Airplanes and Food

Blogging is one of my favorite things to do on an airplane, and right now I’m fired up so I want to discuss the ridiculousness that is food choices. (Don’t judge me. It’s 9:22 pm, and I haven’t had dinner.)

I’m on a flight from New York to New Orleans. We were delayed over an hour one we boarded, which is nothing compared to the several hours of delays I faced on the way to New York. Now it’s time for dinner, and I don’t have any reasonable options.

While visiting the city that never sleeps, I found myself in bed relatively early every night. I slept so well every night, and I’m looking forward to climbing under the blankets in my own bed tonight.

Going to bed significantly earlier means that I need to eat dinner earlier too, but that’s not going to happen tonight. My options on the plane, apart from the complimentary pretzels, cookies and peanuts, are potato chips or trail mix. (Really, Delta?)

It’s not just Delta though. Sadly, apart from first-class flights from L.A. to New York, I’ve never had very good options, and that’s aggravating. They serve up drinks that I’m not interested in so I ask for water, which is fine. They’re not flying us around for free so I just wonder why the airlines can’t do better than overpriced Pringles and trail mix.

I’d be willing to pay ten bucks for a sandwich, snap peas and hummus or something similar on a 3-hour evening flight, but that’s not an option today. Instead I’ll just sit back, relax and be happy that I’ll be able to make better choices tomorrow.

What do you think about airplane food? Do you have any ideas regarding how they could offer better choices in flight?

The More I Learn, The More I Realize That There’s So Much That I Don’t Know

There’s no question when it comes to whether or not I am as perfect as I can be already. I’m not. I have so much to learn, but often times, what holds me back is in inability to admit that I still have so much to learn.

I know that I need to eat less, move more, etc. What I struggle to understand is why I want to eat so much so often. Delving into the associated feelings to find an answer threatens to put me in a place in which I have to feel some uncomfortable things.

Why do I feel such a strong urge to go out of my way to make a stop at Krispy Kreme on my way home from a certain man’s house? Am I sabotaging myself since he doesn’t love me quite enough? Am I trying to fill a void? Am I depressed because I’m not getting what I want when I want it?

I could answer yes to all of these questions, but in thinking about these things, I find myself trying to put on a face of bravery or indifference to spare myself from feeling those unhappy feelings.

I have so many reasons to be thankful, and I am. I have so much. I
struggle to admit that I still want more (in relationships, in weight-loss, in everything…) because I don’t want to seem ungrateful for everything that I do have.

Gaining control of my life is obviously a multi-faceted process, and I’m not succeeding in all of the areas yet. Overall, I’m happy more often than I’m sad. I’m thankful more often than I’m envious. I’m at peace more often than I’m stressed.

I’m in a good place, but I’d like to get to an even better place. Can I do that without trudging through some uncomfortable emotions to get there? Probably definitely not.

It’s not always easy to love myself just because (not because I lost some weight or because I’m doing well in school or because I’ve accomplished x, y or z) just because, but it’s getting easier.

I’m learning that my existence (my purpose) is to learn and change and grow. I want to impact others with my positive attitude and with my willingness to try and fail and try again.

Success isn’t about getting from point A to point B without making mistakes. It’s about continuing to fight through obstacles and starting over when necessary. It’s about understanding who you are and what your purpose is, and then turning those thoughts into action.

It’s Not Only About The Numbers

I don’t talk about my weight or (lack of) efforts here much here because I don’t see the point in it. I’ve gained weight, and I don’t like it. I know that I need to make some changes if I want my weight to change, blah, blah, blah…

I’d like to start seeing the numbers decrease again, but more importantly, I’d like to regain control of my habits.

It was a pretty simple process for me. Eat mostly healthy food, track it and exercise. Simple enough, but it’s not something that I’ve been focused on over the last year. I haven’t exactly given up on reaching my health goals, but I haven’t done anything to achieve them in a long, long time – until last week.

There’s something about Fitbloggin that makes you believe that you can do anything. It could be the fact that there are hundreds of people in the same place who recognize that it’s not easy even though they also realize it’s possible.

When I got home from Savannah I decided to make a simple change. I didn’t worry about changing anything except this – I decided to track my food.

It’s astoundingly easy to pass on the doughnuts when you’re calculating the calories and fat in them. For me, tracking food makes it real. I want to be proud of the things that I write down so I make better decisions. I drink more water. I try harder to do healthy things, and I feel better as a result.

I’m a week into tracking, and I don’t know what the scale says. I don’t care what it says, but I know my body. I know that I weigh a little less than I did last week because I’ve made good choices. That realization leads me to want to make more good choices.

Maybe I don’t have it all figured out, and maybe it will still be a struggle. Regardless, it’s been a long time since my food choices were intentional, and it makes me feel good.

Has anyone else noticed a difference in your food choices due to journaling them? Am I the only one who chooses an apple over a cookie when I know I’m about to write it down?

Question: Would You Be Thankful? Embarrassed? Offended?

I wrote this while traveling to New York yesterday, but I got distracted before posting it.  I’m still curious about the answer to the question so please take a minute to hear me out.

—–

I’m currently on a flight to New York City, and when I arrived at the gate I learned that I would not be sitting in first class today. We’ve been through this. My anxiety level drops to zero when I know I’ll be seated in a 21 in. seat, but it rose quickly today as I realized that I was about to board a tiny airplane.

Prior to boarding I had a conversation with a woman named Alice. She’s around my height, but she’s on the smaller side of average in weight. Our conversation, which started with last-minute flight prices eventually led to the size of seats, how the industry could make flying more comfortable for passengers while continuing to make money.

I shared all of my typical thoughts and ideas, but it didn’t solve today’s dilemma.
The seats on this plane are less than 16.9 inches. I prepare for every flight by making sure that I know the size of the seat before I choose a ticket. I check and double-check, but Delta representatives don’t always provide accurate information. I’m not complaining. I get it. Most people don’t call in with these questions, but I’d be willing to guess that I’m not the only one who inquires.

Anyway, I when I realized that I wasn’t sitting in a 21 in. seat, I got a little nervous. I didn’t panic the way I used to because it’s usually fine, but I was concerned.

Once I boarded I realized that I’d be fine. The lady sitting next to me was friendly and not at all bothered by me. I told her that the flight attendant would try to move one of us once everyone had boarded, but she insisted that she was fine. I told the flight attendant that if she was fine, I was fine, and a woman on the other side of the aisle offered her space so we switched.

I explained that I didn’t want to encroach on anyone’s space, nor did I think that my comfort was more important, etc. They thought I was silly for worrying about bothering them, and we departed without issue.

Alice, who was sitting in first class, came back and chatted for a few minutes, and she asked how I would feel if she offered me her seat. She said wanted to know if people, in general, would consider it offensive, and I explained that I couldn’t speak for everyone. I think I’d be grateful for the offer, and I’d survey the circumstances before deciding whether or not to accept the offer.

There was a time when I was drowning in insecurity and pride, and I might not have responded well to the offer. That said, it seems like most people would be happy to be offered a seat with more space.

I didn’t take her seat. I’m fine in economy class, at least today, but it poses a question that I find interesting. If you’re reading this, please take a moment to answer.

If you were uncomfortable on a flight (due to your size) how would you feel if someone of average size offered you their roomier seat? Would you be thankful? Embarrassed? Offended?

Honest and Uninspired

I don’t love blogging here anymore.  I like sharing my thoughts, but it’s been a long time since I was interested in discussing my health here.

I’ve droned on about my feelings of regret and failure because I’m not succeeding in the area of weight-loss, but while I was in Savannah a friend posed a very important question that made me think about failure and success in a different way.

She asked, “What are your top 3 priorities in life right now?”  I listed things like school, my relationship with God, people in my life, etc.  Nowhere on my list of priorities did weight-loss appear, and she lovely pointed out that I’m not failing in weight-loss because I’m not trying to lose weight.

When I made it a priority, the weight came off.  When I counted points and exercised, the results showed.  When I held myself accountable, I succeeded, but it’s been a long, long time since I have bothered with that.

My priorities have been placed on other things, and I’ve been open about that.  Eating delicious food with my friends makes me happy.  It’s not the only thing that makes me happy, but I like it.  Exercise makes me happy too, but that’s easier to forget.  I love the feeling I get when I push through a tough workout.  I like both things, but I’ve allowed myself to forget the importance of moderation in both.

I’m not sure when I’ll find a new, more focused groove.  I’m also not sure that I’ll share it here when I do.  I wish that I could tell you that I’m on track to losing 150 pounds, but I’m not.  It’s not my top priority, and it has to be if it’s going to happen.

I wish that the reality didn’t seem so somber, but I’m just being honest about where I am.  I’ve experienced an incredible amount of positive change in the last couple of years, and I hope it continues in a way that helps me to regain control and to lose weight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fitbloggin, Friends, NOLA Church and Stuff

I can’t believe that it’s already finals week for the summer session.  The last few weeks have been busy and awesome, and while I haven’t made much time to check in here, I decided to do that this evening.  (I should be studying for a final exam that I’m taking tomorrow at noon, but blogging is more fun than studying – regardless of the topic.)

My weekend was jam packed.  Brandi, who many of you probably know from DietsinReview.com, spent a couple of days at my place with her family.  They weren’t here long, but we managed to explore the French Quarter, eat a po boy sandwich and beignets, take a nap during a thunderstorm and take a selfie or two (while I was a sweaty mess!)

Brandi and Kenlie

I did homework spent Sunday morning at church and had lunch with some special people too.  I am part of the worship team at NOLA Church, and God’s presence filled the place.  It was pretty amazing.

Kenlie NOLA Church

During Monte’s sermon, he said that God’s rewards always come with responsibility, and that hit me like a ton of bricks.

Sometimes (okay, most of the time) it’s not easy for me to invite people to church or to share with them that Jesus wants to be in their lives.  I hate ‘pushing’ these important, well-meaning statements on people because I *hated* being invited to church.  If you wanted to piss me off, all you had to do was tell me to go to church.  (Seriously?  I know…)

I still don’t always feel comfortable pushing my beliefs on anyone, but sometimes I want to share my faith.  If you don’t want to hear it, stop reading now, and come back on a different day.

 

Here are some things that have been on my mind lately:

  • Life without God is a downward spiral.  I’m in a small group, in which Monte is unpacking the book of Romans, and  it’s been awesome so far.  If you want to understand God’s character, read Romans. I can’t tell you how much better life is with God than it is without Him.
  • Religion can’t save you.  Following a set of rules, then showing off how well you did on Sunday is not part of God’s plan for me.
  • God’s rewards always come with responsibility.  When you’re involved in planting a church, there’s a long list of things that you have an opportunity to do.  We’re currently worshipping in a construction zone, which means that we have to do set-up and tear downs each week.  Some of us host small groups or Bible studies, etc.  I do social media and lead worship with an amazing team, and it all takes time.  With great reward (a permanent location, brains, etc.) comes great responsibility.  Check out Luke 12 if you want to see that confirmed.

Now it’s time to get back to the grind.  I had decided that I wasn’t going to attend Fitbloggin this year since I’m heading to New York the following week.  I’ve been feeling disconnected from the blog world this year, but after spending the weekend with Brandi, I was reminded of how much I love Fitbloggin.  I’m about 99% sure that I’ll be heading that way later this week, which means that I have a lot to accomplish before that.

When I started writing this post, it was still light outside.  Now it’s dark, which is a reminder than I need to study.  I also need to complete a research paper before Wednesday.  Yikes.

What are you doing that’s exciting this week?

The Handsome Guy at the Coffee Shop

Dating isn’t easy in my body, but the truth is, it’s complicated for most people. I just have the added frustration fun of waiting for someone to see past my size and gorgeous friends.  (Seriously, I have some incredibly pretty friends, but I wouldn’t trade them.)

I spend a lot of time at Starbucks because of the free iced coffee and tea refills and Wi-Fi.  I’m there several times a week for meetings, coffee with friends and to work or study before of after class, and lately, I’ve noticed that I’m not the only habitual tea drinker at that particular location.

There’s a guy.  He’s tall, dark and incredibly handsome, and he’s been in my line of sight during my last several trips to Starbucks.  He tends to show up around the time that I do or a few minutes later, and while I wouldn’t dream of talking to him, I wish I had enough confidence to consider it.

I don’t know the guy.  Maybe he’s a jerk, but he seems like the handsome, slightly nerdy type who would know that Eric Cantor was defeated in the Virginia primary earlier this week.  (Nerdy, politically aware girls can dream too.)

Since there’s no way that I’d talk to him first, I suppose I’ll just have to drink my coffee in silence, while wondering what his name is or if he likes cupcakes.  (If I had to guess, I’d say that he’s not crazy about them, but I could look past that…maybe.)

Have you ever seen someone and felt like you just had to know them?  If so, did you act on it?

 

Making a Difference in a Big Way

I don’t always share the projects that I’m involved in on my blog, but if we’re connected on social media, you might know that I’m involved with a pretty incredible group of people who aren’t afraid to stand up and make a difference.

PlusInc is a nonprofit organization that is committed to giving a voice to people of all sizes, and among other things, I’m honored to be on the Board of Directors.

If you’ve read my blog for very long, then you probably know that I’ve faced some pretty harsh discrimination because  ‘I have the nerve to be plus-sized.’  And you may also know that while my goal is to get to a healthy weight, I believe that we should all be treated with respect regardless of size.

The Declaration of Independence doesn’t say that we have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as long as we’re not obese.  As Americans, we’re citizens first, and at our core, we’re human beings first.

We’re the only species that is so strongly led by emotions, and I get it.  People fear what they don’t know, but when that fear turns into hatred or misplaced resentment, what started as ignorance becomes completely unnecessary a problem for all of us.

I’ve always been hesitant to affiliate myself with the size-acceptance movement because so many seem to think that we need to stay larger than average to sincerely believe in it, but PlusInc has taken the pressure off by accepting me as I am and allowing me to choose the path thats best for my life, so I’m all in.

To get involved, or to learn more, go to: http://www.plusinc.org/membership.html. You can also check us out on Facebook and Twitter.

 

Seeking Validation and Instant Gratification

We all like to feel validated, and some of us need it more than others.  I used to be among the neediest people I knew, and as I sat with Jeff and Shannon last night at Starbucks, we reflected on the changes we’ve all gone through over the last year.

Jeff got married, and Shannon met someone worthy of an exclusive relationship with her.  We’ve all taken different steps, but we’ve all grown. My relationships with God and people are significantly different than they were one year ago.

I talk about it a lot here – I know who God is.  I know what He did for me (in sending Jesus to pay the ultimate price for me and save me from myself,) and knowing that gives me peace, hope and validation that never existed before.

I still like attention, but I don’t need it anymore.  Now my biggest struggle comes from my need for instant gratification.  Whether I’m shopping or eating or dating, I find myself looking for the quickest way to achieve all of the fast, happy feelings.

My need for instant gratification has become evident over the last several years, but I never considered the possibility that it was tied to my weight gain.  It makes perfect sense, of course, and now I have to figure out how to replace the desire for immediate gratification with the contentment that I’ve experienced in other areas of my life.

I don’t know how to combat this issue yet, but I do know that there has to be a way.  I know that I should pray about it, but I haven’t yet.  I’ve become so accustomed to feeling like a failure in weight-loss, that it has become an excuse to stay this way.

I want to continue to change even though it doesn’t always feel good, and I want to learn to be content with everything that I’m already lucky enough to have.

Does anyone else struggle with the need for instant gratification?

 

 

Tieks and Tory Burch and Why Target Won

Last week I wrote a post about Tieks and Tory Burch because I desperately needed new flats.  I love Tory Burch, but when I was searching for a replacement for my latest, doomed pair, I didn’t see anything as cute or versatile my last pair.

While I was at Target with my friend, Ariel, we decided to take a look at the shoes.  I don’t often buy shoes from Target, but I have been happy with the ones that I’ve had in the past so I looked too.

Good grief!  I found a few pairs of amazing flats!  The gold ones below are adorable and comfy, and they were only $16.99!  Seriously?  They’re cuter than the expensive pairs I saw over the weekend, and they’re versatile too!

Mossimo Flats from Target

I was pretty excited to find a cute pair of flats for under $20, but I also found two additional pairs that were on clearance for $5.08.  Obviously, they found their way into my shopping cart too!

Flats from Target

When Clint met up with Ariel and me, he suggested that I find a pair of black and white flats to match an outfit that I plan to wear on my birthday.  (What? Doesn’t everyone plan their birthday outfit at least a month in advance??)

I disagreed with him, thinking that it would be smarter to invest in black ballet flats until I saw the striped shoes at Target!  I liked the sassy red stripe on the back, and for $5, I was able to complete the outfit.

 

Black and White Flats

By shopping for flats at Target, I was able to pick up three pairs for less than $30.00.  They’re cute and comfy, and while they might not be as durable as my favorite designer flats, they’ll be worth it even if they only last throughout the summer.

I also found a pair of Born wedges at Dillard’s over the weekend.  I’ve gotten out of the habit of wearing shoes with a heel, but these wedges feel sturdy and comfortable.  I also like how they look on my feet.

Born Wedges from Dillards

I found four pairs of shoes over the weekend, and I spent less than half of what I would have spent on a pair of Tieks or Tory Burch flats.  Sure, I’d still like to try the Tieks.  I’d really like a pair of these in black too, but I feels good about the shoes that I found.  I also feel good about their budget-friendly price tags.

Am I the only one who gets excited over awesome shoe finds?