Tag Archives: Marriage

End of the Year Reflections

I suppose the end of the year always makes me reflective, and this year is no different. Many of my friends are so glad that 2016 is almost over, and there’s something so hopeful about starting  a new year. I’m ready for that too, but 2016 was a great year for me.

At the end of 2015 I started going into an office everyday, and over a year later I had no idea that I could like that so much. I’ve always enjoyed being around people, but getting to work with the people I see everyday has added so much happiness to my life. I feel so much joy when I think about the people whose lives have been touched, and I feel thankful for those who’ve touched mine.

 

I struggled to let go of people who weren’t good for me at the end of 2015 too. Letting go of those people made it possible for me to meet someone who actually loves me.

I technically met Michael for the first time in December of 2015, but I started having feelings for him when we attended a Bible study together at the beginning of the year. That time of intimacy and healing among friends led me to fall in love with that man while allowing God to move in our lives and heal us from past hurts.

In the Spring I had the most terrifying experience of my life when Mom had, not one, but two strokes. I was so afraid of losing her for a while, but God was gracious once again. I knew at that point that I wasn’t turning away from Him, and I told Him that no matter what, I needed Him to continue holding me. God really showed off His strength in my weakness throughout that time, and my faith was renewed over and over as a result.

When the Summer came I got health insurance for the first time in a long while, and I found a new doctor who suggested that I have weight-loss surgery. My process was streamlined because of my experience with Weight Watchers, and on September 28th I went through with the surgery.

The surgery took much more out of me than I realized it would, and the healing process felt a little like hell on earth. I faced feelings of regret, fear and faced an unexpected lack of self-confidence. I was miserable for many weeks, but the weight started coming off. As hard as it was I am so thankful that I went through that process. I’m also thankful for the opportunities I have now to remind others that it will eventually be okay again…better than okay.

Throughout the post-op, healing process I was reminded how loved I am. My mom, Michael and a few friends did everything they could to make me happy and comfortable even when I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was forced to recognize how loved I am for no reason other than people choose to love me. That was a pretty awesome realization.

Now I’m moving into 2017 planning a wedding to a man who makes my life feel like a Hallmark movie. Seriously though…we compliment each other well.  I don’t have dreams of a big, crazy wedding, but I can’t wait to get it done so I can wake up next to him everyday. I spent a big part of the afternoon researching venues and talking with friends who have gone through this process in the area. I think I may have found the perfect place, but I won’t know more until after the holidays (next week maybe.)

There’s so much to be thankful for at the end of each year, but this year has been pretty wonderful overall. It wasn’t all easy, but the positives outweighed the negatives for me.

I don’t think life is patterned in yearly segments, but I am looking forward to seeing what 2017 brings. I hope you are too.

Happy New Year!

 

Three Months and 68 Pounds

I had surgery three months ago yesterday, and I’m down 68 pounds since I started my pre-op, liquids phase. It seems like weight-loss is different for everyone, but I’m happy with my progress so far. 

Right now, I can eat one whole egg with part of a piece of toast, or I can eat about 1/4 of a small bowl of Pho. (That’s the only way I enjoy beef. It just takes too much effort to eat it now.) I can also eat about 2 ounces of chicken or pork in one meal, and one string cheese is enough to keep my full for a few hours.

I drink ISO 100 because I like it more than ISOpure. I also drink peanut butter Quest protein shakes with Fair Life milk. Drinking protein is the easiest way to ensure that I reach my daily protein goals. I can also drink sparkling water again too, which is awesome.

This year was easily the best holiday season I’ve ever had. I spent the week with family, got engaged, rode a train up Pike’s Peak and introduced Michael to my favorite people and one of my favorite places. I couldn’t have asked for more.

 

On Christmas Eve we dined at my sister’s house, and we spent Christmas evening at the home of her in-laws, who moved to Colorado recently. We had delicious food both nights, and even though I served myself tiny portions, I wasn’t able to try everything. There was so much food that I couldn’t even taste a lot of it.

It was hard to sit at the table while everyone else continued eating, but it was one of those rare moments when I didn’t push my plate away. I didn’t continue to either though. I just sat and enjoyed the company while reminding myself that if I ate too much I’d be uncomfortable. I don’t like getting to that point, so I try to avoid it.

I wished I could eat more than I did during those two meals, but when I got home and stepped on the scale I remembered that it’s worth it. I wasn’t able to try everything prepared for each of those meals, but by eating such limited portions I was able to lose several pounds over Christmas. That’s pretty cool.

We did some walking while I was there too. Michael proposed to me on a short hike with my mom, sister and brother-in-law, and we went for walks around the neighborhood with my sister because the weather was so awesome. It was cold and blistery outside, but I love that. 

There’s something about being in Colorado that makes me want to be more active. Maybe it’s the 315 days of sunshine that they see every year. Maybe it’s the crisp, clean air. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve dropped a fairly significant amount of weight since the last time I was there. (I know that was a factor.) Regardless of the reasons, I felt lighter on my feet and more active than I have in the last few years, and it was great. I’ll be there again in the Spring, and I wonder if I’ll feel even lighter and more active than I did on this trip.

These adjustments to life after weight-loss surgery haven’t been easy for me, but I’m happy to see and feel the changes in my body. It feels like I’m making some big, positive strides, which definitely makes it all worth it to enjoy a longer healthier life with my family and friends and my future husband.

 

 

If you’re reading this I hope you had a happy holiday season, and I wish you the best in 2017.

 

He Asked Me To Marry Him Today

It was nearly eight years ago when I started sharing the details of my life here, and throughout that time I’ve grown and changed so much that it would be hard to explain to a stranger. Let’s just say that it has been an incredible journey filled with ups and downs.

This year wasn’t easy, but overall, it has been one of, if not the best, in my life, and it got even better today. Michael asked me to marry him, and I said yes. 

I’ve prayed/wished/hoped/dreamed of being loved by a tall, strong, handsome, smart, Jesus-loving man who understands me and accepts me for as long as I can remember, and at the beginning of the year I found him.

We have been through some major life events together over the last year, and today added a pretty big milestone to that list.

I didn’t think this week with my family could get any better than it already was, but Michael proved me wrong. This was already the best Christmas season ever, and now it’s even better than that. I can’t believe I’m going to be Mrs. Michael. 😉

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays…

 

This Is My Life, Not Yours…

Last weekend I was told that my biological clock was ticking.  I even received links (that I didn’t bother reading) about the risks involved in having a child after 35.  No…it was not my family hounding me about having a baby, but I felt personally attacked by someone who would tell you he loves me.

First, let’s take a breather and remember that I’m only 32 years old.  I’m not too old to have a kid, start a new career or to wear bright blue nail polish, even if some people in my life see fit to make me believe otherwise.  I’m in my early thirties.  I live alone, and I take care of myself, and I’m proud of myself for making major changes in my life.  I’ve experienced tremendous emotional growth, and I’m still changing.  I went back to school last year to pursue a degree in a field that has opened up an entirely new world to me, and I have recommitted to finishing what I started in weight-loss.

I’m 32 years old.  I don’t have a husband, nor am I in a healthy, happy relationship that would make me consider bringing a little human into the world at this point.  I’m not sure why it’s so important to married and unmarried people with kids to project those desires on me.  I’m a terrific aunt, and I love my niece as much as I could ever love a person.  Of course I’d like to experience that kind of love with a child of my own, but I’m not ready.  I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready, and that’s okay with me right now.

Having a child has never been a serious consideration for me because I’ve never been married, and for most of my adult life, I have been obese.  I realize that women my size often give birth, but I personally don’t see a reason to put myself and a tiny, helpless life at risk because of my size.  I feel more comfortable at this weight than I did at 400 pounds, but a child wouldn’t be on my agenda at this point, even if I had already fallen in love and married The Future Mrs. Kenz whom I’ve discussed here before.

It’s not easy to express how hurtful it was to hear that I have a couple of good years left before I should turn to adoption, or simply not bother.  (Adoption sounds like a wonderful idea, by the way.)  I know that the person who shared the statistics wasn’t being cruel intentionally, but he failed to see why his assertion that the only way to do it is to do so by 35, hit a nerve with me.

I would love to fall in love, get married, move back to the city I want to live in most, buy a place and live happily ever after – all in the next 2.25 years, but who knows if that’s in the cards for me?  What I do know is that shoving statistics down my throat from doctors who have never met me or examined me, and reminding me that 35 is the cut off before I’m “high risk” definitely won’t make anything happen any faster.  If anything, it will just squelch my desire to make any of it happen because I’m already “too late.”

Whether we are sharing our lives on the internet, or we are simply opening up to people that we deem trustworthy, we subject ourselves to thoughtless judgment.  If you know me, you know I’m no stranger to that realization, but I have also learned throughout my journey that sometimes showing love and respect to someone is more important than being right.  Sometimes taking feelings into consideration is more important than winning a debate, especially since changing someone’s mind is a difficult thing to do.

So if you think I’m too old to have a family, get a new job or paint my fingernails bright blue, then get ready for some major disappointment.  I’ve created goals and achieved success in my life before, but I’ve done it on my terms and in my own time.  This is my life, and I will live it in a way that brings joy and happiness to me and the people I’m lucky enough to love.

Until then…I’ll continue to wear blue nail polish if I want to.

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