Tag Archives: Cravings

One Month Later

It’s been a few days since I looked at my blog because I’ve been busy with things that are more important, but now it’s time for an update. My aunt, Debbie, came into town last week because her youngest granddaughter, who’s only four years old, has a tumor on her brain. it didn’t look good when she arrived, but after a six hour surgery we’ve learned that she does not have cancer. We’re so relieved, and it feels good to know that she’ll be able to go home without having radiation or anything else that could harm someone as little as she is. She’s laughing and playing now, and it will be years before she understands the severity of what she was facing going into that hospital. Kids are so resilient, and we’re all so thankful that she’s going to be okay.

It has been one month since I have consumed a sugary drink from Starbucks, and the same goes for doughnuts. If you don’t struggle with food, then you may not be capable of understanding how empowered I feel as a result.  That’s okay. You don’t need to. I feel awesome because I’m no longer a slave to caramel macchiatos and fresh glazed doughnuts even though I’m still a regular at Starbucks.

Starbucks New Orleans LA

Shannon and Ariel love coffee as much as I do, and they have helped me stay accountable.

Last week I decided that since I was feeling so good about not eating those sugary things, that I’d add all other sugary things as well. I decided to try one day without consuming sugary snacks, and it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I decided to try it again the following day, and I was successful in that too. Starting now, for the next month, I’m limiting sweets to Saturdays, but I was mindful of what I ate over the weekend as well because I was reminded of how incredible I feel when I’m in control.

I have a long way to go, but I’ve made more progress in the last month than I have in years. A month ago I was completely fed up and disgusted with myself, and today I feel like there’s hope for me. I’m taking it one day at a time, and I’m happier with myself than I’ve been in a long time as a result.

What’s your trigger?  Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Do you have any tips for staying in control of your cravings?




Ideas for Tackling Food Cravings?

As I was reading blogs this morning I came across a post about strategies to tackle food demons, and I started thinking about what I can do to control my own cravings.

I often crave food when I’m not hungry.  In my mind it doesn’t matter if I’m happy, sad, stressed, lonely, bored, etc.  My mind automatically assumes that situations will be more gratifying if food is involved, and I’ve been attempting to change that mindset for years.  I still have a lot of work to do.

I did a little research (thank you, Google) and came up with a few ways to beat cravings that I can imagine working, and I am going to start implementing them right now.

Brush your teeth – I can see this working because I don’t like to eat anything for a while after I brush my teeth.  I can also whiten them because that means no eating for at least two hours, but I certainly can’t do that every time I have a craving.  i don’t want my teeth to be so white that they glow in the dark. 😉

Avoid your triggers – Jeez.  This one is tough because so many things make me want to eat junk, but I get the point.  Last week I picked up my old friend, Clint ( aka The Suit) at the airport, and his flight didn’t come in until after midnight.  I had some time to kill so as I was driving past Krispy Kreme, I decided to order a doughnut.

Krispy Kreme Metairie

I avoid this place most of the time because it’s so easy to convince myself that I need to buy more than one doughnut, but that night I reminded myself that the gratification of the doughnut would make me feel good for about 30 seconds before it made me feel bloated, lethargic and regretful.  I left the parking lot…doughnut-less, and I felt like I had won a battle within myself.

Drink  water – I drink a lot of water, but it’s hot in New Orleans so I won’t hurt myself if I drink more than that.  I keep a few 32 oz. bottles filled at all times, and it’s fairly easy to drink one quickly.  I usually feel full for a while after that, but I also feel like I did something good for myself, thus making it a little bit easier to pass on the junk food.

Keep it out of your environment – I cleaned out my fridge last week and got rid of most of the things that aren’t good for me.  I have a pint of ice cream in the freezer, but it’s not a trigger for me.  I have a serving from time to time, but I’m usually okay with that.  I don’t keep chips or candy in my place most of the time, and when I bake, I get it out of my house quickly too.

It’s easier for me to succeed when I have healthy choices available instead of unhealthy ones which leads me to my next strategy…

Plan – When I chop veggies for stir fry or roasting, I eat them.   When I boil eggs so I have a quick snack, I eat them.  When I come up with new, delicious ideas like a banana + 1 tbps of freshly ground almond butter, I eat that.

Exercise – I don’t mean that you should hit the gym every single time you crave a cupcake (although that may not be a bad idea for me.)  I mean, if you’ve made time to exercise, it’s a little easier to remind yourself that you’re doing good things for your body.  Maybe it’s a good idea to do three sets of jumping jacks, planks or something similar instead of eating, but that won’t always be a realistic option.  I mean, the folks at Starbucks might look at me like I’m crazy if I start doing lunges when I’m craving baked goods.  (I just ten avoid them there.)

Having healthy options that I like allows me to eat food that tastes good which reminds me that I’m doing this because I can, not because I have to.

Eat regularly – I know that when I eat breakfast and exercise that I will likely have a healthy day.  I also know that when  I avoid eating until late afternoon, I’ll eat too much at that point so it’s important to eat in a timely way.

I realize that there must be a zillion other ways to fight cravings so I’d like to ask YOU to offer some advice on this.  My question is…

What strategies do you use to avoid cravings?

Or is there something that you think might work that we should try?

Many of you have learned how to deal with this successfully, but I’d like to think that I’m not the only one who still fights with myself to say no to overeating.

I’m working on this, and I’d like to know if you are too.  I’d also like to hear your ideas too so please take a moment to share them.




Honest Answers

There are times in which I get comments on my blog that I don’t like, and sometimes when that happens I delete them.  I don’t mind if someone shares an opposing view, but after some of the bitterly scathing comments I’ve received over the last year I’ve decided that it’s okay to draw a line.

After appearing on Nightline in May I got a lengthy comment from someone who started by calling me names and telling me how gross I am before detailing (in several paragraphs) how he would rape me, why I deserved it and which “instruments” he’d use.  At that point I decided that it was okay to censor the comments, and I do.  I send comments from the nasty trolls who are,  for whatever reason, obsessed with me straight to the garbage too.

Most comments, even the most vitriolic, usually roll off my back without worry, but once in a while I receive a comment that really pisses me off.  The latest one doesn’t seem to be snarky so much as judgmental, but I didn’t like it so I sent it to the spam folder.  The messages in that folder typically get deleted without being read, but I saved this comment because I knew I wanted to address it.  I just needed some time to reflect on it first.  Here’s the crux of the comment:

“I’m fairly new around here, and no offense at all meant, but I don’t really see much about your progress these days other than mention of workouts and what not. Every once in a while I’ll see a cupcake reference. But where’s the “meat” of your journey these days. How are you really doing on the scale and mentally with your weight loss? I know sometimes we start off real with our blogs then get nervous as the number of subscribers rise. Just want to encourage you to post some real posts letting us know where you are, and what your struggles are, and update that weigh-ins tab every now and then because we can’t support you unless we know where you really are. :)

Here’s my honest answer:

I pour my heart out here so if you don’t know who I am it’s because you’re not reading.  Since I started this blog I have been painfully honest about my strengths, faults, realizations, fears, accomplishments, etc., and  I take pride in the fact that I don’t write anything  just because I think people want to hear it.  If I did that, I’d have a very different blog – perhaps a more successful one.

Here’s the thing…This journey is hard for me, and I don’t pretend it’s not.  Losing the first hundred pounds wasn’t terribly difficult at the time, but losing the second hundred feels nearly impossible.  The truth is that I resent the fact that I’ve lost over 100 pounds, and that I still have so much to lose.  Most people lose 100 pounds and find that their lives and bodies are completely different, but I’m still fat.  I still don’t know what it’s like to feel sexy or pretty.  I workout like a maniac, and I still don’t know what it feels like to run five miles. I hate what I did to my body, and I hate that I still don’t seem to have everything under control.

My blog has definitely played a huge role in my health, in so much as I’ve managed to keep off over 100 pounds, but I struggle every single day with where to go from here.

I suppose I was offended by this comment because I don’t pretend to be losing weight when I’m not.  I haven’t bothered updating my weight-loss log because I fluctuate between the same few pounds, and I have been for ages.  I finally broke through a major scale barrier recently only to go a few pounds above that number again.  It’s frustrating.  How many times can I possibly say the same thing?

But there’s a fair question here that I had to take some time to seriously contemplate before I could even attempt to answer it.

How are you really doing on the scale and mentally with your weight loss?

Well, I think it’s obvious that I’m not doing as well as I could be doing.  I should be doing more, but I haven’t been.  I could make excuses, but honestly I feel lost and unable to carve out a new groove.  I start the day strong, but as evening approaches I find myself throwing caution to the wind with my food choices.  A voice is my head says “screw it, let’s try again tomorrow.” I fight those feelings from around dusk until I fall into bed almost every night.

Working out makes me happy.  I love endorphins, but I’ve been discouraged by that lately too.  Sure, I’ve burned some calories, but it’s been several weeks since I had an earth shattering workout that makes me feel like I can take on the world.  I love that feeling, and as I write about it I’m inspired to crush a workout today.

I don’t have excuses for why it’s hard, or why I’ve lacked focus for far so long.  God knows I don’t want to quit, but I also have to admit that I’ve been doing just enough to get by. I’m not eating so much that I’ll put the hundred pounds back on, but I’m eating too much to keep losing.  I’m still obese, and I still have so much work to do! That realization makes me feel like a failure, and that’s not easy to admit on my blog or in my own mind.

Food is my nemesis, but too often I treat it like it’s my best friend.   I know that it shouldn’t be either of those things, but I don’t know how to change it.  I don’t know how to convince myself that I don’t need as much of it as I want.  I don’t know how to squelch any of these feelings, and that makes me feel like a failure too.

Look, I certainly don’t eat everything my brain tells me  to eat.  I say no to myself all the time, but I still say yes far too often.  I know I should have this figured out by now, and I did for a while.  But right now I’m back at square one, and I’m terrified.

I know that I have to eat less if I want to see the numbers steadily decrease again. I also know that regardless of what anyone else wants for me I have to be strong by myself.  And as much as I wish I could fix this through surgery or pills, the fact of the matter is that I have to deal with my emotions and how they pertain to food.  I know this.  I know what I’m supposed to do, but I don’t know how to convince myself to do it.

I don’t know how to convince myself that I’m worth the effort everyday.  I don’t feel like I’m worth it, and that’s the reality of where I am right now.

I know that major weight-loss is possible – even for me, but I don’t know how to move forward.  I’m a totally different person than I was 100 pounds ago, and going back is not an option.  I just want to go forward.  I don’t know when I’ll be ready to put one foot in front of the other again, and I don’t know if it will ever get easier.  All I know is that I won’t give up no matter what everyone else thinks of me.

This journey is about a lot more than losing weight.  It’s about learning to love myself, being honest with myself and learning to truly accept myself.  It’s about dealing with my emotions instead of hiding from them, and it’s about becoming content with the person I am as I strive to be better.  That’s the “meat” of my journey, and I’m pretty sure that as I figure those things out the weight will start coming off again.

Until then, I’m going to keep trying to convince myself that I’m worth it.  I don’t know what else to do.



Cupcake Question

While we were in New York last week we ate cupcakes from Crumbs, one of my favorite cupcake shops in NYC.  Kelly brought a variety of them to my little birthday dinner, and we all shared them.  Even ‘The Suit’ had a bite or two even though he’s not a fan of cake. (I don’t understand this at all, but I accept it anyway. Hehe…)

Our first night in the city was not without cupcakes either.  We shared three little 50-calorie cupcakes from Baked by Melissa.  Actually, he took a bite of one, and I ate the other 125 calories or so by myself.

I didn’t go as overboard with cupcakes as I have done in the past, but I had three little ones the first day and the equivalent to almost one big one on the second day.  I ate them and enjoyed them so when The Suit learned that I’d probably get one the following day he asked me why.  At first I was aggravated by the question, but I soon became aggravated that I didn’t have an answer.

He did not say “You don’t need another cupcake, Kenlie.”  He did not say “Why would you eat another when you’ve had so much?”  He didn’t ask the question in judgment at all; he asked it out of curiosity.  He seemed surprised, and I felt a little defensive.  The best answer I could come up with was that I just knew that I wouldn’t be able to have one later.

When I realized that I was *not* actually craving one and that my only reason for eating one was that I might want one a month from now, I felt pretty silly.  Around anyone else I probably would have been embarrassed, but I felt relieved that I had found the answer to a question that I’ve always been too afraid to ask.  He makes me feel safe so I can be honest with him and myself, and at that moment I realized I had more thinking to do.

The truth is that I like cupcakes, but I don’t love them as much as I thought I did.  Since January I have expressed to Kelly and on my blog that I’m usually disappointed by cupcakes once I actually eat them, and the same is true now.  They’re good, but they’re hardly life-changing.  And I enjoyed the amazing company and experiences that I had last week more than any cupcake I’ve ever eaten.

Once again, I didn’t think about food as much when The Suit was around.  I thought about it, but it didn’t consume me.  I will remember a lot of things about our last day in New York, but I have no regrets about skipping the cupcake.  I could have had it, but not having it became a liberating experience for me.  On second thought, maybe I will remember not having it.  Maybe I’ll remember taking control of something that has tormented me far too long.

Regardless, I’m thankful for the person who asks tough questions with patience and empathy, and I’m thankful that every moment brings a new opportunity for me to make choices that make my life healthier and happier.  Who could ask for more?