Tag Archives: Reflection

One Year Later…

It has been just over a year since I walked into NOLA Church for the first time, and I cannot believe how different my life and point of view are now.

I have friends who love me without judgment, and I’ve built relationships with people who know everything about me – my deepest regrets and fears and joys – and love me in spite of those imperfections.

My church isn’t perfect.  It is filled with flawed people who are searching for acceptance, seeking to have their questions answered.  We have issues, but I like that.  Jesus spent time with people who needed Him, and we need Him.  I need Him.

I’ve discovered God’s immeasurable grace and unconditional forgiveness, and I have a relationship with Him that I didn’t realize that someone like me – so flawed and imperfect and horrible – could ever have.

My life is different.  I’m different.

I remember writing a post about my feelings on church, the reasons that I was skeptical about going and the reasons that it just wasn’t for me.  I remember wishing that I could have faith in someone that I couldn’t see, and I remember being terrified of being hurt by the church again.

I needed peace and assurance that everything would be okay, but I didn’t find that. Instead I faced gossip, judgment and condescension.  The meanest, most judgmental people I knew were from the church, and I decided that if that’s what church was about, I didn’t want any part of it.

You can read the whole post here.

Now I love Jesus.  Sometimes people find my love for Him obnoxious, but I’m so thankful that I can’t imagine not talking about it.  It defines so much of who I am now, and I don’t want that to change.

Last week I wrote a post that some of you didn’t like.  Someone called me preachy, and another person called me an idiot.  Someone else called me naive.

I get it.  Some people think I’m ridiculous or full of crap for talking about Jesus here.  I understand that you don’t all love Him or believe in Him or have faith in Him, but it’s who I am now.  I still have a lot of other loves and interests, but He’s part of me now.  I’m happier and more at peace than I’ve ever been so it’s not likely to change anytime soon.

I didn’t write about forgiveness recently because I was trying to preach to anyone; I wrote it because I’ve been working through my feelings on forgiveness lately.  As I look back at my past, I’m forced to think about things that I’ve tried to forget for years.

In my late teens and early 20’s, I was an insecure, suicidal, dishonest person who desperately wanted to feel loved and accepted.  I didn’t think it was possible that I could forgive those who hurt me, and I didn’t care who I hurt because I was in so much pain.  I lived crippled by that pain for years, and now I’m free from it.

It’s by God’s grace that I’m not dead.  It’s because of His love that I get to live in freedom now.  I’m loved.  I’m forgiven.  I’m His.  End of story. Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s just the beginning…

 

One Week Later

After sharing my feelings and struggles last week, I’ve experienced some pretty incredible days.  I’ve exercised consistently, and I’ve made better food choices.  There’s still a lot of room for improvement, but I’m making an effort to do things differently.

I’m doing cardio every other day and exceeding 10.000 steps per day, and this sense of renewal has benefitted my life in other areas as well.

There’s so much that I don’t feel comfortable sharing on my blog right now, but I’m thankful for the things that are happening in my life right now.  The last several months of my life have been filled with healing, peace, contentment and love, and my heart is happy.

I don’t like weighing as much as I do, but I’m so thankful for everything else and thankful that I still have the power to change that.

What About When Life is Good?

Things have changed a lot in my life since I started my blog, and lately I haven’t said as much here as I used to.  I have mixed feelings about that because I miss my blog friends when I’m not sharing my life here, and it feels weird not to journal about what’s happening in my life.  There are some obvious reasons for changing the way that I communicate here, and I’d like to look into them to figure out where I plan to go from here.

My blog is special to me.  It was the first place that I ever allowed myself to truly be myself.  I poured out my emotions and struggles here before I could be honest about them with anyone else.  When I hated myself, I said it here, and people reminded me that there were plenty of reasons to replace that hatred with love.  This blog (more accurately, the people who read it and respond to it) were home to me.

I love to write.  I love to share my feelings on various topics because so many things interest me.  I love to ask for opinions and receive answers.  I like knowing that someone is always there – waiting to be encouraging, or to remind me that I’m not alone in this.  That was always more important to me than writing about how many pounds I lost that week.

When I started this blog I didn’t like myself very much.  (That’s putting it mildly.)  I started doing good things for myself, and people started paying attention.  The folks who took time to support me made me feel important.  They gave me the attention that I desperately needed, but more importantly, they gave me hope.

Throughout the years I have met people who have lost 50 pounds, 100 pounds and even a few who have lost over 200 pounds.  I’ve met people who didn’t struggle with weight even though they connected with me on other levels.  I’ve met people who know what it’s like to be the heaviest person in every room (even at at Weight Watchers meeting.)  I’ve met people who understand the confidence that I feel every time I take a sweaty picture of myself.

I have gained so much from this blog, and I don’t want it to end.  I just don’t know exactly how to proceed because it’s not about being skinny anymore.  I still want to figure out how to lose weight, but I don’t feel as defined by my size as I once did.  That’s good and bad, I suppose.  I want to talk about other things here, but it seems like my life is much less interesting when I’m happy.

Does anyone really want to hear about how fulfilled I am right now?  Is it interesting or inspiring to hear that I haven’t reached my goal yet and that I feel happy from day to day in spite of that?  Does it matter to anyone that I feel good about how I look some days even though I still weigh nearly 300 pounds?

I have a myriad of interests outside of fitness even though I feel awesome after a heart-pounding, sweaty workout.  I still like food too even though I tell myself no sometimes (you know, just enough to not gain the 100 pounds back.)  Lately I’ve been inspired to try different clothing styles, and I’ve spent a lot of time offline – spending time with people that I can hug, who will drink coffee with me and help me decorate my Christmas tree.  (Note to said friends:  We’re doing that next week, mmmkay?)

I love my little corner of the internet, and I’m sorry for disappointing some of you by not reaching my weight-loss goal yet.  I’ve never given up, and I don’t plan to now.  I’m just content in the fact that everything else is going okay.  My life isn’t perfect, but I’m enjoying my family, my church, my friends and my school.

I don’t need my blog the way I did when I started it because now I’m honest with myself and the people around me.  I tell the truth.  I lay my heart out even though sometimes that means getting hurt.  There’s still so much in the blog world that I wouldn’t know if I stopped participating in awesome online communities.  I don’t want to stop blogging.  I just want it to be okay that I feel like blogging about all of the happy things too.  I used to do both so why can’t I do both now?

Do you ever feel like you’re more inclined to blog when things are rough?  Is this distance (lack of interest) something that I’ve created in my mind simply because I feel like people only want to hear about the dramatic stuff?  Are people just tired of me because they feel that I’ve failed them?

I don’t know the answers.  I know that I can choose to write here or choose not to write here.  I just don’t know how to reconnect with my blog, even though it used to feel like my closest friend.

Has anyone else ever experienced anything similar in blogging?

 

Kenlie’s Self-Imposed Dating Ban

Dating is hard when you’re overweight.  Actually, I suppose it’s tough to meet the right person regardless of size, but I’ve decided that I need to make some changes in regards to how I look at it so I’m starting now.  I’m going date-free for at least 30 days.

I rarely talk about dates here (because I have learned from experience that it’s just better that way,) but I date relatively often.  In the last six weeks or so, I’ve been on dates with three different guys.

Date #1: Our dates weren’t bad.  I think he’s a great guy, but he doesn’t live here (or anywhere I plan on living.)

Date #2: I had a good time withhim.  He was a total gentleman, but after ONE date he told me that he loved me.  He said he needed to know if we weren’t exclusive, and I got freaked out.  Is it just me, or does anyone else think that you have to know a person for more than a few days before you decide you love them?

Date #3:  The guy, whom I met online, seemed awesome when we spoke on the phone, but he was a complete mess in person.  Though he was well-spoken, he said that his only goal was “to out live his parents because they don’t deserve to bury their son.”  I agree, and I hope he gets a grip on himself and his issues whatever they are.

While we were on our “date” which entailed coffee at the bookstore (can that even be considereda date?) I stepped away to go to the ladies’ room, and when I came back he made an excuse (which was obviously a lie) to leave.  I was cool with him leaving because I wasn’t attracted to him, but before he left he kissed me...on the mouth...in the middle of Barnes and Noble, and said he’d call me later. It was easily the most awkward kiss of my life.  (I still feel gross when I think about it.)

He called this morning, and this is how our call went:

Date #3: I’m sorry I lied about having a friend in crisis.  I’m really getting back together with an ex.

Me: Well, first…I don’t believe you.  Secondly, it’s irrelevant to me because I am not interested in you either.

Me: PS It was so awkward and wrong of you to kiss me like that in the middle of a public place.  Now please lose my number.  Bye.

Date #3: Bye.

After the call ended, a few texts were exchanged, and I started to think about how lucky I am.  Sure, it was a blow to my ego that a guy blew me off, but I wouldn’t have dated him so there was really no harm done.

Since it was early when he called I went back to sleep, wanting a restart for my morning, and when I woke up I immediately read the Verse of the Day (mark 12:30) on the Bible app on my phone.  It said,

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”

Seriously?  This was the verse of the day, and immediately I began thinking of everything for which I have to be thankful.   I also started thinking that I need to prioritize.  I am loved by my family, my friends and God.  He absolutely knows that I’d love to meet a guy who means the world to me, but I know that God’s timing is typically different than mine.

I have a big heart with lots of room for love in it, but I don’t know when or if I’ll fall in love with someone in a forever kind of way.  I don’t obsess about it, but I think about it more than I should so I’m going to make a big effort to change that.

Over the next month (at least) I am going to make a conscious effort to replace my desire to be with an amazing man with thankfulness. I’m also going to pray and ask God to make my heart feel complete and to wrap me up in the love that HE has for me.

I don’t usually get spiritual here (or anywhere really,) but I’ve changed a lot lately.  I look around and think about where I was one year ago, and I’m overwhelmed by all of the love, grace and blessings that I’ve received even when I didn’t deserve any of it.

Last year at this time I desperately wanted my own home, my own space…I wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere, and I wanted to feel independent – something that I lacked for far too long.  I wanted to control my environment and the DVR, and I wanted to have friends who knew all of my faults and still liked me.  I wanted to continue going to school.  I wanted a fresh start, and I got it…all of it.  I have said thank you so many times, but I’m still blown away when I think about all of the reasons I have to be happy.

Dating can be fun and exhausting, and while I enjoy going to fancy dinners or just talking over coffee or sushi, I am convinced that God has bigger things planned for me at the moment.

He has shown me so much recently, and maybe if I spend my quiet time seeking Him instead of day dreaming about the unknown, I’ll find total peace and fulfillment even if I’m forced to eat dinner and drink coffee with my amazing friends. 😉

I don’t know if 30 days is enough to change my mindset, but it’s a start which will have to be enough for today….

Let’s Talk About Church, Or Things You Didn’t Think You’d Hear Kenlie Say…

There are days in which I feel like discussing things here that are totally unrelated to weight-loss, and today is one of those days.  I tend to work through feelings as I post them here so today I feel like sharing something personal that I don’t normally discuss.

If you’ve been here long, you may know that my dad was a preacher when I was growing up.  I grew up going to church on Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday night and usually at least one additional night for some kind of Bible study or youth group.  I spent a lot of time in church, and I saw a lot of things that I didn’t like.

As a teenager I still attended church at every turn, but when I was 17 or so, I decided that I didn’t want to.  I did anyway because I had to, but I found myself increasingly fed up with the hypocrisy and politics of church.

My late teens were the worst years of my life for reasons that I may never be comfortable sharing here.  I was dealing with my parents’ recent divorce among other horrible things, and I vividly remember driving around town, trying to figure out how I could end my life without it hurting too much.  I remember being unable to imagine what it would be like to celebrate my 30th birthday. (It was awesome, by the way.)

I remember walking into a Bible study one evening and hearing my friends/fellow church-goers gossiping about my problems. I remember being disappointed and beyond mortified. Life was hard, and I was keenly aware that the church was the last place I could go for support.

I needed peace and assurance that everything would be okay, but I didn’t find that. Instead I faced gossip, judgment and condescension.  The meanest, most judgmental people I knew were from the church, and I decided that if that’s what church was about, I didn’t want any part of it.

Over the last decade I have continued to distance myself from the church.  I go when I visit Dad, or when it’s important to someone in my family.   I’ve gone on occasion over the years, but I haven’t been a member of any church or organization since my late teens.  For years I felt so much anger toward the church that I couldn’t have a conversation about it or about God without becoming a condescending jerk.

Almost a year ago I met someone who had been through similar experiences growing up.  He’s a big part of a church here, and the day I met him (through Shannon) I made it clear that I did not like church and that I likely wouldn’t go.  He made it a point to know that he wasn’t pressuring me to.  We were both really upfront about it, but I worried that he might judge me or dislike me because I didn’t go.

After a few months of assuming that we’d never be close because I was a cursing, non-church-goer, I began to realize that he was my friend.  Over time I stopped waiting to see him roll his eyes or judge me because he never did it, and he continued to disprove everything I thought about people who go to church.

When he started dating someone new recently I started spending even more time with him because I really like her too.  I connected with her immediately, and when she mentioned that I should come to church, I said “okay.”  I’ve told Jeff and Shannon more than once that I was strongly considering showing up on a Sunday morning, but two weeks ago I did it.

Visiting this church had been on my mind for quite a while, but it took several months for me to convince myself to go.  In my mind I knew what church was all about, and everyone always says that their church is different.  Jeff said that too.  He said that I would walk in and not feel condemned or judged, and though I wanted to believe him, I didn’t.

I’m not sure what changed two weeks ago, but I decided to show up.  I got there a few minutes before the service started, and I was a little nervous.  I think I was bracing myself for the realization that this church was just like the rest of them, but that realization never came.  Instead, I found myself nervously embracing what was happening in me and around me, and by the time the service ended, I knew I wanted to go back.

It’s hard to make sense of my feelings surrounding this church, but I can sum it up by saying that I didn’t leave feeling “preached at.”  I know that sounds ridiculous when speaking about church, but I felt like the pastor taught from the Bible rather than shoving it down my throat.

I went back last Sunday, and again, I felt a little nervous.  Somewhere inside my head I wondered if the prior week had been a fluke, but I felt just as welcome, comfortable and fulfilled as I did the week before.  It’s been a long, long time since I’ve had a church home.  Actually, I’m not sure I’ve ever had a church home, but I’m open to the possibility that this church could become that for me…and soon.

It’s hard to release the doubt, fear and anger that I’ve held on to for so long, but for the first time since my uncle prayed for me, I felt that God was there.  I felt safe, and I did not feel judged.  Maybe it’s because so many people there have been through similar experiences, or maybe it’s because there are genuine, God-loving people in the world.  Maybe I am just ready to embrace it.

I’m not sure what the future holds for me, but I’m feeling cautiously optimistic about my place there.  When I’m part of that service, it feels like I’m where I’m supposed to be.  It feels like a place in which I can continue to  heal and grow, and for now, that’s more than enough.

Do you attend church regularly?  What made you decide to attend or not attend?

 

 

Common Sense and Resentment

Last week I was talking with a friend about the quiet struggles I have faced as someone who needs to lose an incredible amount of weight.  It seems as though many of us reach that first giant milestone before allowing ourselves to hover around the same weight.  I’m not the only one in the world who has done this, and I’d like to delve into some of the reasons I’ve allowed myself to do it for so long.

I feel like I’m coming out of a tough place in which I have spent far too long being stagnant.  I’m a month into my new Weight Watchers meeting now, and the weight is coming off slowly again.  The most important part of the prior sentence is that it is coming off again, but some days, some weeks, I want food more than I want to see healthy results.  I experienced that earlier this week, and the only solution is to admit it and move on.

Anyone who has ever been overweight or been close to someone who has been overweight probably knows that emotions play a big role in the way that we consume food.  I don’t sit around and eat and eat and eat everyday.  I wouldn’t have kept off the majority of what I’ve lost if that were the case.  I’m not eating 2,000 calories a day more than I should, but I am eating a few hundred more than I should if I want to lose weight.  Period.

It’s easy to tell someone how to change it.  “Eat less. Move more.”  Those words make sense, of course, but we all know the obvious stuff already.  The note that I need on my cabinet would say something like, “The food will taste good for a few minutes, but think of how incredible you feel when you’re really in control.”

It’s so easy to forget that weight-loss is a mental challenge more than a physical one. I push myself hard at the gym, and these days Ron pushes me harder.

903972_454825064594809_389393050_o

It’s an incredible feeling to accomplish things that seemed impossible before I did it.  Earlier this week, he walked in while I was working out on my own and asked me to jump.  He asked me to do a few more things, and before I knew it I was doing jumping jacks.  I’ve been modifying them for years, and now I can do them just like everyone else.  I felt so incredible, so normal, that I cried.

It’s hard to feel like I’ve come so far and still struggle so much with just eating a bit less on a regular basis.  I eat fruits and vegetables and lean protein, but I find myself struggling with my desire to eat extra, unhealthy things most evenings.

I fight feelings of resentment because friends who exercise can throw back a few beverages and an unhealthy meal and just work it off at the gym.  I also fight feelings of resentment when I think about how I’ve lost more weight than many people ever dream of losing, and it’s just the tip of the iceberg for me.  I get tired of hearing what I should be doing from people who haven’t accomplished as much as I have, and I get frustrated by those who assume that I sit around and eat Cheetos all day.  If I did that, I would have gained the weight that I lost back, plus some!

The last couple of months have opened my eyes to the fact that these feelings of resentment don’t solve the problem.  They don’t make me feel better about myself, and they don’t bring my closer to my goals.

I know that I have to accept that this is my life, my struggle and my journey.  I know that the opinions of others shouldn’t matter to me, and they don’t carry much weight as they used to.  Instead, I am focusing on the fact that I am making progress again.  It could be faster, but it’s better than being complacent.

Yesterday would have been weigh-in day, but for reasons that were out of my control, I didn’t weigh in today.  My plan is to go to a Weight Watchers meeting Monday since I’ll miss next Thursday, and I feel confident that I’ll see a loss.  I’m looking forward to heading out of town, but I plan to stay on track this week and while I’m gone as well.

This journey is not easy for me, but I am still working my way into a healthier place.  I’m going to try hard to make this a healthy week, and I’m going to do my best to squelch any negativity or feelings of complacency that try to creep into my mind.   My goal is to be consistent in making smart choices.

Do you ever struggle with resentment as you work to better yourself?

 

 

Let’s Talk About How Much I Weigh Today…

The last few weeks have been more stressful than usual, but I’ve managed to make (mostly) healthy choices in spite of that.   Last month, after stepping on the scale, I had to face the realization that my weight was moving in the wrong direction, and I finally starting taking steps to change it. I haven’t been specific about numbers in recent months because I’m already exhausted by the hateful comments that often find their way into my spam folder, but I’m ready to talk about them now.

20130319_025220

In my attempt to find a new Weight Watchers meeting – one in which I feel like I can understand and connect with the leader and members, I learned that I am about 30 pounds heavier than I was at my lowest recorded weight.  That sucks, but I’d rather start over after gaining 30 pounds than 130 pounds.  Believe me, it would be easy to regain everything I lost, and I simply will. not. let. it. happen.

It has been almost one month since I decided to work toward 90 Days of Change.  I’ve dropped several pounds, and it feels good to know that I’m headed in the right direction.  Over the last month I have worked out with a personal trainer, tried Jazzercise with my friend Karyn, focused on eating foods that are high in protein, controlled my portions, limited processed carbs and pushed myself harder and more consistently at the gym.

481378_10201041597548758_1619417637_n

I’ve also eliminated alcohol with exception of two vodka tonics that I had when I was out on Bourbon St. with Michelle (aka The Running Jewess) and friends during her recent visit to the Crescent City.  Do you know how hard it is to refrain from drinking when you’re participating in the debauchery that is the French Quarter?  I even chose salad at 2 am over fried food when the universe (and Michelle) convinced me to do so.  (Hold on a sec, while I pause to pat myself on the back. 😉 Ha!)

295642_10201056527922008_1075774881_n

 

I have noticed that I have more energy throughout the day, and I’m sleeping more soundly at night.  I rarely have trouble sleeping, but my bed feels positively amazing after a day of healthy eating, hydration and an intense workout.

Passing on burgers and fries or onion rings is hard, but making healthy choices throughout the day adds up to positive results that remind my why I started this journey in the first place.

When I started this blog, I did it to keep myself accountable, and that was the *only* reason. I didn’t care who saw it (even though, in reality, I knew that very few people saw it.)  Let’s be honest, my size doesn’t affect anyone here except me (and those who love me and want me to live for a long time.)  When I began publicly posting my weight and workouts, I did that for myself too.

317.6

So there it is in black and white…My reality in numbers.  I’d love to say that I’m not embarrassed to post this, but I am.  It’s hard to admit that I had gone so far, only to realize that I didn’t have it all figured out, but I’ve never cared about being a know-it-all (well, in this forum.)  I care about my choices, and for me, publicly posting my weight is the right one.  In addition to this post, I plan to update my weight-loss log regularly, in an attempt to push myself in the right direction.  I probably won’t say much about it in my posts because it’s really just for me.

I want to lose weight more than I want to eat cupcakes.  I want to be fit more than I want to drink French martinis.  I want to live a long, healthy and fulfilled life more than I want to eat Chinese take-out or fried chicken.  I want to succeed, and I hope that my desires will drive me to break the barriers that I’ve created for myself.

If you’re reading this, it’s time to show you something new, and even more importantly, it’s time to prove to myself that I can finish what I started.

Counting My Blessings

The last several days have been a bit emotional for me, and I’m finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Even when things come up that stress me out, I realize that I have many reasons to be thankful, and sometimes reflecting on those things makes everything else feel better.

I’m blessed with a home that I love.  I’ve waited to feel this content for a long, long time.  It feels good to enjoy my living space, and it’s fun spending time simply enjoying my own company.   Earlier this week I spent all day at home – a rarity for me – knitting, crafting, watching Christmas movies and relaxing.

I am also thankful for the love that my family always gives me.  This year has been filled with growth for me.  I’ve expressed a lot of feelings and emotions, and I’ve received unconditional love in return.  I’m looking forward to spending next week with all of them!  It sounds like we’ll have a white Christmas too which is already making me giddy! 🙂

Going back to school has also been an incredible source of blessings.  I’ve made friends, and I’ve expanded my knowledge base.  When I walked into the school a year ago I knew it was probably a smart move, but I had no idea that it would be so good for me.

I mentioned making friends through school, but I’ve been blessed to make other friends this year too.  I’ve shared my history – the good stuff and the regrets, and I’ve been accepted, loved and not judged.  That’s a pretty powerful blessing!

I’m also thankful that I’ll get to see Lance again in a couple of weeks.  He’s easy to talk to, and I never have to wonder how he feels because he’s not afraid to show it.   Originally, we considered seeing each other while I’m in Colorado next week, but he has decided to come back to New Orleans in January instead.  I’ll have something else to look forward to when I return home, and that’s awesome.

I’m blessed with a strong body that is capable of losing the next 100 pounds when my mind is ready, and I’m so utterly thankful that each day and each decision we make brings another opportunity to get it right.

I’m blessed with a lot of little things that make life sweet too.  I love the view from my windows, and the evening doorman at my building always has a smile on his face.  I’m blessed with food to sustain me and clothes (and beautiful slippers courtesy of Lance) that keep me warm.  My list wouldn’t be complete with mentioning the hobbies that make me happy.  Whether it’s singing a song, knitting a scarf or a bag, making a wreath (okay, many wreaths) or creating a weekly calendar, I find myself easily entertained.  I feel blessed to love many things!

My list could be much longer, but I’m sleepy.  Right now I’m thankful for flannel sheets and my bed.  Reflecting on the blessings in my life is usually a powerful way to remind myself that it’s okay to be happy even when things aren’t perfect.  Whether you comment or not, I urge you to take a few minutes  to think about why you’re blessed.

 

 

 

Holiday Temptations, Or Why I’m Not Waiting Until the New Year…

I know it’s silly to be excited about two stellar days of eating, but I’m really happy about it.  I resisted cravings again yesterday, and the scale has already shown a noticeable drop as a result.  I even resisted snacking on all of the treats my friends and I had while constructing our gingerbread home.

We won’t complete it until tonight so I’ll have another  opportunity to resist temptation today.  Of course, it’s the season of temptation, and I’d like to come out healthier and lighter than I was going into it.

Sunday I posted pictures of everything I ate on Facebook   I realize it’s obnoxious, but it’s not the only pointless thing I see posted on Facebook. 🙂  My goal today is to eat like I did Sunday and yesterday, and my favorite part of it all is the new McCormick seasoning I’ve been using this week.

I seasoned my chicken breast with Cuban seasoning from their gourmet collection  and it is amazing! I bought it on sale a few weeks ago, and I had no idea I’d love it as much as I do.  It transformed my salad of mixed greens, sugar snap peas and English cucumbers.

I’m also having a love affair with hummus again, and I’m looking forward to dipping veggies in it again today.  I like the peas, but I’m also a big fan of raw bell peppers.  I found minis at the supermarket last night, and they’re going to be outstanding.

Sometimes it’s difficult to remember simple facts that make my life easier, but I’m trying!  I know that when I eat healthy things my body feels good.  I also know that when I make wise choices I feel good about myself.

I realize that a few good days can’t erase my careless indulgences, but I also know that those days have come and gone.  I know that with every breath I take comes an opportunity to make a choice that will make me healthier and happier.  I know that it’s my responsibility and that no one else can do it for me.

I know I’ve wasted time, and I know that the holidays are tough.  I also know that there’s no better time than now to make mindful changes.

It’s obviously a struggle, but I’m more honest and aware of what I want now than I have been in years.  As I said in a post recently I’ve accomplished some things this year that have held me back for a long, long time.  Making solid food choices and exercising are an important part of my personal puzzle, and I like the way it makes me feel so I’m going to do it again today.

What are you doing that makes you feel good today?

 

Negative Comments

When I don’t blog for a day or two I miss it.  I miss discussing things that matter to me with people who understand me, but I don’t miss the horribly negative comments from jerk offs that don’t know me.

I didn’t even blog yesterday, but I received a comment from someone who thinks I’m “despicable for being overweight and having the nerve to think I deserve respect.”  Sure…I recognize that the guy’s opinion of me is not my business or my problem, but it gets old.

Almost every time I check the blog comments there are good ones and a bad one.  I’ve mentioned before that there are  trolls obsessing over why they dislike me on a regular basis so it’s expected.

Those comments don’t affect me even when I accidentally read them, but the realization that so many people think I’m horrible for no reason other than my size pisses me off.

I respect myself, and I’m going to do it regardless of whether or not cowards show up here to hate me.  I realize that I have to take the good with the bad, and I do.  Sometimes I just need to complain about it a little.

Do you get negative comments on your blog?  If so, does it happen often?  How do you handle it?