Tag Archives: Self-acceptance

Plus Size Fitness Instructor? Yep…That’s Me…

Life is filled with ups and downs, and there was a time when I blogged about them in real time. Now I spend less time online and more time thinking through situations, praying about them and venting less.

Right now, life is mostly good for Michael and me, but many people around us are hurting. Nothing good can come from sharing those hurts here, but I’m doing what I can to show support and offer love to those around me whether I know them or not.

One of the major ways I do that is through work. I do membership and marketing stuff, and I spend most of my days visiting with people who are striving to become healthier or hoping to start. I encourage kids with special needs to be creative, and I get a lot of fulfillment from loving others. I may not always do it well, but I definitely do my best.

One facet of my job is to bring in families, individuals and even corporate members. I strive to connect with everyone and to make them feel welcome. Often times it works, but once in a while there’s a perspective member who never makes it in. They’re often women who feel like they’ll be judged if they walk into the gym, and I understand that because I was one of those women for a long, long time.

I speak to plus-size women who have been shamed, as well as women who fear being shamed. I always ask them to take a chance on me. “Come in and visit with me face-to-face. You’ll feel so much better when you do.”

There’s nothing more satisfying to hear from a member than what I heard from one of my favorites recently.” She said, “Thank you for helping me see that life is worth living.” I can’t tell you how emotional I am just writing this now…knowing that somewhere in New Orleans a lady who didn’t always know her worth knows it now. (Thank you, God, for using me in that situation!)

Helping people see that who they are is okay has been my mission since I learned that who I am is okay, and I’m ready to take that to the next level now.

I recently completed group fitness certification, and I’m gearing up to teach a class that I’ve created with help from my guy.

I’m doing a demo class next week, and I hope to officially launch in mid-April. (That’ll depend on the rate of choreography and memorization that I out it, but I think it’s a realistic goal.)

My class, which will be formatted specifically for plus-size people (even though everyone is welcome) will allow me to uplift and encourage people like me who need it, and I can’t wait to start.

I’ve spent some serious time putting this together, and now I’m working through the routines – making sure I know them inside out, nailing transitions and working on cues. I haven’t spent so many hours sweating and smiling since I exercised with Richard Simmons and friends in L.A.

Richard is completely off the radar now, and I hope and pray that he doing well.

He helped me change the way I looked at myself, and he helped me understand that I could embrace fitness. It hasn’t been an easy journey for me, but I’m still here trying.

I know that Richard would encourage me to keep striving to be healthy because he did that throughout the time that I did know him. I can’t think of a better way to honor him that by encouraging someone else the way he encouraged me and countless others, and I wish he still emailed, called or tweeted me so I could tell him thank you again.

I’m pretty positive that I was made to do this, and I love it so much already. I’m excited to take this next step giant leap in my own fitness while helping others do the same. 




Quiet, but Happy

I haven’t had much to say here lately. I’ve been busier than normal, which is a good thing because now I’m ready to relax and enjoy the holidays. I love this time of year!

I’ve been avoiding the scale for weeks now, and I’m happier that way. I know I must be losing pounds or inches or something because my clothes fit much better than they did, but I’m also retaining a lot of fluid this week.

When I spoke to the dietitian at my surgeon’s office a couple of weeks ago she told me to drink considerably more water than I had been drinking since surgery. I went from drinking about a gallon a day to drinking less than a bottle a day post-op. Now I’m drinking one to two bottles a day (at least,) but my goal is 4 bottles (or 64 oz.) I rarely reach that, but I’m starting to reach my protein goals on a daily basis, so I’m still making some progress.

This journey hasn’t been easy. I spent most of last month fighting feelings of anger and regret toward my choice to have surgery, but I’m over that now. I’ve made peace with my decision, and I seriously need to give it some time to work. I’m doing my best most days, which feels like enough right now.

A coupe of weeks ago I decided to focus on other things, and I’ve been much happier since then. I’ve gotten back to my old self, in that, I’m spending time with loved ones again, cooking, baking and enjoying work.

My Christmas tree is up thanks to my Christmas-loving boyfriend, who took time to pick it out and fluff it with me, and I’m almost finished with my holiday shopping.

My exercise restrictions were lifted last week, and my food restrictions are lifted this week. I don’t eat much at all, but I’m starting to get used to it. That’s been the weirdest adjustment so far. In fact, I may discuss that in a different post at some point.

Life is pretty good right now. I’m happy, and I have some big things to look forward to. The future is bright, and I’m thankful.


Looking Back and Moving Forward, Or Happy Birthday To Me

Well, it’s official.  It’s my birthday, and I’d like an iPad, a Bahama Breeze Yankee Candle, a Queen-Size Aerobed and for people to be nicer to each other.  I’m 33 years old today, and when I think about how I felt as I turned 23 years old, I am so utterly thankful to be here…to be living the life I’m living.

When I look back at the last few years of my life, I see a lot of positive changes in myself.  It hasn’t been easy, but I like to think that I’ve come a long, long way.  (And no, I’m not referring to my weight which is still ridiculously in need of change.)  I’m referring to the changes that I’ve made within myself.

It’s easy to feel like a failure when I look at myself in the mirror, but when I think about who I am and where my heart is today, I feel like I’ve already won.  I’m happy.

Being honest about myself and my feelings used to be terribly hard for me, and it’s still a struggle sometimes.  Throughout most of my twenties, I kept secrets and refused to face the things I didn’t like about myself – my weight, my feelings of failure, my regrets.   I lived in fear (of failure, the future, etc,) and I often felt like a victim in my own skin.

I felt unworthy of love.  I believed that I had used up all of the grace that God had set aside for me, and I felt like there was nothing I could do change myself.  (I’m so glad I was wrong about all of that.)

I hurt people who mattered to me.  I lied.  I wasted years of my life because I couldn’t envision myself as a happy and healthy person no matter how hard I tried.  I made excuses.  I judged others even though I knew how horrible it felt to be judged harshly.  I gave up on myself before I ever really tried, and I blamed everyone except me.

Then at some point I started believing that I could change.  I started to embrace sweat, and I began saying no to foods that made me happy for a few minutes before filling me with remorse.  My body began to change.  My self-confidence began to grow, and I started seeing myself as someone that I could maybe be proud of someday.

I formed some good habits that changed the way I saw myself.  I started loving the woman I saw in the mirror, and I started believing that I was special just as I was.

Then my world crumbled, and I found myself feeling sad and stagnant.  My weight-loss tapered off, and while I never made excuses for it, I tried convincing myself that I was fine with it.  I’m not.  I moved across the country, and after many months, I began settling into the life I’m living now in New Orleans.  I moved into a new place, and I am living a comfortable, happy life.  I’ve decided to accept myself as I am even though there are things that I still need to change.

My weight is still out of control, but other facets of my life are headed in the right direction.  I’m happy, and I’m thankful for it.  I know that I still need to finish what I started with weight-loss, and I am convinced that the time is coming in which I’ll be able to prove to myself (and others) that I can do this.

As I grow another year older, I am resolved to continue living my life and loving it.  I’ve been tried and hurt, but I won’t back down.  I’ve been blessed with so much, and I’ll continue learning, exercising, growing and trying harder.

Maybe losing weight would be easier if I still felt miserable and unsettled.  Maybe I’d be closer to my goal now if I still hated myself.  Maybe I’d be skinnier if I lived in fear of food.   Who knows?  I do know that it’s okay to be happy and that my flaws and failures alone don’t define me.  While I’ve tried and failed so many times, I’ve also changed and grown every time.

I no longer mind being on this journey because the things I’ve experienced along the way have made my life worth living.  I’m looking forward to another year of change and growth and happiness.

Thanks for being here with me……




No More Shame, Or Why I Almost Decided Not To Go To Fitbloggin’

If you know me, you probably know that I go through phases in which I travel a lot.  You may also know that Fitbloggin’ has been one of my favorite events to attend over the years.  The first two years I attended were in Baltimore which, for me, was a no-brainer, but I gave it more thought this year for a few reasons.

First, it’s in Portland, OR which has never been on my list of places I’d like to go.  I’ve heard that it’s a beautiful city and that the hotel in which the conference will be held is equally beautiful.  (That’s good to know!)  I’m just an east coast girl so it has never been on my radar.  After doing some research and hearing some amazing stories about it, I’ve extended my trip, and I plan to spend a few days there after the conference.   (I’m obviously excited now.)

Secondly, it’s a much longer flight that requires a connection.  If you know me even a little bit, you know that I despise connecting flights.  When I lived in New York, it was easy to say that I’d fly direct, or I wouldn’t go.  That’s not as easy flying out of New Orleans, and it seemed to be impossible when I was perusing flights online.

The third reason is much bigger though.  I haven’t lost any weight since the last one.  The conference is designed for fitness-minded bloggers (many of whom will weigh less than they did last time I saw them,) and I’m going to be about 10 pounds heavier this year than I was at the last one.  Do you know how ridiculous and shameful I feel when I think about how I’ve spent the last several months moving in the wrong direction?! 

Here’s the thing about Fitbloggin’ though – it’s about growth and progress, self-acceptance and a lot of other positive things.  Maybe folks will notice that I’m a bit larger than I was at the last one, but I can’t imagine imagine missing out on giant the giant hugs, learning experiences, awesome workouts and happy reunions that are imminent because I’m not happy that my clothes fit a bit tighter right now.

Many of the people in attendance, some of whom are dear friends, know how much I’ve struggled to hang on by a thread, and some of them understand it because they’ve lived it.  Some of my best friends came as a result of Fitbloggin’ too, and they’ve never liked or disliked me based on the size of my clothes.

It may not be quite as easy to face old friends and new ones as it would be if I were at least a few sizes smaller, but it would be far more difficult to let the opportunities pass me by because I’m not happy with myself.   I’ve been trying to listen to my body lately, and it seems to be working better than I imagined that it would.  I’m also feeling good about my workouts, and I’m in a happier, much more settled place than I was during the previous years.  I’ve made tremendous amounts of progress within my mind, and my body is still strong as well.

I’m glad that I’ve decided to get over the embarrassment so I can attend Fitbloggin’ because when I go, I always feel as though I’m right where I belong, and I can’t wait to have that feeling again.

Get ready, Portland.  I’ll be there soon.

Have you ever attended Fitbloggin?  Will you be there this year?




Common Sense and Resentment

Last week I was talking with a friend about the quiet struggles I have faced as someone who needs to lose an incredible amount of weight.  It seems as though many of us reach that first giant milestone before allowing ourselves to hover around the same weight.  I’m not the only one in the world who has done this, and I’d like to delve into some of the reasons I’ve allowed myself to do it for so long.

I feel like I’m coming out of a tough place in which I have spent far too long being stagnant.  I’m a month into my new Weight Watchers meeting now, and the weight is coming off slowly again.  The most important part of the prior sentence is that it is coming off again, but some days, some weeks, I want food more than I want to see healthy results.  I experienced that earlier this week, and the only solution is to admit it and move on.

Anyone who has ever been overweight or been close to someone who has been overweight probably knows that emotions play a big role in the way that we consume food.  I don’t sit around and eat and eat and eat everyday.  I wouldn’t have kept off the majority of what I’ve lost if that were the case.  I’m not eating 2,000 calories a day more than I should, but I am eating a few hundred more than I should if I want to lose weight.  Period.

It’s easy to tell someone how to change it.  “Eat less. Move more.”  Those words make sense, of course, but we all know the obvious stuff already.  The note that I need on my cabinet would say something like, “The food will taste good for a few minutes, but think of how incredible you feel when you’re really in control.”

It’s so easy to forget that weight-loss is a mental challenge more than a physical one. I push myself hard at the gym, and these days Ron pushes me harder.


It’s an incredible feeling to accomplish things that seemed impossible before I did it.  Earlier this week, he walked in while I was working out on my own and asked me to jump.  He asked me to do a few more things, and before I knew it I was doing jumping jacks.  I’ve been modifying them for years, and now I can do them just like everyone else.  I felt so incredible, so normal, that I cried.

It’s hard to feel like I’ve come so far and still struggle so much with just eating a bit less on a regular basis.  I eat fruits and vegetables and lean protein, but I find myself struggling with my desire to eat extra, unhealthy things most evenings.

I fight feelings of resentment because friends who exercise can throw back a few beverages and an unhealthy meal and just work it off at the gym.  I also fight feelings of resentment when I think about how I’ve lost more weight than many people ever dream of losing, and it’s just the tip of the iceberg for me.  I get tired of hearing what I should be doing from people who haven’t accomplished as much as I have, and I get frustrated by those who assume that I sit around and eat Cheetos all day.  If I did that, I would have gained the weight that I lost back, plus some!

The last couple of months have opened my eyes to the fact that these feelings of resentment don’t solve the problem.  They don’t make me feel better about myself, and they don’t bring my closer to my goals.

I know that I have to accept that this is my life, my struggle and my journey.  I know that the opinions of others shouldn’t matter to me, and they don’t carry much weight as they used to.  Instead, I am focusing on the fact that I am making progress again.  It could be faster, but it’s better than being complacent.

Yesterday would have been weigh-in day, but for reasons that were out of my control, I didn’t weigh in today.  My plan is to go to a Weight Watchers meeting Monday since I’ll miss next Thursday, and I feel confident that I’ll see a loss.  I’m looking forward to heading out of town, but I plan to stay on track this week and while I’m gone as well.

This journey is not easy for me, but I am still working my way into a healthier place.  I’m going to try hard to make this a healthy week, and I’m going to do my best to squelch any negativity or feelings of complacency that try to creep into my mind.   My goal is to be consistent in making smart choices.

Do you ever struggle with resentment as you work to better yourself?



Sex and Stuff

I have been in a confessional mood lately so I am going to lay it out again today.

I have spent most of the last year trying not to focus on relationships.  I’ve gone on dates, but I haven’t been serious with anyone.

I explored my feelings for one guy pretty openly here, but they didn’t materialize into anything romantic with him.  And I know that I’m still not ready to be with anyone (even though I believe I deserve to be loved now.)  Here’s why…

I feel like the most undesirable girl in the world, and I resent myself for being so overweight that I cannot imagine anyone enjoying intimate moments with me (even when they do.)

My feelings on this are not unmerited. Though I don’t discuss all of my positive experiences, I’ve detailed some of my deeply personal experiences with guys who made me keenly aware of how undesirable I was to them.  And it’s still easier to believe those donkeys than those who would categotically disagree with them.

I am growing and changing and evolving, but I’m still struggling with the realization that who I am today is not enough because of my body.  And frankly, it pisses me off.

I am admitting this today because it’s how my healing process begins, and I am determined not to feel this way forever.

I am loved, but I deserve to be wanted too.

Getting Honest About Some Things

Before I begin I have to warn you that this post might be long and scattered because I have a lot to get off my chest today, and I’m not sure where to start.

I could never put into words how much I appreciate the unwavering support that I receive here.  Many of you have been here since the beginning waiting to see me reach my goal, encouraging me to keep trying.  I love you for that, and I hope you never stop.  But right now I need to start digging out of this rut of complacency that I have been in for a lot longer than I want to admit.

Losing 100 pounds is often enough to dramatically alter the lives of those who lose it, but it’s not enough for me. I have experienced so many positive changes, but this is not a post about that.  Right now I need to figure out how to change my mindset, how to make myself move forward again in a strong, steady and powerful way.

I don’t know how to climb out of this proverbial hole that I’ve been living in.  I’ve been living comfortably with the fact that I’ve lost so much weight for so long now that it feels like I need to start over.  My past accomplishments don’t need to be forgotten, but they’re old news…really old news.  And I want to bask in some new accomplishments.

Before I continue, I’m going to ask that everyone refrain from telling me that I’m more than a number on a scale, or that I need to love myself so others will, or that I won’t be happy when I get to my goal if I can’t be happy with myself now.  I’ve heard all of that, and I understand most of it.  But let’s face some facts today.

When I look at my life I see some things that I like and some things I still want to change, but everything is overshadowed by a giant dark cloud that is the number on the scale.

I used to encourage others by saying that you don’t have to reach your goal before you start feeling good about yourself. You just have to start.  And it’s true.  I know it’s true because when I said it, I was feeling it.   Right now, what I accomplished throughout the first part of this journey is simply not enough.  I’m still obese.

I could make a list of reasons I love and respect myself today, and that list has grown more in the last year than it has at any other point in my life.  I know that I’m a good person, and I have been working through emotions that are difficult to face because I’m trying to become a better person.  There’s a lot of work going on inside my head, and that’s important to recognize (even though most of it is far too personal to discuss in such a public forum.)

But the fact remains that when I look at myself, I see the number on the scale.  We can say it doesn’t define me, but the truth is that it is me.  My body grew to its largest size because of what I did to it, and whether I like to admit it or not, my size currently defines who I am above everything else.

Look, I have a host of other imperfections as well, but my size haunts me.  It’s the truth, my truth, and the things that led me to my extreme obesity (and the snowball effect it has had since) are not easy to face.  It’s hard to admit when you’re wrong, but I’ve been wrong a lot.  I made some pretty incredible mistakes.  I mistreated my body and my loved ones, and in many ways I led a life that could never have been happy and free if I didn’t begin to face those issues.

Before I started losing weight I would always say that I was a “good investment.”  I wanted to believe it was true because surely I’d eventually mature into more than I was – a grossly overweight, unhappy, unmotivated, unsuccessful shell of a human-being who didn’t value herself enough to create any positive change in herself.  (Yeah, the truth hurts, and it’s still not easy to admit now.)  But that’s how I viewed myself.

When guilt set in I told myself that I’d do better tomorrow.  I told myself constantly that the future was filled with hope, yet I failed to give myself any reasons to be hopeful.

Fast-forward to the present: I can’t say that I’m as horribly unhappy or unmotivated now as I was prior to 2009.  As I said, I like a lot of things about my life these days, but there are still some major things I need to change.

I need to change my environment.  I prefer living alone and in a city so I am planning a move into a cute little apartment in downtown New Orleans in the Fall.  Living alone will be good for me.  Controlling what is in the pantry and the refrigerator will be good for me.  I know that, but I also realize that everything I eat now is a choice.  It’s my choice, and it’s up to me to make better decisions.  One thing I’ve noticed spending most of my time downtown is that I’m more likely to go out for food.  It will be easier when I have my own little kitchen, but I will still have to make choices.  Living alone won’t solve everything, but it will be a big leap in the right direction.

I also need to claim what I really want.  I mean, I wish I was fit and trim, but we all know that I have to do a lot more than wish to be at goal.  It looks like I’m going to have to fight a hell of a lot harder than I did when I started my journey, and I have to accept that.  End of story.

I need a routine too.  I’m always on the go, and I don’t spend a lot of time in one place.  Just in the last few months I’ve been in Colorado, Virginia, D.C., New York, Houston, etc.  And over the next couple of months I’ll be in New York again, Baltimore, Los Angeles and Dallas (maybe Oklahoma too.)  Traveling a lot means that I have to have a different game plan.  I lost weight when I traveled before so I know it’s possible, but I have to be mindful.

I’m also lacking accountability.  I left Weight Watchers again recently after another bout of frustration with PointsPlus, and now my meeting no longer exists.  Say what you will, but weighing in at meetings every week changed my life.  I need to find a new meeting and make it my highest priority again.

I’ve gotten lazy with my workouts too.  Sure, I do them occasionally, but I love working out.  I crave endorphins nearly everyday so why the hell am I not doing it?  I don’t have a gym membership anymore, but there’s nothing stopping me from joining another one.  I’ll work that out this week, but until then I will do 30-Day Shred at home at least 5 times over the next 7 days.

I could drone on for hours about why it’s hard and how it’s not fair that I have so much further to go than the average person who loses as much as I’ve lost, but lamenting the work I have to do will not bring me closer to my goal.

I still say no to myself a lot more than I say yes, but I’m not doing enough.  I know that, and I take responsibility for that.

The fact is that my actions don’t help or hurt anyone except me.  I’m surrounded by people who love me and want me to be happy and healthy, but I have to get there on my own.  I’m happier than I was at 400+ pounds, but I’m not as happy as I’ll be at 150 pounds.  And it’s not because I don’t think I don’t deserve to be happy now.  It’s because I know that I am capable of so much more.

I’m preparing a life for myself in which obesity will no longer define me.  I’m in school studying Public Relations. (Yep, I declared recently.)  And I’m dreaming of a day when I can claim what I want for myself in my career and in relationships without the worry that my body is keeping me from fulfilling my desires.

This is my reality, friends.  This is my struggle, and no one can fix it except me.  Last week I admitted that I don’t know how, and sadly, I have not found the answer yet.  The truth is I can’t imagine stepping on the scale and seeing 275 or 250, or 199.  (I could see  the first number in the next month or so, but it feels as far as Mars!)

I don’t know how I did what I did the first time.  I don’t know how to wake up every morning with purpose.  I don’t know how to convince myself that today is the day (not tomorrow.)

I feel an utter lack of confidence and an overwhelming amount of insecurity, but I know what I want today.  I know what I want for my future, and I know that it’s mine for the taking.  I also know that I don’t have to get to my goal before I can start feeling on top of the world again.  I know I just have to start moving toward it.

This is my journey, and I’m doing things on my time.  I just need to turn the clock on again, and I need to remind myself that I’m worthy of it if I’m willing to work for it.



Spilling My Guts On Love: Take Two

On Monday I mentioned how hard it can be to spill my guts when I know that other people are reading my personal thoughts.  I wrote a post and left it up for about twenty minutes before I removed it.  I suppose I needed to face my feelings first, and it was a pretty heavy post to include with Friend Makin’ Mondays anyway.  Now that I’ve had some time to think things through, I think I’m ready to share my feelings.

There’s a guy.  I’ve mentioned that, right?  He’s smart and friendly and gorgeous.  When I’m around him my heart beats fast, and it’s nearly impossible not to grin like a silly school girl.  When we talk my heart swells with happiness, and I can’t exactly explain why.  He’s not the type that I’m generally drawn to, and I know that I’m not the kind of girl he’s usually drawn to.  (You know, because guys aren’t attracted to girls who look like me until they get to know me.)

Don’t get me wrong.  I definitely think I deserve him; I’d make him happy.  I already do, but life slapped me in the face with facts over the weekend that are nearly impossible to ignore.  I thought he knew that I liked him, and I thought (or hoped or whatever) that he might feel the same way.  Now I’m pretty positive that I was wrong about the latter, and that has been a tough realization.

Another hard fact is that I hate the way I look.  I don’t really hate my face anymore; I hate my body, and I tell myself that I can’t expect him to like something about me that I don’t like about me.  But the truth is that I want him to.  I want him to see past my imperfections and just like me now.  I want him to want me before society thinks he should, and I want him to evolve with me.

I want him to run with me even though he’s probably faster.  I dream about riding my bike with him even though he doesn’t even own one.  I want to go on picnics with him, and I want to stand in the front row at a Pearl Jam show with him (even if he only goes because I want him to.)  I want him to meet my niece when she visits in a few weeks because I think she’s the cutest little person ever.  I want him to go on adventures around the world with me, and I want him to call me even when there’s absolutely nothing important to say.

He’s different than most of the guys I’ve dated.  I mean, he’s similar in some ways…He’s driven and accomplished. We want the same things out of life, but he’s not arrogant.  And while he’s working hard to get where he wants to go, he has no interest in forgetting where he came from.  (He wouldn’t even judge me for ending the last sentence with a preposition, though I promise not to make that a habit.)

People say that love finds you when you’re not looking.  They also say that everything happens for a reason, and I’m ready for the universe to shed some light on this.  I’m ready to understand why New York suddenly can’t compare to what I imagine that I could have here right now.

Maybe I’m not ready for a relationship with this guy.  Maybe I have to love myself more than I do.  I get it.  The universe wants me to grow, and I’m trying.  I’m trying!  I’m not saying that I want to jump into something serious with him today; I don’t want that.  I just want to think that the possibility exists. (Okay, okay…Maybe I want a little more than that.)

Believe me…I wasn’t looking for him when we met.  I had already decided that I wouldn’t date anyone else here.  And while it was hard not to stare at him, I reminded myself that what I wanted out of life was somewhere else.  But it’s not quite that simple anymore, and I can’t pretend that it is even if the outcome will be the same.

I’ve made so many mistakes in the past, and I’m determined not to repeat them again.  I have some regrets too, but I don’t want to regret giving up on this guy just because it’s so easy to believe that he could never be interested in me.

Maybe he’s not interested; maybe he never will be.  But so many imperfect people find love, and I want it too.   I wish I could tell him how I feel, but I’m sure he knows.   I’m not exactly known for my subtly.

People have been calling me brave a lot lately, but I’m not brave.  I’m just a girl who wishes that this guy would see this post, hug me and say “Kenlie…You’re silly.  Of course I like you.  Let’s take it slowly and see what happens.”   But I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t read my blog, and tonight that’s probably a good thing because I doubt he’d say anything close to that (even though he totally should.)

I try to remind myself that I’m a good catch in spite of my insecurities and imperfections; I know it’s true even though I fight with myself to believe it.  And  I’d like to be important to this guy regardless of our status. I really couldn’t have dreamed up anyone that embodies more of the characteristics that I desire in one man, and I have excellent taste so if nothing else, he should be seriously flattered by that.

And even though it’s much easier to presume the worst, tonight as I drift to sleep, I’m going to allow myself to dream of the possibilities because sometimes “even crazy dreams come true.”

Friend Makin’ Mondays: What Makes YOU Beautiful?

Last week was incredibly busy for me, and I’m looking forward to being back in class today so I can get back into my routine (at least until I’m gone again next week.)  A few of you asked how I could travel so much while taking classes so I figured I’d answer your questions today.  I am not doing online classes this semester.  I sit in a classroom (in a regular desk which is victory, by the way,) but I only go two days a week.  And last week was Mardi Gras (and in New Orleans that means no classes for the first part of the week) so I didn’t have to miss class to be gone.  The rest of my travels typically take place in the later half of the week though I will miss one class next week when I head back to New York for a while.

Now let’s talk about FMM.  If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Last Summer I met a talented, young girl named Dorian and her mother while shopping for groceries in Los Angeles, and we talked a few times before parting ways.  And last week, she shared a link on my Facebook wall that had a profound effect on me when I finally took the time to watch it.

The 5 minute video that can be seen here, shared a simple message: You are beautiful.  And in the video, people took a moment to write something beautiful about themselves which has inspired me to ask this question…What makes you beautiful?

Take a few minutes to share what makes you beautiful, and don’t be shy!  I know we’re often our own worse critics, but there’s something beautiful about every single person reading this.  And today seems like a good day to reflect on what makes us beautiful so let’s do it together.  (Come on…this will be good for all of us!)


Fmm: What makes YOU beautiful?

Leave out all of the negative stuff, and concentrate on the beauty that’s within you – seen and unseen.


  • I have beautiful lips and teeth.
  • I’m easy to talk to.
  • I also have pretty hands and nails (maybe that’s why I’m obsessed with nail polish?)
  • I have a nice voice too.
  • My eyes are bright and animated.
  • My hair is healthy and shiny.
  • I push myself even when it’s scary.
  • I like my thin ankles.

Now it’s your turn to share what makes you beautiful! Don’t forget to come back and post your link in the comments! Happy Monday friends….


The Standard

Last week someone who ran across my blog felt compelled to send me an email calling me a fat, ugly c- – -.  Of course, I hit delete and reminded myself  that those hateful adjectives don’t define me.

A few days ago  someone who befriended me on Facebook after discovering my blog wrote a long post on my wall expressing her disgust and disappointment in me because of my political affiliations.  Her angry, hate-filled post was only on my wall for a few minutes before it was deleted and she was blocked.

Here’s the thing.  I share my life online, and I know that I’ll be criticized as a result of that from time to time.  And I’ve learned the hard way that some people will go out of their way to spew hatred and inflict their angry, psychotic and nonsensical ideas and/or judgments on me.   I don’t like it, but I’ve learned to send those comments to spam,  to hit delete without even reading their garbage and to simply ignore their rubbish.

I’ve grown to care about so many of you, and I know that I don’t have to tell you these things.  This message is for those of you who hide behind the wall of the internet with hateful intent.  It doesn’t matter to me if our views are different, and I’m not going to try to convince you that I’m right.  But I do deserve and expect the kind of respect that I offer every time I write a post or share a comment on someone else’s blog.  Respect is the standard here, and it will always be the standard here.

So if you have a problem with me, I can’t change that for you, and I won’t waste my efforts trying to.  Instead, I’ll continue to focus on improving myself and celebrating the person that I am.  If that doesn’t work for you, feel free to click the back button in the top left corner.