Though I hadn’t planned on it, my trip to Los Angeles forced me to think about what I want out of my life. For months, my heart was in New York, but being back recently I’ve realized that most things I loved about the city are different now. I am different now.
New York has a tendency to take its toll on people. Living there is an incredible experience, but it can be a grind too. And in my experience, it’s a place to make tons of friends on the surface, but building friendships on a deeper level was hard for me. It was nearly impossible for me, in fact.
It was, sadly, too easy for me to play the game – often times pretending to be someone I was not in an attempt to seek approval from the people around me. And as embarrassing as it is to admit that, I have to because it’s not who I want to be.
I have a couple of friends in the area that I believe will always be there for me, but for the most part, it’s not easy for someone like me to make friends in a city that is consumed by social status and body image. It was tough to be honest with the people around me and with myself.
The weather was dreadful in New York last week before I flew to Baltimore. Cold and rainy downpours made me wonder yet again…Do I really want to start over in this place? The answer, surprisingly, is no.
Of course, I experienced some incredible things in NYC too. Last week, while running from 57th St to Central Park South, I ran into one of my favorite singers of all time – Tony Bennett! He smiled at me – completely acknowledging my existence and my efforts as I ran toward the park. That’s definitely something that doesn’t happen everywhere!
Taking a break to photograph myself in Central Park.
I enjoyed my time in New York City. And I’m fortunate to have a few great friends there and memories that I’ll keep for a lifetime, but the city is cold and hard and far from the people I love. And at this point, I think I need to be surrounded by supportive and encouraging people in a place that has sunny days, fresh produce and good Thai food. =) And it doesn’t hurt that you can rent an apartment with twice the space for half the price. Who knew that LA was so much cheaper than NY?!
As I mentioned in a previous post, I found myself riding a bike on the beach in Venice the other day thinking “Why don’t I live here?” Good question…so I’m going to apply to a couple of schools, consider my job options and work on moving toward some big goals which no longer include moving back to New York.
I guess I’ll need to come up with a new tag line for my blog. 😉 Until then, wish me luck with this next step. So many things have fallen into place for me lately. I can’t wait to see what unfolds here…