on reframing her thoughts too, and she wrote a blog post about it here. Check it out.

Right now it’s time for me to study for mid-terms because the first one is happening tomorrow. I have another paper due too so I should consider doing that now as well. I’ll break for Bikram Yoga, then I’ll get back to the grind.

I hope everyone is having a great week. It feels like it’s flying by here. What are your plans to be healthy today? Also, does anyone else have a Hydro Flask? Do you love it as much as I love mine?

Packing For A Week of Travel

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Traveling is different when you’re obese. I have to take things into consideration that the average size person doesn’t have to think about, and I’m ready for this trip.

How big are the seats on the airplane?
Should I board early to ask for a seat belt extension?
Can I pack a week’s worth of clothes (plus workout clothes and sneakers) in one suitcase?
Which airline should I fly?
Will I have to take a connecting flight?
What kind of snacks should I pack so I don’t have to eat crappy, overpriced airline food?
Will the person next to me be rude?

It’s not easy traveling when you weigh more than the average person, and if you know me (or watch the news) you may know that most trips I take are fine even though I’ve had more than my fair share of horrific travel experiences. You may also know that I do whatever I can to ensure that my trips will go smoothly for myself and everyone around me.

I’m looking forward to a long day of travel tomorrow, and when shopping for this flight I chose Frontier Airlines because I’ve had several good experiences with them in the past. I have a long layover that I’m not looking forward to, but I’m prepared for it. I plan to read Entwined in You, the next book in the Crossfire Series by Sylvia Day which will likely keep my mind occupied.

I haven’t needed a seat belt extension on my last few flights, but I’ll probably still ask for one out of habit and insecurity.

My goal is to pack a week’s worth of clothes into one suitcase too because I always check and additional bag when I come home from Fitbloggin. Packing for this conference is tricky too because it requires more clothing than other trips. I need clothes for working out, going out and for learning sessions during the day, and I have to be picture ready too, of course.

The plan is to bring one pair of sneakers (because I’ll probably receive a new pair when I get there) and only a couple of other pairs for the week. As I started packing I noticed that there’s an interesting mix of sparkle, lace and dri-fit in my bag that only happens when I pack for this yearly trip.

I’m looking forward to getting to Portland and recharging with friends while learning how to be a better blogger among other things. I hope you’ll check out my live blogging on Fitbloggin.com, and if we’re friends, I hope to see you there.

Do you do anything special when planning for a trip? Will I see you at Fitbloggin this year?

No More Shame, Or Why I Almost Decided Not To Go To Fitbloggin’

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If you know me, you probably know that I go through phases in which I travel a lot. You may also know that Fitbloggin’ has been one of my favorite events to attend over the years. The first two years I attended were in Baltimore which, for me, was a no-brainer, but I gave it more thought this year for a few reasons.

First, it’s in Portland, OR which has never been on my list of places I’d like to go. I’ve heard that it’s a beautiful city and that the hotel in which the conference will be held is equally beautiful. (That’s good to know!) I’m just an east coast girl so it has never been on my radar. After doing some research and hearing some amazing stories about it, I’ve extended my trip, and I plan to spend a few days there after the conference. (I’m obviously excited now.)

Secondly, it’s a much longer flight that requires a connection. If you know me even a little bit, you know that I despise connecting flights. When I lived in New York, it was easy to say that I’d fly direct, or I wouldn’t go. That’s not as easy flying out of New Orleans, and it seemed to be impossible when I was perusing flights online.

The third reason is much bigger though. I haven’t lost any weight since the last one. The conference is designed for fitness-minded bloggers (many of whom will weigh less than they did last time I saw them,) and I’m going to be about 10 pounds heavier this year than I was at the last one. Do you know how ridiculous and shameful I feel when I think about how I’ve spent the last several months moving in the wrong direction?!

Here’s the thing about Fitbloggin’ though – it’s about growth and progress, self-acceptance and a lot of other positive things. Maybe folks will notice that I’m a bit larger than I was at the last one, but I can’t imagine imagine missing out on giant the giant hugs, learning experiences, awesome workouts and happy reunions that are imminent because I’m not happy that my clothes fit a bit tighter right now.

Many of the people in attendance, some of whom are dear friends, know how much I’ve struggled to hang on by a thread, and some of them understand it because they’ve lived it. Some of my best friends came as a result of Fitbloggin’ too, and they’ve never liked or disliked me based on the size of my clothes.

It may not be quite as easy to face old friends and new ones as it would be if I were at least a few sizes smaller, but it would be far more difficult to let the opportunities pass me by because I’m not happy with myself. I’ve been trying to listen to my body lately, and it seems to be working better than I imagined that it would. I’m also feeling good about my workouts, and I’m in a happier, much more settled place than I was during the previous years. I’ve made tremendous amounts of progress within my mind, and my body is still strong as well.

I’m glad that I’ve decided to get over the embarrassment so I can attend Fitbloggin’ because when I go, I always feel as though I’m right where I belong, and I can’t wait to have that feeling again.

Get ready, Portland. I’ll be there soon.

Have you ever attended Fitbloggin? Will you be there this year?

What Are Your Summer Travel Plans?

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Do you ever go through periods of life in which you feel like you can’t catch up? I’m going through that right now, but I feel like I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

After feeling sick for over a week, I recovered (apart from the coughing that won’t stop) just in time for finals. The most difficult exam I’ll take will be today, and my brain is fried from the studying I’ve been doing. Thankfully, it is also the last final I have to take this semester, but I have a B in the class right now (which is totally unacceptable) so I have to ace it. Wish me luck!

Between being under the weather and studying (and let’s be honest – procrastinating when I should have been studying,) my workouts have suffered lately. I’ve managed to hit the gym upstairs a few times, but I’m not doing my best. I’m not even coming close, and there’s really no excuse for that.

When class is over today, I’ll have two weeks off before my summer courses begin. I have spent far too long trying to figure out how I can make my summer class schedule work with my travel schedule. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be, but I think I have it figured out.

I’m looking forward to Summer because I’m going to some great places, seeing some extraordinary people and attending some highly anticipated events.

Fitbloggin will be the first of them, and I can’t wait! This will be my third year to attend, and there are so many people that need to be prepared for gigantic hugs from me! I’m looking forward to meeting some new people too. Will I see you at Fitbloggin?

A month later I will be attending BlogHer for the first time, and I’m excited about that too! It will be my first BlogHer conference, and I plan to stay for a few extra days to spend time with friends in Chicago.

I’m heading to Washington, D.C., New York and some other places as well. I haven’t been New York lately, and it’s time to head back. I have places to go and people to see.

I’m also seeing my sister and my niece when they visit New Orleans in July. My birthday month is going to be a good one! Maybe a special someone in our nation’s capital will help me make this birthday as perfect as my last one. (Hey! July will be here before we know it, and it’s never too early to make a birthday wish!)

It has been a few weeks since I’ve been on an airplane, but I’ll be bouncing around the country again soon. What are your travel plans? Where will you be as the weather turns warm?

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