Tag Archives: Dating

Date Night, Shiftcon and More…

Life has been pretty good over the last few weeks, but this has been one of the best weeks I’ve had in quite a while.

domenica-new-orleansTuesday night Michael and I went out for an early dinner at my favorite restaurant, which is located in the Roosevelt Hotel near my home. The food was delicious! I used to eat the majority of their thin pizza, but that night I was able to eat a small slice.

After dinner we walked into the lobby of the hotel because it’s always decorated beautifully at Christmas, and there were old-fashioned Christmas carolers singing all of my favorite tunes.

I also met Santa Claus that night, which was the highlight of the tree lighting! I’m pretty sure he was the real Santa too because he definitely looked the part.

santa-clausAfter the tree-lighting ceremony we walked back to my place to put our leftovers in the fridge, then we walked down to the Riverwalk. It’s only a few blocks from home too, so we stroll over there from time to time.

We stopped at the Riverwalk outlet mall and shopped. Okay, no…I shopped while Michael played Pokemon Go, and I was able to find the perfect Christmas gift for my dad.

It was also a healthy week for me, which makes me feel good. After hearing my primary doctor tell me that she’s “never seen anyone do so poorly” after weight-loss surgery I dropped another 6 pounds. I’ve added two since then, which brings me to 52 pounds lost since in the last 10 weeks. I’m not losing weight as quickly as I thought I would (or as quickly as others have lost,) but I’m losing. I’m not seeing it on the scale, but I’m feeling it in my clothes.

I bought a shirt last month that I couldn’t button yet hoping that it would fit by Christmas, but it fits now. I could wear it, but I have to drive an hour each way back to The Avenue because they forgot to remove the sensor. I’m glad I kept my receipt!

Now it’s the end of the week, and I spent the day at Shiftcon. I’ve been struggling to consume enough protein lately, but I resorted to drinking things that I don’t like. Thankfully, when I arrived at Shiftcon this morning I learned about a product called Vital Proteins, and it’s going to be a game changer for me.

The awesome folks at Vital Proteins sent me home with lots of unflavored protein that I can add to my coffee and most other things I consume, and it’s such a relief to know that I’ll have enough protein by the day’s end (without continuing to drink stuff that I find appalling.

There are so many awesome people and products at Shiftcon that I’m still a bit overwhelmed by it all (in a good way.) It was so nice to see my long time pal, Alyssa, and my fierce friend, Kia. We were Twitter partying together, which we’ll be doing again tomorrow at 4 pm. You should join us if you can to win some cool prizes!

shiftcon-twitter-party

Now I’m heading out again to have coffee with my friend, Amanda. I’m not ready for beignets, but it’s a great night for a warm and cozy drink.

I can’t wait to head back to Shiftcon tomorrow. I’m so glad it’s right here in my neighborhood because change is happening right in my backyard.

I’m feeling better than I have in months, maybe years. I feel smaller, healthier and lighter on my feet, and I’m starting to feel like this whole weight-loss surgery thing is working. I’m also working on exercising more, and this week I’ve really enjoyed it. (That’s a relief!)

 

 

 

The Post Mardi Gras, Good Grief I Need To Get It Together, Valentine’s Day Blues, Or Something Like That

I’ve sat down to blog several times lately, and I’ve been almost immediately distracted by other things. I wanted to share the details of my food intake during the week of Mardi Gras. In short, I ate a lot of random junk that can barely be considered food. If you follow me on Instagram, then you may have seen the fried Oreos that my neighbor delivered to me during my afternoon nap. You may have also noticed that I enjoyed King cake with friends on more than one occasion.

king cake sucre new orleans

This city shuts down for Mardi Gras. It’s amazing. Stores close, and everyone goes to parades…lots and lots of parades. The revelry lasts for two weeks, and people take it very seriously. I had more fun this year because I found a way to get back to my apartment while avoiding most of the traffic. (This isn’t easy to do when you live at one of the most popular parts of the parade route.) I also went to a couple of parades with co-workers who have become friends, a former colleague and friend and the guy I started dating recently. My favorite neighbor spent a lot of time with me during the week too, and I got very little accomplished. On Mardi Gras Day (Fat Tuesday) I brought Christopher to Starbucks with me, and we met several of my friends there and played board games all afternoon. It was such a simple day, but I loved every minute of it.

My friend, Andrew, who was here in New Orleans for over a week, returned home to New York late last week. And Christopher  is there right now for work, so I took the opportunity to get some sleep, clean house, spend time with people who matter to me and to consider meals for the next few days.

Mardi Gras consists of 14 days of over-indulgence, coupled with time off, but it’s over now. Thankfully, Valentine’s Day is over too. Every year I feel so much pressure to be loved on that day, and every year I feel positively ridiculous about that. I know that I’m loved everyday by my family and friends and Jesus. I’m also happy that I’ve met someone who’s smart, handsome and easy to talk to and makes me laugh until my face hurts, but the pressure of this holiday is way too intense for something so new. Instead of going out on a date, I spent today singing love songs at an assisted living home near my church. They ate ice cream sundaes, and we had some awesome conversations.  The idea was to serve and honor the lovely people there, but they ended up blessing me far more than I could have blessed them.

I’m ready to get back into the healthy groove that I’ve been carving out lately because I feel so much better when I’m doing good things for my body. I spent a lot of time discussing healthy recipes and nutritious lifestyles with one of my favorite people this weekend, and I feel motivated to consume healthy and delicious meals this week. I’ve also caught up on some sleep that I’ve been missing lately, which feels great.

It’s a new week, and I’m ready to make it a good one. I’m taking on more responsibility at work this week, which means I’ll have more opportunities to exercise. I also have my food planned out for Monday and Tuesday. Bring on the quinoa, black beans and chicken! It’s crawfish season too, and I’m already loving that!

crawfish

Is anyone else fighting to get back into the groove this week?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where Did You Meet Your Mate?

Several of my friends have fallen in love with people they met online. Actually, I’ve done it before too. I think that finding love is wonderful regardless of how you meet, but I’m not interested in meeting anyone online now. I’m just not.

My friend, who knows me well, was surprised by my desire to stay single instead of “putting myself out there.” There are a lot of reasons for my preferences in this area, but the biggest one is that I just don’t want to.

I always envisioned meeting someone in my favorite coffee shop and falling for him, and I spent most of last year with a man who simply wasn’t right for me. I’m not saying I’ll meet the future Mr. Kenlie at a coffee shop either; I’m just saying that I don’t want to worry about it right now.

My desire is to be with someone who will complement the life that I already love, but I’d rather stay single than go out looking for him. I don’t want to be emotionally or physically attached to someone who’s not good for me, and I don’t want to waste all of my energy wishing, hoping or even praying about it.

Seriously, God knows my heart. He knows I’d like to meet someone tall, brilliant and fiercely loyal who will look adorable in our selfies, so before Christmas I decided to stop bugging Him about it. Instead I’m trying to help others, find my purpose and enjoy everything that’s already in front of me.

Is it weird that I’m so closed off to meeting someone online? I haven’t always felt this way; it’s just what I’m feeling now, at least in this season of my life.

Did you meet your spouse/significant other online? Did you ever go through a period in which you didn’t want to go that route? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this whether you’ve dated online or not.

The Night Before Life Goes On

Two months ago I wrote a post about the man who held my heart. I talked about the love and affection that he lavished on me, and after several emotional days of thoughtful consideration I decided to give our relationship another try. It was so lovely after that. He was amazingly loving and supportive, and I’ve never felt as desired emotionally and physically by anyone.

Throughout time since the last post I’ve posted status updates and Instagram photos, in a not so subtle attempt to gush about my mushy feelings toward him. I’ve mentioned him here too. I don’t post photos of us, but I have them…sweet, loving photos of us embracing and kissing, and personal ones that make me smile because they remind me of his deep desire for me.

We went out of town a couple of weeks ago, and while we were at dinner we talked about our futures, fears and a myriad of other things. We continued our conversation over coffee, then we sat outside talking before entering the hotel.

He stepped outside while I was in the shower, and when he returned he took the wrong dosage of medicine, causing his blood sugar to drop significantly. (We’re talking diabetic coma low,) and it scared me. His health eventually improved, and he went to sleep. I stayed awake for hours after he slept because his breathing sounded so different than it usually does when he’s sleeping. I love him, and I needed to know he was okay.

I was tired the next day. We argued about something that really bothered me, and I overreacted. He overreacted too, and we didn’t speak again until he walked into our Starbucks on the following Monday. He came to our table and moved his chair close to mine just like he always does, and he asked if it was okay to sit there (after he was seated.) He knew it was okay, and he knew I’d be willing to talk. I was cautious, but I was friendly too. (I’m not going to let anyone change who I am, you know?)

The following day he called and asked if we could meet to talk, and I knew what was coming. His assertions that he loved me and that he was “too invested in our relationship to walk away” had been replaced with silence throughout the prior week.

Surprisingly, I was able to discuss it with him without feeling overly emotional, so he laid out the reasons he thinks we should be “friends.” His reasons included some pretty specific “reasons” that I simply don’t believe, then he said he’d prove it. The thing is, he doesn’t have anything to prove to me. He didn’t like the way I reacted, but it felt as though he was looking for an excuse to end us before that.

I’ve mentioned that he’s significantly older than I am, and the twenty year difference always bothered him. I didn’t mind, but I know that (for other reasons) I’ll be better without him than I would have been with him.

He was extraordinarily attentive while we were together. He made me feel beautiful and desired, and I affected him in a positive way too. We had some incredible moments together, but he was selfish too. I would have done anything to please him or to show him how much I valued him, but he was only willing to do those things on his terms. I think I deserve more than that; I just have to be willing to wait for it.

My heart hurt for a while. It still doesn’t feel good because being around him means there are some ups and downs, but it doesn’t hurt as much as it did yesterday. His mixed signals and gestures bothered me last week, but his selfishness made an overwhelming impact on me yesterday.

My heart feels like glass that has been shattered into tiny pieces, but I realize that it won’t always feel that way for long. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but looking back I recognize that I have wasted love on undeserving men in the past. I have also discovered the incredible courage and resilience that exists in my heart.

I may not be loved by the man who claimed to love me ( at least until recently,) but I am brave. I am quick to to forgive and humble enough to admit when I’m wrong. I am sincere enough to say that I’m sorry when I hurt someone, whether it’s intentional or not, and I’m strong enough to recognize that I will love again.

After a long and difficult day yesterday I was reminded that I am loved. I’m thankful for my friends and family who are always ready to remind me of my worth (even when I can’t see it myself.) I’m also thankful that tomorrow is a new day and that there’s a light at the end of this little tunnel.

 

Dating in The Big Easy is Hard

I’m a plus-size woman who likes to enjoy my life, and I like the idea of meeting someone who wants the same thing. I’m friendly and outgoing. Most of my friends would tell you that I’m confident in almost every circumstance, and in most cases, it’s true.

I am well-groomed, educated, independent and good at a myriad of things. I have talents and hobbies and ambitions (some that that I mention here and many that I don’t.) I have a lot of awesome characteristics, but my weight is the first thing anyone ever sees. Most of time time it defines me before people have a chance to get to know me, and I have mixed feelings about that.

I don’t mind that I’m not desired by everyone. I like attention, sure, but I feel validated and content without the constant need for attention that used to be important to me. I don’t need to be the girl who gets picked up by strangers who want to do her at the bar (or at the auto parts store,) but I’d like to be the woman whose characteristics are attractive and desirable to one man who has his own myriad of attractive characteristics.

It hasn’t been easy to date in New Orleans. (Okay, it doesn’t help that I was hung up on someone for nearly a year,) but recently I decided that I’d let myself try again. I went on a couple of dates while I was out of town,and I clicked with someone here. I was pleasantly surprised by it, and that’s probably all I’ll say about it for quite some time.

Dating in this plus-size body makes it more complicated than it would be if I were thin, but I’m okay with that if it means that I can weed out the majority to get the needle in the haystack.

People often assume that I must feel insecure, especially on dates, but the truth is that I feel pretty good about myself most of the time until society reminds me that I shouldn’t. I don’t remember who said it, but someone made an excellent point recently when they said not to worry about society’s standards because society sucks. I agree, and my hope is that there are guys out there somewhere who agree too.

 

I’m Plus Size, But I’m Not Desperate To Get Laid

Me: Hello?

Him: Hey. What are you up to?

Me: Having coffee with a friend. You?

Him: Oh. You’re not home?

Me: No. Why?

Him: I thought I’d come over.

Me: What? Why?

Him: You know.

Me: I don’t even know you. You think I’d invite you to my place?

Him: Well, I just assumed…

Me: Ohhhhh. You saw me and assumed that I’d be desperate to get laid? It’s making sense now.

Him: Well, when you say it like that…

Me: If you think I’d let you into my home, then there aren’t enough skills in your brain to get into my pants tonight or ever.

Him: Click (Call ended)

It’s not surprising that my suspicions were right about the guy. When he asked why I was surprised, he was asking because he assumed that no one ever asked me out. (Follow me around for a week or two…Actually, don’t. Gross.)

I’m a pretty good judge of character, and I was right about that creep. He thought that I’d be an easy target. The poor guy didn’t realize who he was talking to. I have faults, but I also have an abundance of self-esteem and high standards.

I wasn’t interested in that guy, but there are other possibilities in the works so we’ll see what happens the coming weeks.

As a result of yesterday’s post, I also received a message from a certain guy in DC who never fails to remind me how beautiful he thinks I am. (Hey, guy in DC, thank you…xoxo)

Sometimes guys are jerks. I wish that dating could be easier, but the fact is that I don’t mind waiting for what I want. And it’s definitely not the creep I met at AutoZone.

The Guy Who Asked Me Out at AutoZone

Earlier this week I had to stop at AutoZone I needed a new brake light, and when I was leaving, another shopper who helped the guy replacing my light asked if I was single.

He caught me off guard with his question, but he explained that he was surprised that there wasn’t a man around to install it for me (apart from the sweet guy at AutoZone who offered to do it for me.)

The guy, who was around 40 years old, asked if he could have my phone number, and after chatting for a few minutes I gave it to him. I figured it couldn’t hurt anything since I’ve been in a dating kind of mood lately, then he called me.

He asked about my life. He wanted to know why I didn’t have a boyfriend, and I didn’t know how to answer that. I mean, the answer seems obvious to me. I have some pretty high standards for anyone who enters my life, and I’m plus-size, which seems to deter a lot of potential significant others.

I went out with a guy couple of times recently who reminded me how to have fun and accept things for what they are, and I’m trying to do just that. My fellow shopper wanted to know why I seemed so surprised that he had asked for my number in the parking lot. He wondered if it was something that rarely happened, in general, and I explained that it was just random and unexpected in the parking lot.

Now I find myself wondering if he assumed that I was surprised because no one asks me out…ever. Obviously, it happens. It’s definitely not something that typically happens so quickly. Guys usually spend some time talking to me before they decide that they want to go out with me.

Now I’m asking myself pointless questions that will unlikely be answered. Did he genuinely find me attractive? Did the guy in the parking lot think that I’d be an easy target because I’m plus-size? Perhaps the answer is yes to both questions, but his inquiries about my reaction make me think that perhaps he thought I was an easy target.

It doesn’t matter because I’m not particularly interested in going out with him. I was much more smitten by the guy that I went out with a couple of times last week.

I know that I’m overthinking the stranger’s reasons, but isn’t that why my blog exists? 😉

 

The Handsome Guy at the Coffee Shop

Dating isn’t easy in my body, but the truth is, it’s complicated for most people. I just have the added frustration fun of waiting for someone to see past my size and gorgeous friends.  (Seriously, I have some incredibly pretty friends, but I wouldn’t trade them.)

I spend a lot of time at Starbucks because of the free iced coffee and tea refills and Wi-Fi.  I’m there several times a week for meetings, coffee with friends and to work or study before of after class, and lately, I’ve noticed that I’m not the only habitual tea drinker at that particular location.

There’s a guy.  He’s tall, dark and incredibly handsome, and he’s been in my line of sight during my last several trips to Starbucks.  He tends to show up around the time that I do or a few minutes later, and while I wouldn’t dream of talking to him, I wish I had enough confidence to consider it.

I don’t know the guy.  Maybe he’s a jerk, but he seems like the handsome, slightly nerdy type who would know that Eric Cantor was defeated in the Virginia primary earlier this week.  (Nerdy, politically aware girls can dream too.)

Since there’s no way that I’d talk to him first, I suppose I’ll just have to drink my coffee in silence, while wondering what his name is or if he likes cupcakes.  (If I had to guess, I’d say that he’s not crazy about them, but I could look past that…maybe.)

Have you ever seen someone and felt like you just had to know them?  If so, did you act on it?

 

No More

This is one of those posts that’s for me, not you. If you don’t want to read about my love life or God, come back another day.

I fell for someone last fall when I was trying to focus on other things. He came into my life and complemented it. He’s a family man, and he provided a lot of stability in my life…until he didn’t anymore.

If you asked him, he would tell you that I didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, I was amazing in my not-quite-relationship with him. His kids adore me. They started blooming when I came into their lives. Their grades went up, they started getting closer to God, and they all had someone with whom they could trust to share their feelings.

Life was good for all of us. He was happier at the mention of my name than his family had ever seen him. Even his ex-wife was happy for him, and that was an odd, yet lovely feeling.

At one point several weeks ago (immediately following one of the happiest evenings I’ve ever had with him) he said, “Kenlie, when are we going to stop pretending that we’re not a couple?”

I giggled and said, “when you stop pretending. That’s your issue, not mine.”

He didn’t laugh though. Instead I spent the evening talking with him on his sofa. We held hands, giggled, flirted and talked for hours about his “need for clarity.” He has issues/fears about getting remarried, and I reminded him that I was in no rush for that. I explained that I would need time to develop an exclusive relationship with him (even though I had been un-dating him for months.)

He said that he knew me well enough to know that he wanted to marry me. He spent nearly everyday with me for months. He knows my family and friends (many of whom are mutual.) He knows every lie I’ve ever told (the little ones and big ones.) He knows all of the mistakes that I’ve made and my imperfections, and still, he said that he knew enough to want to marry me. Sadly, he said that he believed that God wouldn’t like it.

He’s a black and white kind of guy, and while that can be great at times, it can also screw things up when he becomes closed-minded. He believes certain things that I won’t share in detail here, except to say that those beliefs are based on pride, fear of moving on and religion. And that’s a deadly combination.

Religion is the arch enemy of Jesus. The rules that religion have dictated on this man’s life leave me oscillating between anger and uncertainty. If Jesus walked into the fundamentalist church that this man left, He wouldn’t be welcome, yet those rules (which are based on ungodly, self-righteous, religious garbage) have given him reason to hang on to the past and to walk away from a woman who makes him happier and more balanced than he’s been in a long time, maybe ever.

There are few things that I hate in the world, but religion is one of them. I love God, and I’m so thankful for the aggressive grace that Jesus pours out on me. I just wish that this man could truly experience and understand that grace too.

He knows and loves God, but he is so wrapped up in religion that I don’t know what to think. Did he lie to me about his feelings? Was he just humoring me because he didn’t want to hurt me?

It has been weeks since he ended our quasi-relationship. He still calls, and I still see him at my church (a place that I hope he continues to go so that he can truly collide with the love of Jesus someday.)

His kids miss me like crazy, but not as much as I miss them. He seems to be fine without me though – just not as happy or at ease or loving. It makes me wonder if he ever had feelings for me.

I’ve asked a few times since that night if I’m crazy…if I misread his feelings, and he says that I absolutely did not misunderstand. He says he felt everything that I felt and that he can’t be with me for the ridiculous, religious reasons that I can’t mention here.

I know him, and I believe that he’s clinging to religion instead of God because it’s easier than taking responsibility.  It’s also possible that he just doesn’t understand the difference. I do believe that he’s a good man though…who’s just dealing with unresolved issues.

He called me last night, and the things that he said (though not directed at me in any way) made me wonder what happened to the man I met and fell for.  He’s different without me. I ask myself when he reverted back to being religious and judgmental and self-righteous, but the truth is, I know exactly when that happened.

I’m pretty positive that I did not misunderstand his feelings. The man I met was humble, and I believed that he valued me. Now I’m not so sure.

Maybe talking to me was better than talking to than no one. Maybe we spent evening after evening together because he had nothing else to do. Maybe the hours we spent on the phone talking about everything from religion to politics to his work environment was more fun for him than sleeping. Maybe he never cared about me at all.

I don’t exactly believe the last part, but it certainly was easy for him to turn off his feelings. It seems that it was easy for him to forget the peaceful, quiet moments that were captured on his daughter’s camera phone when we weren’t paying attention to anything or anyone except each other. It has also been easy for him to forget how we laughed so hard that our faces hurt  just because we were using chopsticks together or discussing the Council on Foreign Relations.

It has been easy for him to pretend that none of it ever happened, but it’s been impossible for me. I spent the first few weeks drowning in misery, sobbing everyday and hoping that he would get back to normal. After that, I started ignoring his calls. When he asked why, I explained that while I loved it when he called me, I was better off when he didn’t.

I told him that he either needed to stop calling, or we needed to talk with my (our) pastor because I needed to heal. He reluctantly agreed, and when I asked him why, he said that was he was willing to make himself uncomfortable for me if that’s what I needed to know that he cared.

We haven’t had the opportunity to chat with my pastor yet because of our schedules, but it meant a lot to me that he was willing to make himself uncomfortable for me. Talking to your pastor is a big deal when you’re hyper-religious. Thankfully, my pastor is a cool dude who wears jeans when he preaches and loves all of the people that more traditional churches reject. Jesus would be welcome at my church if he showed up in old clothes and worn out sandals.

I’ve been much happier over the last few weeks, realizing that my life would change a lot if he and I were together. I love my life, and I wouldn’t want to change it for someone who wouldn’t be willing to do the same for me.

As I go to sleep and as I wake up, I ask God to eliminate the feelings that I have for this man if I can’t be with him. It’s the only thing I know to do, and I’m counting on Him to fulfill me because He’s God. I’m also counting on Him to heal the man who broke my heart someday regardless of whether I’m around to see it or not.

Love, or Something Like It

It’s almost Valentine’s Day, and while no one will be giving me flowers or chocolates this year, love is on my mind…

There’s a man in my life, and I have feelings for him. I mentioned him for the first time here in September, and I’ve mentioned him once or twice since then. In some ways, he doesn’t fit the mold of the man that I used to envision, but in other ways he exceeds all of the dreams of a significant other that I’ve ever had.

He’s smart, incredibly humble and handsome, and he makes me laugh. He comforts me when I cry and calms me down when I get ticked off. I light up when I see him, and the big, easy smile that always appears on his face when he sees me shows me that he’s happy to see me too.

He is a great father. (Yes, Kenlie is attracted to a man who has kids.) He loves them, and they love him. The relationship he has with his children says a lot about the kind of man he strives to be, and the relationship that I have with his children makes it easy to love them too.

He doesn’t wear a suit to work, but he looks smoking hot when he does wear one. He’s successful. He works hard, but he knows that he’s blessed to have the career that he has.

He has a thankful heart, and he loves Jesus. When I began thinking about what I wanted in a man, it never occurred to me that I’d be attracted to someone who would put GOD first, but now I think it’s one of the sexiest things about him. He thinks about his actions and his words before he acts on them, and he strives to live a life that is GOD-approved. I’m trying to do the same thing, and he helps me grow in that. I help him grow too.

He stands by his beliefs (even sometimes when I think he’s dead wrong,) but he’s also amenable to change. When I make a good point, he embraces it. When he’s wrong, he’s not too prideful to admit that he’s wrong. Few things make my heart happier than watching him as he hangs on my every word before he concedes that I’m right or challenges me to think it through in a different way.

We’re good for each other. No, we’re great for each other. Whether we’re hanging out with friends into the wee hours of the night or relaxing on the sofa with his kids, or reading The Bible, we’re happy when we’re together, and people notice.

Our friends often joke about it, noting that when we’re together, we act like no one else is there. (They exaggerate, but point taken.) It is safe to assume that if we’re in the same room, we won’t be too far apart (with exception of Sunday mornings when I’m busy on stage or chatting and hugging everyone who walks through the doors of our church while he catches up with friends that he doesn’t see everyday.)

His life is so different than mine in some ways, but at the same time, he understands me. I don’t have to work hard to explain my feelings to him. They just flow naturally, and he communicates his thoughts and feelings very well most of the time too.

He knows all of my bad stuff – my darkest regrets, the lies I’ve told, the mistakes I’ve made that hurt people, the pain that I endured, my fears, and he doesn’t judge me. He just empathizes and allows me to be exactly who I am (scars, faults and all.)

He’s ten years older than I am, and he just moved into a beautiful new home in the suburbs that he had custom built, while I live in a historical high-rise downtown. He likes fishing and hunting and outdoor things, and I like shopping and traveling to new and interesting places. That said, when I step into his world, I realize that I love it, and the same happens when he steps into my little world. I’d probably even like fishing as long he handled the bait and the fish (since I’d inevitably catch some big ones!) We share a lot of friends, but he seems comfortable with everyone in my life regardless of how long he’s known them.

It’s hard to explain the connection that I feel for him because he’s not my boyfriend, yet he’s so much more than just some guy that I have a crush on. Sure, I think he’s amazing. He’s breathtaking. He makes me giddy, but it’s deeper than that. There’s something awesome and undefinable about our coexistence, but I don’t try to categorize it. I just enjoy it.

He matters to me. Our paths have crossed for a reason, though neither of us can fully explain why yet. I like to make him happy, and I want to take care of him (even though he is a full grown man who doesn’t need my protection.) I like feeling like he needs me from time to time, and I like knowing that I can depend on him to be there when I need or want him to be.

He is so special to me. I’m pretty full of joy regardless of others, but he makes my heart happy. He is the kind of man I want in my life forever – the kind of man that I’d change everything for if I had the opportunity. I cannot begin to understand why GOD has placed him in my life if he’s not meant for me, but I’m patiently waiting for Him to show me.

Lately a few friends have suggested that I express what I want in a relationship, and if I could sum it up, I’d say that I want something just like this (only adding that I want to kiss him whenever I want to.) I want the kind of relationship that I’ve just described, and I want it forever.

I want to love someone who loves me, and I want to show that man how much he is loved and desired. I want intimacy and a promise that he’ll always be there. If I can’t have that, then I’ll just continue to live life as a single person who’s thankful for everything that I do have.